Culda

I Wanna Run With You Into The Sunset.

2009-11-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

it's been what? a week? a week and a half since i've been talking to her? and you know, am i regretting talking to her, when i could maybe be doing other things? no i don't at all. why is it so? i always have been wanting to talk to her. and i really do like talking to her. i really do. but now maybe i'm starting to have my doubts whether i should have started talking to her.

was i wrong to do it? cause now i feel that i may screw it up. you know, why is it that it's this particular situation in which i don't wanna mess anything up. i never know when is the right time to talk to her. i dunno when is the right time. oh my god, the only girl who has seriously made me rethink my every movements.

okay, some of you may have read my previous posts about stuff of such relevance and might i just say i was writing it from a different persona most of the time, as seen from the writing and from the signing off. yeah. weird. i know. but whatcha gonna do about it.

anyway, i sometimes wish i could tell her. it was so easy to tell others i liked them. but it seems so hard. maybe i'll continue to talk to her. then maybe when i feel the time is right, which i dunno when, i'll tell her. of course, i have to see how she's reacting to me daily, or when we are talking. things like this are not supposed to happen. is it that i'm really...in...i can't say it. i don't even know.

but awwwww man, one year. i can't believe it. noone can belive it as well. for one year, and without even talking to her. even not knowing anything about her. am i just imagining it or is what that's has been happening to me happening to me once again? is that what my life is about? oh my god...i'm starting to feel it.

i dunno why, but when i see her, my heart just melts. my eyes start to tear. when i see her just there, i wanna go up to her. and tell her. that i've been wanting to talk to her for a year. but it sounds freaky. does it? doesn't it? i really like her. i really do. you know what. i've just gotta go for it. i'm never gonna know what's gonna happen unless i jsut seize the opportunity. seize the day. seize the moment. try to freeze it in gold and then embrace it. i know i've got it. but i dunno. the chances of her saying no is about 98%. just being realistic. just keeping it real. i can handle the truth. i can take it. it's only been a year.

i can stop my feelings can i? it jsut happens. i don't want them to happen. it jsut does. it's spontaneous. it's involuntary. if she's reading this, what might she think?

Nav

Only In This World.

2009-10-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

it's time when we just need to indulge in the daily ironies and quirkiness.

The owner of a car with the personalised number plate 'XXXXXXX' has received parking fines for every unidentified car in his city.

A German man who mooned at a train got his trousers caught in a carriage door and ended up being dragged half naked out of the station.

A fraudster who went on the run from US authorities gave himself away - because he couldn't help himself from posting on Facebook.

A Ministry of Defence document advising staff how to stop documents leaking onto the internet has been leaked onto the internet.

Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has instructed his citizens to stop singing in the shower.

An Air Canada flight was diverted after a passenger stole beer from the drinks trolley.

Police in Papua New Guinea are hunting the leader of a cult who promised villagers a bumper banana harvest if they had sex in public.

A man who refused to take his clothes off at a raunchy party has been blamed for a mini-riot at an Australian nudist resort.

A wife has spoken of her humiliation after she became the first woman to be "divorced" on Facebook.

A hen-pecked husband has been granted a divorce in Italy because his mother-in-law keeps nagging him.

A Saudi woman is seeking a divorce after discovering her husband had nicknamed her 'Guantanamo' on his mobile phone.

Taken from http://www.ananova.com/. visit it, one of my favorite sites.

All Just Here To Tell You What I've Never Told Anyone.

2009-10-26T06:57:00.005-07:00

THE DREAM

anyone ever watched the movie 'American Psycho'? well, just in the morning, i had a dream that i was living life from the perspective of the psycho. living through the all the deceits of being human, living through the fact of having a half-broken mask of sanity, living through all the narcissistic sex and living through the murders and killings. i woke up, feeling an internal rush of heat through my body. i adjusted myself a little and found that i was slightly sweaty. the aftermath of the dream maybe. i then started to think. had i liked my dream? is there something in my mind, something in me, i'm not aware of? i felt scared, yes i did. but the adrenalin that was rushing through my body when i was having the dream. i could still feel a bit of the adrenalin rushing through as i thought about my dream again. i looked at the time. 630am. i went back to sleep, trying to dream that same dream again while clutching my pillow tightly with a smile on my face.

THAT SMILE

okay, this is damn weird. the other time, i was walking home along those provision shop area at eunos there and then i just ate a cheese pancake. so there was a bit of the cheese on at the left side of my mouth. so i tried to lick it. at the same time, there was this kinda buff guy walking towards my direction. so when i saw him walking, i just slid my tongue back into my mouth. all of a sudden, that big guy just smiled at me. and i was like, erm, okay. that was weird.

THE RUNS

well, ran on of the best runs i ever ran this whole month. steep hills to run. no stopping at the traffic light. i think i found my route to run. it was seriously good. just need to calculate the distance, see if i'm running a good distance and go with it against my timing. hah, gotta focus now. i've found my grove, can't lose it. and plus, i don't really feel that tired after school. actually, releases stress for me. and yeah, to be the best, you've gotta put yourself in it. and this real run, i've gotta put myself to the test. i know my goal. my goal. i've gotta push man. nov 8. think my training's not that adequate though. still, gotta be positive. really, being positive really works. yeah, and cause you've gotta have a little...erm...uh-hum...motivation.

THE GIRL

okay, i'm seriously lost for words. you know, i look at her, and immediately in my mind, i just go, 'awwwwww'. the only girl who has made me say that without her herself having to do anything. talked to her the other day. and it was seriously something i never thought i'd be able to do. i dunno why, but other girls, yeah i can talk to them. no problem. i don't even need to worry about what to say. but...this girl..she's just...what can i say. every little thing she does is seriously magic even though no matter how mundane it is. how is it that i feel like i want her even though i dunno what she really is. wait, did i just say i want her? hm, well, maybe it's true. after all, the first conversation was more than one year in the making. damn, has it really been that long? what have i done? have i hesitated so much? i have so little time. time is seriously running out. now waiting for her to come online. hope she does. am i sweet? seriously? i don't know you know. noone knows what really goes on in my mind. i mean, this, what i'm writing here, is what i really do think of her. the cutest little thing.

Nav

Waiting For Her Hello.

2009-10-22T08:01:00.001-07:00

alright, well, quite not bad this whole week so far. was that english? oh god, i dunno...i start anew.

let's start off with days or something. if you wanna hear the funny part, scroll down all the way till you see the funny part in caps.

TUESDAY

hm, what did i do on tuesday? okay, i just realised that fom is seriously like one of the best modules we have. lectures are filled with humorous eloquence, proudly shown by our lecturer. and then we have like our tutorial. which may sound daunting with it's 3 hours duration but the first lesson was anything but 'sian' of which i recall saying to the tutor about my feelings of fom. full of games and shit. damn, fom is gonna be the top module and eagerly awaited module. okay, then i don't think i have to say anything about stats tutorial. cause that's like a deja vu of last sem. totally boring. oh and econs. the lecturer appears cutesy wutesy is some way to me. maybe from far. partly due to her voice, and to her inability to make a joke or build up on it. yeah, angela...not bad name as well. suits her in a way. but of course there are other names that can suit her better.

then after school, went to TP. to just do some static exercises. yeah, then saw all the dragonboater girls. and stuff like that. then went back home. tp is really a nice place. esp at night. i think i've said it before.

WEDNESDAY

alright, itab started late. the tutor apparently has this young-old thing going on. he looks young, but he's got this weird old, naggy aura. anyway then came gems. and holy damn, gems is like seriously...okay...my gems rocks. well it's only been one lesson, and it's just basically slack the most time...but i've got this vibe..i've gotta feeling. wooot....can't wait for next week. why am i so excited. damn. oh yeah, then went for acc remedial. remedial in poly, you ask? yeah...don't talk about it. then stayed abit after a while for econs remedial. wooo...so fun.

THURSDAY

okay, today. went for final theory. and i passed. i looked at the others, who were studying their book with so much stress just before the test and there i was, listening to music, thinking of her (yes, i'm still thinking of her). then i took my time to do the test. finished less than 20mins. walked out, swagger here and there. went to sp, gymed. like finally gymed after so long.

alright. this is the FUNNY PART. okay, i was like thinking maybe the new course, Our nation our world would be like some fun-filled module. but but but. damn. the lecturer is like sitting on the chair, with his hands behind his head and he takes like 5 mins to come up with each word. there are so many ways to describe being in his class.

1. i feel like we are sitting for a funeral procession and he was like chosen to do an impromptu eulogy while suffering from Alzheimer's.

2. it's like you're driving. and then you've gotta stop at the zebra crossing. and all the people who are crossing are like 70 years old plus and walking with canes and what have they. and it's like waiting for the dementia-infested parade to pass. wait, i think being in his class is worse than that.

3. it's like your grandfather talking about the whole family tree and their whole medical records and history.

4. you'd better be off counting your hair then be in his class.

5. it's like your grandfather talking in some language you don't know.

6. it's like one of those torture scenes in saw. live or die make your choice. it was seriously that. cause the window was next to me and i had even unlatched it. either endure a slow beating of your insides or fall to your death, quick and painless.

7. it's like your grandfather talking.

okay. that's about all.

tomorrow i'll blog about her again. serious. i've added her. just waiting for her to accept. i'm ready to talk yo. alright, gotta finish up this pint of haagen daaz and go to sleep.

Nav

Keep Pushing, You're Almost Free.

2009-10-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

alrighty...first day of semester 2. and surprise surprise!! my stats lecturer is a guy!!! like seriously, i thought the lecturer was a female. then heard the sound of a guy. yeah, i was stunned too. hm, alright i'll start of with my eventful day.

DRIVING

okay, i got this instructor again. some dude so big he hardly fits in the seat of the car. right, started with warm-up in the circuit. my warm-up was like for more than a half an hour in the circuit, which just sucks cause i'll be cruising at first gear most of the time or second gear if i feel like it cause there's just too many cars to consider jumping to the next gear. you need to brake alot and sometimes you even need to brake suddenly immediately cause some jack-off doesn't know when to drive off and when to stop at the stop line which is so clearly painted infront on the road. some of the times, the jack-off is me. but hey, i'm not as bad as the other learners on the road. and it sucks also cause if you just brake immediately and you just need to react as a human being for a minute, you will kinda react by letting go all the levers including the clutch and in case some of you don't know, when you just throw the clutch or let go the clutch without any acceleration, your engine stalls. and i hate it when my engine stalls. cause i know that if my engine stalls one time, then i know that the second and third time won;t be far away. and it's a stupid feeling to have your engine stall at this point of stage. and i only stall my engine it the circuit nowadays. but since i never stay in the circuit for long, i do fine outside.

alright, then today we learnt turning right and changing gears when turning on the move. and then it's like at first i need some getting used to cause that's the first time i'm doing it. so after like god knows how long i was in the circuit, i finally got outside on the public roads. so what i had to do today was turn right mostly and also lane change alot. so at first i was doing fine. then came into those busy roads. so i had to lane change two lanes. and after that i needed to turn right. okay, so i'm in third gear or something, going at about 50 plus kmh and infront there's this lorry. and then i'm looking for a safe time to change lanes. but it was kinda hard cause apparently the cars behind was going faster than me. and i knew they weren't gonna let a learner driver have his moment of accomplishment by changing lanes successfully so i didn't change in the end. then this was the conversation that took place:

Instructor: don't need to turn here naujoth (yes he calls me naujoth, beats the shit out of me even when i told him my name is Nerve-joe-t). turn left infront. you know why you can't turn?

Me: cause the cars are too fast?

Instructor: cause you're too slow (i agree actually). they are going at the right speed. you need to catch up with them if not you will never be able to turn. got it naujoth (again with the naujoth)?

Me: got it.

so after turning left, he asks me to turn lang change and turn right. same thing have to change two lanes. as after turning the left, i sped to like 60plus-70kmh and then after than slowed down to change. then the next roadway, i began to change up gear again. 60kmh. 70kmh. 75kmh. 80kmh. 81kmh. i was about to go faster but red traffic light. damnit. and the thing is, this instructor was different from all the others i got. cause the others would know when i'm going above 70kmh and when i do, they would say "control...control". but this guy. apparently he loves speed. but i hope never get him again. naujoth. i'll show you who's naujoth.

BACK TO SCHOOL

okay, got to school, met jia le, rosanne and lynn and went to school. took taxi from bbdc, thinking i would reach there earlier. but apparently, in the morning, all the good taxi drivers are out. they drive at 50kmh, they drag their freakin second or at the most third gear, they brake way earlier. and they give way!!! and i was like, you seriously shitting me. when i'm wanting to have a nice, smooth drive with no preferance of the speed, the freaking drivers drive like they are attempting to break their own personal best of speed and overtaking maneuvers. and when you need to be on time for something important, you see your taxi driver, smiling, waving as if he was selected to be the 'Be courteous on the road, pass it on" ambassador, and you're just in the back, banging your head against the head restraint, wearing the seat belt for no clear reason. anyway, reached, and like i said, found the lecturer to be an indian guy. swear the whole class is gonna get indianized. first with naz, then with krishanaramamurthy the indian accouting einstein, and now by this dude with the black typical hindu mustache. then after that, wanted to gym but found the gym to be crowded. so went to walk around for two hours plus. after lunch, realised Fundamentals of marketing isn't that bad, what with the new funny and slightly eloquent lecturer, reminding me a little of myself. then came to accounting and lo to behold, the same lecturer, the same lecture theater and the same taglines, "we're behind schedule", "we are late" and the two-hit combo "please don't talk class, we're late".

after all my lessons, went running. and damn, i realise how weak i am, training wise for running. gotta train harder. yeah, and then now i wanna talk about something. someone.

SOMEONE

okay, this girl has been on my mind for more thn a year now. ever since i saw her, my heart went gedabak-gedebuk. and it still does. even more. the way her hair falls right in place especially when it's messed up or just loosely going everywhere. the way she runs around, if not on the track or field, then in my mind. the way her smile shines so brightly even under a straight face. there's just so many things about her. oh...oh...oh...the only girl who has made me sincerely acted cute. and seeing her around almost alot of times is just kinda...it's just not right. cause the more i see, the more it beats me why i like her. but i don't mean to sound like a dick...but i know her first line she will say if i ever do come up to her, which i doubt i know how to do, "i'm not really ready for that". yeah. heck, and don't worry guys, i'm not like one of those shit heads who stalk them to the very core, or jsut stalk them at all. respect whoever you're out after or just basically respect everyone. bloody stupid coneheads. anyway, to her...awwwww man. so many things that should be said, but the words that i am thinking of saying, jsut don't do justice. lately i just feel like going nuts over her. seriously going nuts. crazy. can't stop thinking about her. damn, am i going crazy. it's been a year!! shouldn't like this thing inside of me be going down? but why has it been so that it hasn't? but anyway, you know what. i don't want it to. but awww, seriously. i...have...NEVER...felt like this before. and this is probably gonna be sounding like the scariest shit ever. maybe, maybe not.

Nav

P.S. should i have write it all down? is it a mistake? was it a mistake? too late now.

And I Thought My Neighbors Were Stupid.

2009-10-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

anyone needs a dog?

Where's My Audience Of One?

2009-10-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

barely a week away from school. if i'm not wrong, three days more, after this day of course. i hate doing countdowns.

what do i have on monday? i have like driving in the morning that ends at 940. and then i've gotta rush off to my first lecture which starts at 10. so i've got twenty minutes to rush from the bukit batok driving centre to bukit gombak mrt, take a train to dover, run up that goddamn hill to MLT 8 and look presentable for my first stats lecture of the new sem. and can someone tell me where is the entrance to MLT 8 that does not lead to the front of the MLT. please? i don't wanna start the day off explaining everything to my lecturer why i was late and then sit right infront of her since it'll be a bitch to look for my class and squeeze in and cause a shit of a scene. well actually there's two scenarios that can happen.

1st scenario:

i rush in late, busting the door down with hair in a mess. lectuer looks at me.

lecturer: why are you late?

me: driving. then took a long time to get here. (omit certain truths like i went fro driving lesson)

lecturer: there was a jam?

me: sorta (again omit the fact that it was human jam that you had to get through at the train and all)

2nd scenario:

i walk with a cool swag, with my hair in a mohawk kinda style. i walk up slowly to the lecturer and about 4 meter away from her, i do this cool two hand gun motions and say 'pooh' in a whisper tone. yeah go ahead do it.

lecturer: why you late?

me: hm, what can i say? shit was going down, i had to step up.

lecturer: gotcha hommie

seems abit out there. but hey, you never know. or what could happen is that she don't even give a shit about me and i just walk in and do my own shit.

yeah then after that, i've got 4 hours break. i'll gym for like 1 hour plus then maybe walk around and see what else is new in sp. that i'll go eat with the clan. gotta bring my cards. then i dunno what else lesson i have after that. and i think i end at 5 that day. then go home, slack, eat and maybe run. or maybe i run in school. hm, idea.

driving is going along well. still ramming as always. haiz...can't wait to get my car. wonder what will it be. i'm thinking like audi R8, lamborghini gallardo or maybe just any sportster. or maybe a pick-up. that'll be nice. yeah, a pick-up. can do alot of things with it. and its a two-door car. it's open top. it rumbles when speeding. oh crap, you can only go like 60 on those things. well, that's the bad part?

what else man? oh yeah, any of you went to this site before, trevvy.com. it's like the number one gay and lesbian portal. it's kinda amusing. go check it out. alright signing off.

Nav

I Treat Books Like Girls.

2009-10-12T08:01:00.001-07:00

just an analogy. don't be mad, don't get mean. it's all in good fun. this is purely based on a stereotypical man's view of girls and it is in no way a representation of how i treat girls in reality.

Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh Sheng Ying "It's Not The Race, It's The State Of Mind" says: (10:42:45 PM)

i treat it [books] like girls

N@NdHiNi says: (10:43:56 PM)

niceee..

Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh Sheng Ying "It's Not The Race, It's The State Of Mind" says: (10:44:07 PM)

wanna know how?

N@NdHiNi says: (10:44:34 PM)

hw?

u sleep wid it

Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh Sheng Ying "It's Not The Race, It's The State Of Mind" says: (10:45:47 PM)

i put it by my bedside table and i sleep near it so that i can always make sure that the book is fine

when i'm reading it, i treat the book gently

don't be too fast when flipping the pages

don't bend the book...cause nobody likes to bend in social situations

N@NdHiNi says: (10:46:50 PM)

hahaha nice one

Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh Sheng Ying "It's Not The Race, It's The State Of Mind" says: (10:46:59 PM)

and i always use bookmark so i know when i stopped...

N@NdHiNi says: (10:47:01 PM)

and i don fold the pages

Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh Sheng Ying "It's Not The Race, It's The State Of Mind" says: (10:47:18 PM)

never fold the pages cause it hurts when you handle her in such rough ways

and once i'm done with the book...

N@NdHiNi says: (10:47:28 PM)

awesomee.u treat bks juz like the way i do

Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh Sheng Ying "It's Not The Race, It's The State Of Mind" says: (10:47:35 PM)

...i dump it away

interesting huh.

Nav

I'm Back Ladies.

2009-10-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

you know...i've pretty much had a slightly eventful absence. wanna hear about it. of course you do. why else would you be here.

can't believe school's starting. i know i'm gonna sound like a dick or something or might sound geeky but i missed school. aghhhh, so freaking bored these whole month. at first had canoeing which kinda made me always look forward to the next day for training (more on that later on). then also did driving (more on that as well if you were to read on bitches). what else? hm nothing else. oh got something to keep me occupied during the month as well. someone. hmmm...sounds wrong.

DRIVING

anyway, driving. alright, recently i've learnt turning, safety checks, turning, braking, turning and oh yeah ramming the accelerator like i was being chased by the african zulu tribe with a lamborghini. well, not that dramatic or anything but yeah. sometimes i do speed a little.

i remember the one time i raced with this taxi driver. good times, good times. i was like so close to him. and we both were on manual. and my gear shifting was flawless. we both engaged first gear and half-clutched with our engines revving. then with a quick shug!, i shifted to gear two and then quickly to gear three. we were both head-to-head. it was tensed in both cars. i was looking at bonnet and he was probably looking at his meter, seeing how much can he make by actually going a longer way, but that's a different story. but then as i was about to shift to gear 4, something happened, and it disappointed me. there was a car parked infront (hazard) and i was like damn and i even said 'shit'. the instructor looked at me and said 'so now, you wanna race with taxi driver' and my response was the always usual 'hahaha'. not like the hahaha, like you're funny but the hahaha, just shut up and let me drive you foof. foof, yeah it's a new word. i invented it. it's not gonna be a word that i'm gonna use alot so don't really worry about it. tml is the end of my stage 1. revision and then later move on to stage 2 on wednesday. hoo-yeah. i'm a driver baby. i know how to handle a stick. okay, scratch that.

CANOEING

alright so canoeing. it saddens me. cause there's mainly three reasons why i'm dropping. yes three. not four, not 2. just three. and to some, it may seem unreasonable or just childish, but that's cause you're feeling it. it's not the same. it's like having sex. you watch stuff on pornographic website and then you say, man that shit's tight. but you are never gonna really know how it's like being rammed up the ass with an 8-inch black dick, aren't you? or are you? that's why your comments always just tire me. it lacks the sense of understanding, only the layman voice of unreasonable and pointless and uncalled criticism. my life ain't no movie for you to judge. only if i require some help with the production or direction, then i'll maybe call you down. and guess what, i'll even put your name in the credits. and i'll put it in big-big 3d form so the viewers will want to stay to watch how it all turns out.

anyway, canoeing. first reason. it's gonna sound messed up but yeah. when i sit in a boat, i feel that my legs are very confined. and cause i'm used to my running nature. it's gonna take me a while to get used to that feeling of not using my legs much or at all. but actually, this ain't the reason why i'm quitting. just something fun i thought of putting. not really a reason. so that's actually two. second (or in fact, first) reason is that i've got quite a number of other stuff going on that requires my time as well. and i know that i will not be able to commit to coming for trainings consistently, the trainings that are allocated for us stated by the training schedules. yeah, so i've made the decision to leave due to that cause i know for one, i'll be missing out on alot of technical stuff, especially for the canoe polo department (more on that below). and another is cause i don't want the seniors to look at me in such contorted ways of disgust and confusion and retort back to me in ways that just provoke the nerves of everyone's limit. okay the third reason. some of you probably will know. so i won't say it. it's not cause i don't have the balls. i just can't say it. cause i've done that that so many times before and it doesn't always end happily, neither for me nor for the people in it. sorry rovers might i add.

alright, i was really interested in canoe polo. really really interested. then boom. but you know, i've got running as well. so yeah. decision made. i have really no regrets of where i'm going to. just that maybe i'll feel this pinch somewhere through the whole new year.

DA DUDES

well, i dunno what to name this shit under so i'll jsut come up with some random lingo that has probably been outdated since the 1990's. been meeting up with them quite a lot relatively. raj and pavan. yeah, prob the only two punjabis or two of the people who fall under the singaporean-indian ethnic group. i dunno what i'm saying. yeah, they are the only two who i spend the most time with out of my whole people. i still dunno what i'm saying.

start afresh. raj and pavan. one's a thing you put pickles in if you turn his name around and the other's the devil if you spell her name on the phone if you're using the auto-type-messaging-word-shit thingy thing. yeah something like that. just type it. anyway, yeah, one i met like in primary one, the other dunno when i met her. but you know, you never know that this might be the ones that stick with you through and through. wonder why am i sounding like a girl? hm, damn, i really do sound like a girl sometimes. anyway yeah, probably the siblings i never had. and never want to have. haha, jsut kidding. a shout out to pavan, that annoying, tall, model-looking girl (she's attached guys and way out of your league) who loves to pinch and scratch arms like hell. hm, hell? satan? oh my god pavan!!!! haha, nah, just kidding. good bad girl she is, beautiful and all, painful to be with sometimes, but great fun to be with all in all. that rhymed. pavan, just put the money on the table.

BACK TO SCHOOL

i can see her again. i saw her at suntec. i'm seeing her everywhere now. or isit cause i'm closing my eyes too much? you never know how much you miss someone until you finally meet them. maybe it's time i go up to her and say what i've been wanting to say to her from the moment i met her. 'hey, you're pretty and short and run funny'. hm, maybe. and back to school means seeing the daidee clan. start shocking people again with the amount of food i eat. seeing the hot girls at biz sch and seeing how i can do stupid stunts infront of them. running around the track/school after school. going to the gym during long breaks. going out to eat during long breaks with the clan. what else. ooooh...i need to choose a GEM. an elective module for you shitheads who don't know the acronym. deciding between, psychology and counseling, boating theory, backpacking, accents and slangs (cool huh?) and real estate marketing. maybe i'll scratch off the last one. but you never know.

THE END AS WE KNOW IT

alright, i'm gonna end here. i'm gonna blog quite passionately and oftenly nowadays. know i've got a place to rant/crap/indulge in all things whatever and stuff like that. and i'll post funny shit up as well.

Nav

Words Can Say Only So Much.

2009-09-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

i finally have someone. and all the songs that play in my mind finally have a story to attach to.

"...At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own..."

you're the only person who is really getting to see me for who i really am, and maybe that's because i feel that you deserve to know.

"...I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow..."

it's simply unbelievable that i am finally with you. from where we began...well, it's a good thing we were not in the past. if not, who knows right?

"...Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
let's all blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you..."

i just found a new meaning of love, life...and that smile on your face just probably was the cause of it all.

"...Say farewell to the dark of night, I see the coming of the sun...
I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun...
You came and breathed new life
Into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line, just in the Nick of Time..."

and you know, i just wanna let you know one thing...i only say it when i really mean it, and i don't wanna say it at the wrong moment, nor do i also not want to not have the chance to say it all.

"...What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do..."

alright baby, i leave this to the world to see. but the only person who knows how it's being said will be you, and only you.

Nav

"...Whenever you get a feeling, that's different from all the other feelings that you have experienced, when you don't know how to compare that feeling to the others, and you just want to have that feeling for the rest of your life - that's love..." - Navjoth Singh

In The Event Of An Emergency, Just Kiss Your Ass Goodbye.

2009-08-31T08:40:00.000-07:00

alright, my legs are woozy right now. ran 7km in 32 mins. slow right? okay la, but i need to improve. calculating everything, i can actually reach my target of 10km in 43 mins if i follow this pace, and of course with a good sprint at the end. for the real run, i've got the prize in mind. can i do it? yes i can.

watched captivity today...that was not so nice. boring in fact. then watched final destination 3. i dunno why, even though final destination isn't that nice of a horror film, it still gets me...cause in my mind, i start to contemplate all kinds of this supernatural stuff and how it all links up. in my mind that is. then also watched turistas. not bad movie. could be better. but nothing beats saw.

alright, the fun shit. today something weird happened in the train. this girl next to me looked up at me and made the sound that guys do when they see girls. you know, when you pucker up your lips together and suck in the air, you know that sound? yeah. and i was like, what the hell. i didn't know what to do cause my mom was just right infront of me. it was this chinese girl, very ah lian. then this malay girl, in the bus was like giving me some kind of smokey look. like, what the heck. maybe it was my t-shirt. the sp t-shirt. must be a chick magnet. or maybe my hair. nah, i doubt it's my hair. my hair's like crap right now. in that ugly uncool phase. hah, what to do. what to do.

tomorrow canoeing. so long since went for training. gonna be like a freshie again. get ready to be pumped. and guess what's the song that's playing right now behind in my itunes? 'Pump It' by balck eyed peas. yay, so great. yeah, thinking of starting to take up job. the job of a coxswain and also then later dragon boat coach. it's good money. it's in my interest. and hey, you meet great people. really? what else can you ask in a job? i bet it'll be like so un-jobly. and that'll be what's so great.

meeting up with the red fox people is great. damn, every weekend guys, just make yourself free la. confirm go out already. go walk here, sit there. the current best topic to talk about. CAMPFIRE!!

Nav

P.S. i can't believe i'm talking to her!!!

It's Time To Puke.

2009-08-30T03:52:00.000-07:00

alright, who wants to hear about how my econs went? my poa was screwed, and so was my econs. why? no time...damn. but i'm like so sad for the econs. cause it's like i looked through the whole paper during the first 10 mins which we were allowed only to read, and i looked at the questions and in my mind, i was thinking to myself, "yessss". then as i slowly proceeded on to doing the paper, i found myself slowly in a daze and then as i was about to do the essay questions, i found myself just staring at the paper. my mind was like freaking blank, and my battle was to open all the doors which had suddenly closed and locked themselves at this most auspicious of times. i looked around and then thought to myself, it's now or never. i grabbed my pen even harder, trying to skip the questions that i stumbled upon, but as each question passed, slowly a sense of de-moralization was downing on me in such an agonizing manner. i knew that i was gonna suffer throughout. so i just told myself to complete it. woke up from a deep nightmare and found myself exiting the exam venue with the background of echoing happiness and sadness of both equally spreading across. and all i could do was just get far away from the very negative aura of the room. i leave you all upon that note of what i would end my thoughts of my econ paper.

did that whole paragraph make sense?

anyway, i'm so happy. she finally accepted me. you know, it's like the more i waited, the more i thought i did something so bad that she rejected or something, though i don't even remember doing anything at all infront or around her, except smile, smile and smile. then as i casually and routinely checked my facebook notifications, i saw that she did accept and i was like celebrating in my own little spastic dance. okay, that was abit of a streach. i just ''woohoo''. well, that's about it, ain'nit, i guess?

well, been doing nothing much this whole week. gonna start running soon. gotta hit the 43 min region for my 10km. gotta do it. argh. yeah. win it. win it.

then also been watching movies alot lately. watched final destination, bruno, and the ugly truth, for those movies that have been released. loved katherine heigl's performance in the ugly truth, a cute character. bruno well, sick but funny as well. final destination, also funny, but the blood and splatter, was kinda more obvious CGI-wise, cause of the format of the 3d thing. yeah. but overall, all good movies. then as for all the other movies, been watching 'A Nightmare on Elm Street', 'Friday the 13th', 'Saw', mostly gore, horror and slasher films. also downloaded the final destination series. yep, people, anyone want to see?

Nav

There It Goes, All Out Of My Hands.

2009-08-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

i can't believe it. i'm so demoralize right now. i was like so confident of my run in today's Leg's And Paddles. the 5km paddle, i would say, true, i didn't do well, cause i admit i didn't go enough training. but i expected whatever i got during the paddle. but got minor stitches at the turning point. as soon i got out of the boat, and went off for the 8km run, the moment i started running, the stitches was unbearable. continued for like 2 km plus. then just stopped. started walking from then on for like 5 mins. then ran. then stopped. then ran. then stopped. damn. the stitch was like slowly getting more and more painful. weak stomach muscles? breathing inconsistency? must be the paddling...cause i never paddle in a long time, so that resulted in me actually suffering. or maybe i stressed myself mentally for it? cause i wanted to do this race for different reasons. too bad...i was not able to do it...what can i do know but smile...cause tomorrow will be worse...

oh no...i shouldn't say. accounting tomorrow. what should i do man? no mood to study. i'm so gonna not do so well in my accouting tomorrow. damn, i can't even absorb my work in. when i stare at the damn book, nothing is going in. argh, pain setting in in more ways than one. think i'm gonna see bruno on my mac later. gonna gay myself for a moment. then study my eyes out. and the perfect song to crash to, 'Take Me Out' by franz ferdinand.

i don't know why, but i need to talk to you. i dunno whether i wanna be in sprint or polo yet. i'm feeling more for polo. but sprint is not bad as well. but the thing is, i don't like people to be two-faced so obviously, to me. in the past, i used to not really care so much. but certain things have got me so used to being more involved in personal discussions with the parties involved with matters i want to address. maybe not now. i'll pick the right time. i'll wait for you to say something stupid or ask something stupid and then...hooo-yeah. but don't get me wrong, i love canoeing. i love the people, someway or another. but i love them. but if there's a obvious reason to hate someone, why bother the trouble of finding a reason to like him? am i not right?

Don't judge a man before hearing his story.

Nav

Coffee Is For Those Who Earn It.

2009-08-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting here in foodcourt 2, listening to Eric Clapton's 'Wonderful Tonight' with less than two and a half hours away from my final itab exam. well, i screwed up in my last paper. didn't save i think. or did i not log in properly.new possibility. damn, i'm so confused. i couldn't even touch microsoft word last night as due to some technical difficulties. and at this moment, i'm so concerned over the first aid course. damn...everything was going along nicely. well, murphy's law - when something can go wrong, it will at the worst time and in the worst way. well, at least nobody died. but i think i am dying.

right now, canoeing is my top priority. the training. the getting in part. gotta push for it.

my next priority, and which will always be my priority, is red fox. red fox was where i was reformed into a different person. not so much during my boy scouting years. but more during my role as a leader under training. i feel that now the least i can do is push the new boys and lead the unit into greater heights. we've got only ourselves to beat. cause we are the best cca in school. and the rest of the other units, well, it's a different story. but anyway, political stuff aside, red fox taught me one thing. and it is my honor to impart my knowledge to the younger generation, with determination, courage, confidence and of course with a hint of sarcasm and sadism. com'on, i'm nav.

then studies. oh no!!!! that's my first priority. hell yeah. no more facebook-ing, no more tai ti sessions and no more indulgences in stupid stuff. yeah, too lazy to state all of them out. i dunno why but i think i lost my flair in writing poetic nonsense, indulgent crap and melodic phrases of sever irony and chaotic literature. gotta concentrate. hoo-ya.

i need to ask a question. am i attractive in the MRT. cause like there's been like two girls who liked really really looked at me and got close to me and sent me signals while commuting in the train. then today, just in the morning, this cute girl in yellow kept looking at me and we even looked into each other's eyes for like 3 seconds. and all of a sudden, a song popped into my head, 'I Knew I Loved You' by Savage Garden. i know. see the video to know what i mean, if you don't already know. damn, i was like so into the moment that i just hoped that something would happen to the train and we would both reach towards each other and hold each other's hands and just smile while others are left screaming, running across here and there, calling their parents to go claim insurance and buy 4-D at the same time. love knows no boundaries.

ah, i think red cross is gonna hate me from now on. ahh...just made a call, wish i didn't. i'm jsut the middleman. awwww man.

Nav

What's Your Problem?

2009-08-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

do you hate people who ask stupid questions? was what i asked a stupid question? okay, now that was abit of a stupid question.

here's the scene. we're off doing push-ups during canoeing training. on no, we can't say we're in canoeing. so i would say we were doing push-ups in a training session. club-less. haha, cute. so we're doing push-ups. i was like biting my teeth alot when i was recovering from the down position cause of the rubber elastic thing for my braces. and plus the floor was slippery. so okay, this then follows.

Jerald: what's your problem?
Me: *looks confused* (never answer)

bites rubber elastic and adjust hands.

Jerald: what's your problem again?
Me: *looks confused and glances around*

bites rubber elastic and adjust hands again.

Jerald: what's your problem?
Me: erm, the floor is slippery?
Jerald: then adjust yourself, change position, but don't stand up.
Me: *thinks 'why would i wanna stand up and risk getting shot down'

but the mother of this thing is the question. what's your problem. now, the thing is, i don't understand the question. i mean yes, i'm going through so many problems. the elastic rubber thing is a problem. mind you, my ITAB module in my course is also causing to be a problem right now. is that allowed as an answer? see, when you direct a question, i think it's best when you actually specify. avoids irrelevant answers. then also, we've also gotta avoid some questions that just lowers our iq or just doesn't do anything for society. Eg. you first time come here?

there's just no need for shit like that. can we be more educated in how we speak and also apply common sense especially when we really need?

oh, and ask around about me, and most people will say i breathe sarcasm. so i kinda know how to sense it. i read between the lines. do i speak very impressively? dude, i'm just trying to put up a tone of seriousness and politeness. am i making you sound stupid? did you have to resort using a dictionary? i don't see why i need to impress people, and that at my 'skills' of vocabulary. like that's just pathetic. anyone can do that, just need to use a freaking thesaurus. simple. you can then maybe other words like astonish, awe, blow my mind away, dazzle or amaze instead of impress.

huh. enough of my short rant.

alright, so what's new. i'm finally thinking that maybe i should try to spend more time helping out at my scout unit. but how much can i help at this point?

and for ventures, well, i dunno. you can have a good system. you can have a good leader. you can have a strong backing from leaders. but shit happens, flush it down, do some controlling, and then make some decisions.

gotta start training for competition this sun. shit, this sun. haven't rowed in a long time already. can't help it. other stuff is slowly eating into my training time. and those stuff are shit that i can't get out of. and gotta start running. last week was a very bad week for me. dunno why. very weak. haiz.

and exams also. shit, econs is like jsut after the competition. and i don't even have the notes for chapter 1-7. shits. gotta ask around. no time already. shit. hope everyone does well for their exam. especially the tai ti clan. gotta find a new hobby.

i need to speak to girls right now. got this another girl in the train. argh, how i wish i had done what i wanted to do.

Nav

P.S. take whatever i said about you if i did mentioned you in a very open way. you know i love you.

And Here So Beckons The New Stroke, Effortlessly Painting The Pain Of All That Have Hurt.

2009-08-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

hm, and so here i am. after how many days of running away from blogging...i mean, i was too busy to blog.

poly 50 the other time...damn...didn't run as fast as i did last year. and my shin still hurts everytime i sprint. wonder maybe something wrong with my technique? anyway, this year ran with rovers..next year? rovers? or canoeists? canoeists won 2nd this year while rovers 21st. hm, rovers can fight and win it next year. train la...train hard. push harder. pushy-ma.

canoeing is also starting to get into your blood. i can't help but say 'TSAA!' during lessons when the lecturer say something. hah. then now i'm like starting to push harder. com'on, you've get somewhere. you've gotta push yourself from now on. Leg's And Paddles competition coming up in a few weeks. 5km paddle and 8km run. what do i want? i want a good timing. a good placing. and i want to show them mutha fuckas who be running this show. i'm a nice guy.

If you're not getting better, you're getting worse.

alright, so it's been a long time since i actually have to worry about this. but i'm freaking broke. the last time i was this broke was when my parents had left for india and i had no money at all. luckily my sister was there to help me. hah, my sister. sometimes i really want to just leave this shithole i leave in just cause of what is being thrown to her. i know it's her fault but you can't rule out my mother in this as well. is my family too militaristic or just conservative to a very strong extent. i dunno anymore. is it really good to be a guy in my household? or isit just cause we're an indian family and our values are more sacred in a way? i find that hard to believe in this day of age. but it's really tough.

noone really cares about other people nowadays. people like to have the "It's not my responsibilty"-attitude nowadays. you ask someone to take care of your stuff for a moment. moments later, it's gone and you're like wondering where you stuff is and you realised your friend just shrugs off and say, "it's not here". again, you can see it in action in your daily life. "It's not my responsibility". taking in the morning train, you find yourself packed in a carrriage of smelly people from all walks of life and they only have one thing in mind - to get their asses whereever they want it to be. fighting and pushing to enter the train first while blocking the exit for those who wanna get out at their station. "It's not my responsibility". "not for me to care for." a kid running around in a supermarket get's lost. the kid cries and walks around. everybody looks at the kid and thinks, what a poor kid, and what misfortune the kid has to have such an irresponsible parent. so what do the public do. just sit there and watch for awhile and then leave to either take a puff or take a shot at lottery. "why help the kid, it's not my responsibility". people are getting too self-centred nowadays. everyone knows it. everyone critisces it. everyone says it needs to change. everyone says this kind of irresponsible and selfish people should be taught a lesson. but who's gonna teach the lesson? who's gonna be the one revolutionising and gathering people and influencing social behavior change? It's not my responsibility.

just a little something that i was thinking of. there's more in my mind, but too much to write down.

hm, sometimes you wear a mask for so long, you forget who you are beneath it.

people fail to understand people. they judge you upon what they see. and they try to justify their conception of your behavior and attitude and maturity level by using a very clever yet lazy line/theory - "first impression". to hell with that. but what can you do, trying to change that, you then give people the impression that you're being a dick by annoying them with telling them your life story. but wait, aren't they now judging you on a second impression? hmmm...

if you have to tell someone that you are matured, you're not.

to that girl, damn, where have you gone...every friday...you are there. staring at me. even at the train station. where are you. gone for two weeks. gawddamn...

Nav

A New Begining, A New Hand To Hold The Pen.

2009-07-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

the seconds slowly passed by, as it always does when you're just anticipating something. i'm 19. i'm older. why do people anticipate getting older? age is nothing but a number. it's how old you feel. do you stand infront of a mirror and say 'god, i look old'? or do you say 'god, i look older'. which is better. yeah. we all anticipate getting older. to some fact to prove that we are maturing and stuff like that. to drink maybe? to have mutual consensual sexual activities? to be able to sit through a boring korean pornographic movie just for the sake of showing others that you can and they can't?

anyway, celebrated my birthday by capsizing repeatedly into kallang's diry water for a canoeing course in order to get my canoeing star one certificate. which i passed. well, not like i knew i was gonna fail. easy. it was a good time. i just am suddenly interested in playboating as well.

then went to botak jone for dinner with my family. it was a way good meal. or rather damn good meal. hah.

okay mom nagging to get off the com. my mom told me 'don't sit too much infront of the computer. it's not good for you'. so i stood up.

Culda

Again My Mind Is Stumped To Think For Another Tittle On Which I Can Try My Best To Strike Up Weirdly Mind Conconctions.

2009-06-25T08:24:00.001-07:00

so goes another day of which i should be home studying my ass off, but what did i do instead. go out with friends. which was more worth my time. oppurtunity cost wise? being with my friends of course.

hm, it was great. after so long, seeing their faces. hm, feel like posting some pictures...but hm...dunno...too tired. hm, basically we ate and caught up with old times and had a nice time talking about good old pornography. and found out we all had a similar interest - lesbian porn. or should we say female duo erotica. anyway, went to eat at some fancy schmancy restaurant-y kinda place at esplanade there. had some small bite size food bits which was like peanuts to us guys. anyway, the food was just awesome.

hm, to her...i'm really sorry...maybe i've gotta lie more better. but i dunno, why can't i lie to you. it's just so damn hard. please don't be childish and go for your thing. i know how much it really did mean to you. but it jsut so happened. and i just took a sip. maybe you're right. i did it with my friends. but it's not that unhealthy as what you wanna do. i've done my research. serious. it really is unhealthy. it really is worst than drinking and smoking. please believe me...for once...please. i dunno why, but...i don't wanna lie to get your trust. but i don't wanna lose your trust by telling you the truth. tell me now just what is a guy to do. i just don't wanna ever lose you. jsut because of all the small fights. it just gets in the way. i don't want it to happen. can you please forgive me...please...i dunno why we have to come to this. hm, let's stop being childish. i have something i wanna ask you, but i dunno whether you'll find it dumb. hm, i dunno. i started to think of it one day and i was wondering if it's a nice thing that we should have. eeeee? eeeee? awwwww...hm, tell you what...just go for it, don't do that alright...gawwwd this girl...haha???

or and to that girl. i dunno why. it seems like it's gonna be hard for me to look at you the same way that i did last time. as in friends kind. but i dunno, talking to you...hm, i dunno, but maybe it's good that we're starting to talk like last last time. hm, i dunno whether i really still do make you smile and all. and you know... i hope i do...but still, i can't forget it la. forgive? hm, i dunno. just that we're talking it's good enough right now. hope i get to see you. i dunno why. wait, i don't even know how to react when i see you...hm, argh...yeah, but i dunno...

Culda

I Have Been Planning To Have A Baby For Five Years, My Wife Has Been Planning To Keep It Forever.

2009-06-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

hm, it's been about what 8 days? hm, couldn't organize myself on what to write. so little has happened. yet it seemed to be alot. right now, my fingers are so stiffed from browsing through so many pictures using my mac track pad. okay, so i can't really type as much as i want now, but hey, we've all been through it right? yeah, my whole body is like going through some kind of pain. my palms are blistered and some parts af the skin are just close to tearing up cause of all the pull ups and the many countless push ups done on track, gravel, dirt and whereever humans can do push ups. my legs are heavy and aching after yesterday's canoeing's training, which involved lunges and sprints of which we didn't cool down from. so yeah, my gluteus maximus is aching due to the lunges. FYI, one of the best ways to have a strong and fit butt, is to do lunges and squats. yeah. and also, my nipple seems to be suffering from abrasion and it hurts. so if i wanna bathe after running, i've gotta like wait ten minutes or more, so as to prevent me from screaming profanities in the shower. and what else hurts. hm i think that's the end of my diagnosis.

oh yeah, and i'm sick of crazy taxi. the graphics suck. and the other time when i was playing, i beat the high score, and the damn thing couldn't connect to the bloody network, so it meant that my high score was recorded. yes guys, it does happen. argh, gotta find a new game. on facebook. hm, maybe snake...oh wait, i still have that high score. hm, i'll see which game is cool and fun and then i'll beat my friends at the score. just not guitar geek. stupid guitar geek. lame game.

you don't know what love is til you've got your heart broken.

hm, just went through canoeing this week. then i've also went for my own training. am i pushing myself too much? i doubt so. in fact, i think, i haven't even pushed myself much at all. pretty much, i just need to put my body under stress. so yep, one of my birthday resolutions? hm, i think i'll come up with a few things to do right now...my birthday resolutions. what do i need to do?

where do we go from here?

i've been thinking. about my past. i remembered i used to write alot last time. i used to write poem-thingys, raps (belive it or not) and i would draw up comics and write other stupid stuff. all these during secondary school. hm, it used to make me calm and collected and managed to direct all my emotions to a certain vent. thinking bout it now, maybe i should do it all over again. start doing it again. i mean jsut writing raps, poems or whatever. i remembered i did it to a level that i could simply talk in rhymes. now i'm like...i need to get my sexy back. hm, need to put pen to paper. i have my inspiritation at the back of mind, i just need to bring it out. use my feelings of all the emotions like anger, depression, frustration and all to add fuel to fire. i'm not doing it to be known, but for the passion of just letting things out in such an art. an artform. can't belive it now. woo, another of my birthday resolution done.

i hate missing people, and i hate to know the fact that people miss me, thus i try not to hang out as much as i should.

hm, yeah, i'm mad at you. but again, i get mad easily. but i recuperate well, i think you know that. hm, just didn't expect you to keep brooding over that subject even when i told you not to. and right now, when you are saying that you're never gonna call me again. it's really just hurting to hear. what a small mistake can turn out to be. who is to be forgiven? who is the one to forgive? i'm really sorry. i'm really sorry for what happened. and maybe i was the reason for my own hurt. hm, don't do this to me. not now.

Nav

P.S. i'm thinking of changing to wordpress. should i?

Lately I've Been Hard To Reach I've Been Too Long On My Own Everybody Has A Private World Where They Can Be Alone.

2009-06-10T22:04:00.000-07:00

well, back from a hectic week or disorientation. firstly disorientated from the camp. then after that, went for self training at sp. then the next day went for campfire. then went for 2D1N chalet.

the chalet was like...blah. first thing everybody did was watched movie. then after that they watched another movie. so some of us just started to play tai ti one side. played for like god knows how long. after walking around with some of the girls, went to start fire. i lost my reputation and my touch. damn. i need to reconfigure my skills. but in the end it did start. got a good fire to last the whole night. food was cooked surprisingly well. good cooks around, what else can i say. sadly, i was forced to drink due to pressure by the beer bottles that i had bought earlier in the afternoon. can't believe i drank...shit, it was like a weird nightmare. anyway, i hate drinking. hate it. hate it. hate it. shit, i'm like broke now cause of it. anyway, talked with the rest of the people about everything and anything. and really had a good time. got to know them differently, not in the class typoe of way. but as real human beings and all. then was supposed to walk to see the sunrise with the rest but the rest left cause of some apparent reason. so had a nice walk walking the whole the pasir ris park on my own. so calming and peaceful. then came back to sleep for a while. which was really a while. like only 20 mins or something. the rest of the time i was just staring at the wall and waiting for the perfect time to leave.

i left eventually, only to find that i left my ic back in the chalet which the guys are helping me keep. went to changi airport and got my vouchers of which i decided to spend 30 bucks of the 60 bucks that i received there and then. it was good. missed that place somehow. but i think i'm just very happy that i'm not working there any more. i'm so happy. but i just feel like working again. to get money.

i need money. i need to buy alot of things for myself. and alot of services. thinking of learning guitar again. found my guitar collecting dust in my wardrobe. then also thinking of learning the dhol. then also need to get an ipod. maybe get my parents to buy for my my birthday. my birthdat. 18 july. same as nelson mandela. hm, i wonder i wonder.

hm, you know. i've been thinking. being there with you was simply a dream yet the feel of your hand in mine made me realise how much it wasn't. sitting there with you, with your head on my shoulder, and my hand stroking yours, i wished that we had not to leave. but too bad, too sad for at least one of us, we parted ways. in order to save the time of answering unnecessary questions.

til the end we feed our happiness
from the beginning we yearn for happiness
at the end, we'll be in each others arms,
protecting each other from harm.
though tonight we fall into each other eyes,
romance and love, the hearbeats of our lives.

i screwed up this thing. i need to get my sexy back. shit, i used to be so much better at this.

anyway, i need to unleash the monster within for my canoeing right now. unleash the monster. that's my goal right now. to prove that i can be the best, the best that i can be. yep, push myself. but don't worry, i won't hurt myself alright?

Culda

Everytime I Try To Fly, I Fall Without My Wings, I Feel So Small I Guess I Need You, Baby.

2009-06-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

well, so i'm back from camp. scout and guides camp. hm, i've got a headache now. my sides are aching after dragonboating. my voice is sore. my arm still hurts like hell. and i'm slowly falling asleep. hm, but a certain mood is on me. i guess i'll run through everything quickly. and try to elaborate more on the feelings that were high.

Day One
arrived school at 8 and kinda saw them get tekan early in the morning. with all the shit they were showing us. Camp development took like ages to complete. hence some activities cancelled. but station games carried on. hm...stupid pocky game. but i loved it. got to see them do stupid things. cheap entertainment. basically it was like nothing much. the first day. played candlefight. woo. but for like only 10 mins. compared to the endless hours we would play it. day one ended with nothing much. there was the blind man's walk as well where the seniors and ventures were like throwing floor all over at the campers. unfortunately even i got hit. in the eye!!! twice!!! each in each eye. and it hurt like hell. argh!!!

Day Two
physical training, then had inspection where threw everything around. but we had reason. whatever that happened, they did it themselves. then it followed by kims game and then after we lunched, and proceded to kallang sea sports centre for dragon boating. after so long, i regained my position back as a pacer. had a good row that day. rowing to the minimal that day compared to my previous days back when i was training under sp db. came back and screwed this idiot. called me pathetic, said i had no sense of humor and basically i was saying i made it too tough. asked him if he rather be a loser and a sissy and he said yes. asked him to leave but in the end he still stayed. haiz, at least be a bit more creative and call me something else. haiz, i've been called worse. then anyway did my campfire emcee script. campfire was next and boy was it just horrible. i seriously couldn't keep up with it. then stuff happened. anyway after campfire, slacked and waited to go to sleep, which i coouldn't get enough for some reason. woke up with a bad headache which is still going on right now. ahhh. hurts.

Day Three
well, the end of the camp, nothing really interesting. ended with no bang. not our fault anyway. the kids just suck. or maybe that it is our fault. haiz, i dunno amymore. next camp, who chief?

Other Stuff
hm, i dunno why. but i get affected by girls tearing and all. must be due to what happened last time. and only a few people will know. hm, after that incident, i jsut had a very different approach to everything in my life when dealing with the opposite gender. most of the especially when it invloved them being emotional. hm, i've gotta work on it? but how? yesterday was shit yeah, but i tried my best to do whatever i could. dunno whether i did a good job but whatever. anyway, i wish her to get better. and now all of a sudden, i am thinking of the incident in the past and wishing that party involved a good life as well. and now i'm thinking of the girl now. to her, i know she's reading. hm, i really hope that i don't do anything to ruin whatever foundation we have. hurting you is the last thing on my mind. but sometime i know i can't help it. i've got a problem. you know that. hopefully, inspite of that, you'll still...i dunno...oh wait...i can't say that can i?

Culda

P.S. The most precious diamonds in this world belongs in your eyes.

With Tears Welling Up In Each Corner Of My Eyes, I Stood Up And Carried My Soul Onto Another Day Of Which I Hoped Would Not Be A Repaet Of Anything.

2009-06-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

and so beckons another day of mixed feelings and a certain feeling of confusion about being lost again in a dog-eat-dog world of which will trail with the blood of the losers and the victors will be the ones left with the battle scars on their faces and a whole load of sweat and tears on their hands. journey on forward and you see that in the end, the victors have just faced only the beginning of what is known as the end of existence to those who dare not to venture onwards and fight the unknown fears. are we willing to fight? or are we gonna fall down onto our knees and just raise up our hands in defeat and succumb to the fact of just trying only.

what am i talking about?

canoeing the other day was surprisingly unbearable. am i just getting weaker? physically? mentally? i dunno anymore. but now i'm sitting at home, trying to quickly recover from a painful ache in the left arm and a suffocating sensation in my chest. i wonder why now. oh...and then yeah, in effect i didn't go canoe today. damn, shit...argh, i wanted go canoeing today. i wanna go canoeing on saturday. but can't cause i got camp. i wanna know the dates for the holiday canoe training. or rather i should say, canoe training during the holidays. ha...canooooooooooe...

today i showed what i really felt. i didn't mean to do it. but heck, i mean, yeah, i'm moody. fuck. the only reason why i did that was to fucking put some enthusiasm in the fucking group. fuck. heck, whatever you say i am. i am. whether you say i'm the best or the fucking shit king of the lowlest of all humankind, fuck. i can't belive it. i'm jsut so pissed. i'm gonna forget about it all tomorrow maybe. just let me get it out now. but guys, seriously, love you guys man. just, don't fuckin hide behind the dresses of others and talk behind my back and try to communicate about me on whatever fucking software you have. all this god damn shit that i have to put up with. if you seriously have a problem with the way i am, don't just complain. say it my face. if i'm in a good mood, i'll take it and give some way. i'll confirm do that, happily. but if i'm pissed and you come stepping on my tail and say something fucked up, i'm gonna rip it all apart. i'm sorry. if i'm the next one to be ostracized, hey, tell me man. tell my guys. i'll make it easier. no hard feelings. i'll just carry my stuff away and all. serious, i'll be happy if i'm making you'll happy. i'm less of what i used to be last time. so yeah, i happen to think of myself as more controlled. but hey, if you're pushing a man who doesn't want to be moved, and you give him a shove just like that, to hell with what i wanna be. serious guys, i know i don't really like most of you. but to hell with it. all this is finally coming up. i hate to see the state as time passes on. you've never seen me serious. i don't wanna be. because i know it ain't gonna help anyone. this is not a warning. this is not some fucking threat. this not some hate letter. i'm just saying how i feel. if you guys hate me, seriously, my tag board is there. spam away. many people have done it already. you want to have a better effect, come straight to my face. punch me, i bleed. i'm human. i have my own errors. i have my own faults. i have my own knots to untie. and you know what? so do you. to some i'm being nice. to others, i am just nice. why i'm irritating? if i wasn't, i'd just be jack with an axe. humor comes at a price. you don't get respect??? i dunno anymore. damn, sheesh, serious guys. i didn't ask to be treated this way. nor do i want to be treated this way. just tell me...i don't understand. just come straight to the fucking point. if i'm being a total shithead, tell me. damn, if it's for everyone's sake, just open your goddamn mouth. anyway, it was not like you were fucking contributing at all fuckface. i've never used this much vulgarities as much as this today. hm, i'm never gonna tolerate this man. i've been known to make situations awkward. i've been known to say the wrong stuff. i've been known for controvesy. fuck, hm...me just controlling now ladies.

while i'm on it...

i hate the people in canoeist. the ones who think they can do everything and all. there's a difference in being full of testosterone and being full of irritating shit that makes others want to punch you in the balls. i've been around and i can safely say that canoeist are one of the few humble people around. at first i was like...alright, you wanna do this, i'll play along bitch. now you fucking around with everyone and acting the fool. fuck, why don't you just let everyone know what you really are doing and feeling infront of others. don't fuck around. disrespecting others. like what the fuck man. pity the alumnis couldn't see it. see what a fake you guys are. anyway, i know who are gonna be the ones in the team. the great ones. seriously. they are the ones who i hope can be in there. the heart. i've got the heart. i want to pursue on. and since i've got the heart, i've gotta work hard. fight hard. gotta really go all put for that man. argh, to the rest of you fakers and poseurs, fuck you.

hm, i've ranted too much. and who wants to ask me when i really did cry last? and why? if you can only see it from my point of view, then maybe you'd understand. otherwise, you're just gonna see me as weak.

Nav

I Count Him Braver Who Overcomes His Desires Than Him Who Conquers His Enemies, For The Hardest Victory Is Over Self.

2009-06-01T03:23:00.000-07:00

hm, my mood seems to be fluctuating more than the recent economy situation. i dunno why. my mood was like this last time. am i losing my cool? is my real self coming up? i even found myself crapping for three minutes at canoe pratice on saturday and two seconds later, i found myself keeping quiet and looking pissed. i was sudden with the change that people were like stunned??

hm, i dunno. am i just tired? or am i just a senseless stupid jerk with no feelings for the other party whatsoever? maybe i am, maybe i'm not. but you know, sometimes i feel my mask is falling off. i'm lost in my own definitions. i wanna be more human now. i feel i am becoming human. i'm becoming more myself. and that's me being more unpredictable. more wiser. hm, shit. tired of all this immaturity that i have to put up with. i understand myself now. i'm a new man. new urban man. well, not really a new urban man. i'm not too homo. don't get it? hm, take a look inside the new urban male stores and then you'll see why i say what i say.

hm, who am i stop you?

hm, tell me something. politics is getting to neck to neck right now. and those who know me will know that i like politics. the whole situation is making gleefully smile under my hood. the evil side has yet to be revealed and unleashed.

and yeah, this is gonna be a short one. and i'm regretting some stuff. red fox scout unit, i dunno why. maybe what i thought would not affect me is affecting me. the big question in everyone's mind. will i be a leader in the future? will i take up the challenge of leading a group of scouts? will i lead red fox to a greater height?

my answer is...no. i'm really sorry. but i just don't know if everyone's ready.

Culda

Many Men Go Fishing All Of Their Lives Without Knowing That It Is Not Fish They Are After.

2009-05-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking. sometimes, why do we do the things we do? do we really know what we want? we do the things that make us happy. cause we all desire to achieve happiness. but why do we want happiness? does it really make our lives more meaningful? more worth it? is that what we think of life? a pursuit of happiness? do we have this thinking in our minds that happiness will really lead to us eventually attaining a beautiful and good life? but then the question is, what is a bad life? where and what is the line that seperates good and bad?

anyway, are we really sure of what we want? when we go and accomplish something, what do we win it for and what for? honor? self-pride and a sense of accomplishment? what is the accomplishemnt for then? it's never ending isn't it. then why do we have friends? what's the point in loving? so we know how to hurt and deal with hurt? what's the point in being strong when at the end of the day, you don't exactly know why you have to be strong for? all this thoughts may have simple answers cause sometimes we may be too ignorant to accept the fact that our thoughts and perceptions can be questioned. we get too defensive. and why do we get so defensive? cause at the back of our minds, we have the littlest sense of insecurity about our own confidence in our own profound ideologies and principles.

forgive me for thinking too much. but i'm curious. and that's how we grow. never stop asking questions. because when we do, we just stop growing and our minds soon turn into a pile of dust that will be left to be blown away when we are decomposing in a sandy and dirty grave in some god-forsaken barren region.

anyway, went down to sp today for canoe polo training. had a fun time throwing balls and passing them to others. practicing our throwing arm. practice makes perfect. at first i was like, "throwing balls?". and after that session, i was like "what? no more throwing balls?". yeah, then moved on to rolls. wall roll, paddle roll, and arm/hand roll. it was great. learnt the leg stuff and all that. one step closer. to my dream. my wish. my never-dying hope.

then moved on to macrithcie for sprint training. had fun in the k-boat. it's like bitch of a girlfriend you're not used to. hard to handle, but once you get used to it, you got it where you want it to be. anyway, then did circuits, gym and then had a very refreshing yet expected cool down with 100 plus pumping. nope, i'm not talking about inflating the sports drink. i am talking about the push-ups, or in some countries, the press-ups. yep, damn, gotta work harder. gotta pull it through. next week. 200 push ups at least.

dreams are not those that think when you're asleep. dreams are those that you think of after you wake up.

had a nice time with you the other day. nice interview. know you're reading. and just to let you know...no, i'm not pissed. oh and why isit everytime it always ends up being very un-friendly on MSN. haha, only god knows. alright, what else do you want me to say now? hm, never mind...just kidding. i wasn't gonna say anything anyway.

hm, MST coming up soon. gotta chiong for it already. econs, stats and ITAB. argh, i hate ITAB. gotta chiong hard for all this three modules. the rest probably can scrape through without much hassle? just a guess, hope. something like that. why do i think so much when it comes to econs especially. like doesn't everyone like pasta. so does it matter if it is still a inferior good? demand go down when income rises? erm, when i have more money, i buy more pasta. god damn assumptions. don't assume that everyone is like you. however, also don't assume that everyone is not like you.

hm, what more should i say right now? do i write alot? i don't notice it at all. what can i say - it's a gift and curse.

Culda

Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You, That's What I Wanna Do Now, RIght Now, That's Just It.

2009-05-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

it's been a long crazy and tiring week filled with aches, bad luck and a very strong aura of piss was in the air. this kind of stuff leads to a very eventful and unforgettable week. hm, well, let's begin on our journey then.

i loved the time i spent well on monday. though i was disappointed about not training cause of not bringing socks, i still found it very....very...never mind??? haha, no la, found it very well spent.

let's start with tuesday.

the day started off rather relatively well compared the second part of the day. woke up at 6 and reached sp at 730 and then realised that class starts at 9. then i was like feeling like a shithead so i went on to stadium and fell asleep there. then went on to lecture. back to back lectures. and i can't remember that smile when she turned around...jeremy if you reading, right or not!!! wooo...

then came ec. i hope everything goes on along well. have to cover each other's asses and do the work right, now. the credit units, the grades. we've gotta not be so carefree about it this time. and if it's time to hurt, hurt 'em.

controlling never seemed so hard until this shit suddenly came upon unto us.

canoeing came and then came the triumphant yells of motivational though cheap slogans echoing in the stadium to spur us on while we were tiredlessly executing agonizing and painful exersises that only showed and proved how our weak minds were the bane of entire progress of earning our right of being in the canoeing team of which someday i endeavour to achieve the pride and honor of being the captain and be able to motivate, inspire and push young ones to follow into the steps of their successors and eventually leading the whole team to soar to greater heights. oh, we did close to 300 push ups. at first i was doing fine until there came the glorious 100m sprints followed by push-ups of which were 20, 30 and 40. for the last set i did only 10 push-ups. then i changed to crunches cause i acted smart by putting too much effort into sprinting of which i did rather well. but for the crunches, it was like for every 1 push-up, you do 3 crunches. damn. but all in all, it was a very good day. reached home at 11am to my dinner with my muscles aching and my mind having a hangover.

to be the best, among the rest, that's all i want and need to be.

hm, then moving onto wednesday. hm, can't belive it. i made a plan and didn't stick to the timing. and i'm like really sorry for it. but luckily, what i expected didn't happen. hm, so i kinda was happy for that and i appreciate what you did and your understanding. and it won't happen again. i hope...

played tai ti with daniel, jeremy, and jia le in fc 5 for like god knows how long and then i made my way back to manjusri to help with some skills lecture for the upcoming combined camp. 5th 6th 7th june. hope i'll be able to go also. it's school...i forgot. damn, parent's not gonna be so happy with that. and i can understand why as well. hm, got dragon boat...i want go...so long never go. wooo, dragon boating.

then came thursday. boring ITAB again. didn't bring the book...so was partly lost. and in poly, what do you do when you are lost? you go on to the internet to help make yourself feel better. then anyway was so sleepy, one can of red bull and one can of shark couldn't help keep me awake. what the hell? then played tai ti again then went off to canoeing again.

canoeing wasn't tiring today. well, not to me. maybe cause it was running and circuits today. hm, then stayed back to do my own training. for like 40 mins. hm, ahhh...pull ups is my only worry only. gotta pull two or three everytime i see a bar that's of an acceptable height for me so that my legs don't touch the ground easily. hm, like in sp, the bars are like just enough for me, but i can still touch the floor and i'm at the least tip toeing. i think i don't even need to tip toe. this senior was like in a laughing fit when i was doing the pull ups and then rested by tip toeing. hm, actually that girl's not bad. but her voice is like...a puppy. and i dunno whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. anyway, yeah, anything for a laugh???

what's the point in having a good body when you don't even have a good attitude to match?

canoeing rocks. i love it. paddle hard. paddle fast. hard fast. whatever. gotta think of somehting smarter than that. like what i always say. it's good if you search for good stuff, but i prefer spontaneosity and originality...

Culda

P.S. i love our rules. and i'll stick by it. trust me. okay? smile now? smiling? come on abit more. gooooood. now you can roll your eyes.

I Wanna Let You Know About It All, But I Fear The Unknown Of Some Unknown Fear And I Also Do Not Want It To Just Fall Apart Before It Got Pieced Up.

2009-05-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

i dunno whether what i said makes sense. i'm not getting as creative as i used to be. anyway, yeah. had a very uneventful weekend. did half of econs homework while i was half-asleep and completed the rest of it in the afternoon. then continued on to touch up my accounting tutorial. it was all good. then kinda just searched for more songs as well and just heard another great version of katy perry, but that's a different story.

i feel that my blog entries are like getting shorter and shorter each day. i dunno, i jsut find it tough to actually keep to a certain word limit so i just write what i feel like. like i could start writing about a monkey kissing an aligator thinking that it was a burnt over-sized banana and lived to tell the tale but i wouldn't cause it isn't much of a story but rather more of a interesting yet redundant snippet to just fill into some paragraph or something. or maybe i could start writing again about something deep and profound like how love is.

what is love? love is nothing but a word. a simple but complexed word. but then again, as i always say, complexities of life are meant to be simplified in one way or another to make our lives less confused. but then again, no matter what, we're always confused.

so why is love so complex if it's simply a word? love is full of contradictions and ironies and duality and whatever have you in this world. love can bring two people together, and can make two others fall apart. love can be the word used to make someone happy, or to make someone truthfully happy. love joins hearts before breaking them. love is a problem and also a solution, a cause and also an effect. love no matter where you look at it, is a crime as you steal hearts for yourself, while allowing yours to be stolen as well. love can be between two people or you and the world. love is nothing and everything. love is all around us but it can't be felt.

love involves all the different values and all like simple committement, dedication, understanding, care, concern, friendship and thoughts for each party from the heart. attraction. true smiles and tears from the heart. and all that things. i can't carry on.

sometimes you wear a mask for so long you forget who are you beneath it.

can't wait for dba 07 chalet. wonder what is there in store. the only bad thing. after getting my financial status up and healthy again, gotta part with 20 bucks of it. back to me living in a financial deificit. my wallet never felt so light. and it's been a long time since i had my favourite drink - RED BULL!!! red bull gives you wings...and so does a bus hitting you in the face but i think red bull is better. cause you can get back down. whatever. anyway, i wanna go chalet. hope that the PTN thing can apply and we get like 7 bucks reimbursement. reimbursement, my favourite word. after free of charge.

gotta go off to lala land and dream of soft little pink sheep and turn them into tender steaks of mutton for a hearty dinner. i'm like freaking hungry now. gawd-damn son of a bitch, i'm hungry.

my heart skips a beat everytime i look at you.

hm, i dunno what happened to me yesterday. why i said those things...i really dunno why. i read it again. and to me, it sounds really really stupid. but i just don't really want to say everything right now. like i said, it's still too early. but everytime an argument comes up when it involves serious stuff (to me), i just wanna yell it out. whatever. haiz, i dunno why that thing happened. i'm not one to say forget what happened. that's up to you.

Culda

P.S. i wonder whether I should NEED to talk to YOU.

I Always Yearn For Something Different, And I've Finally Found What Is Different And That Is Something That's Almost As Similar To Me.

2009-05-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

got up early in the morning for ventures meeting in manjusri. in my honest opinion, the scouts are still like what they used to be in the past. not much growth can be seen. anyway, gonna be going to be facilitator for their training camp. hm, i kinda can't wait for the camp. maybe cause there's dragon boating and campfire of which i'm emceeing. gotta get my partner and do up the script as soon as possible. wonder who will be my partner.

anyways, rushed down to sp only to find out canoeing got cancelled today. the training at macritchie. must have been cause of the guy who drowned there, god rest his soul. was so looking for it. hm, at first in the morning there was canoe polo training which i skipped due to my meeting. then i had like nothing to do.

so i grabbed a mcspicy meal and cheeseburger and walked from dover to redhill. had a nice walk. got to think through some stuff. what was the outcome? nothing much. what i told myself i wouldn't want to carry on with, i said to myself, "heck why should i do it when i really know that that's what i want.

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

should i not have said it.

Culda

I Try In Every Way To Not Tell You The Truth At The Fear Of Ruining Whatever There Is To Lose And I Hope Not To Make You Irritated.

2009-05-22T05:21:00.000-07:00

the journey of life is of how we perceive it to be.be it a long perilous journey, or a carefree everlasting ride into the horizon , we've all got our own view. shall there be anyone to justify and tell us the definition of life in their view for our sake and for us to live by as a guideline, then our life is about as worthless as the termites in a piece of wood that has been out at sea for a month. it's up to us to find our life...find our own definition of life in this crazy world that we live in that has just no rules except for the fact that you live by your own.

it's been too hard living, but i'm afraid to die.

i have managed to discipline myself and commit myself to a week full of training. stuck by it. wooo...cool...muscles aching...i'm gonna work on to my goal of leading the team. to be the captain. call me crazy. but i've gotta aim, try and achieve. you've got a dream. go for it. you never know, you may do better than you expected. and plus, you've also got a story to tell, to inspire. the stature of a man who stands in the rain and pushes on for the last mile is already of someone who can inspire with the power, determination and dedication to oneself.

every accomplishment starts with the decision to try and do something.

it's been a while. and i hope it'll continue for a while more. it seems so great...this feeling inside...how i yearn to know more...make whatever this is flourish...it's still too early but, you know, gotta get the foundation ground right first. but i dunno why, the fear of history repeating itself is there. that's why i hesitate to say it all. but then again, sometimes i have to think to myself, it was what it was. time to look to the present, to the future...the past is only know a diary from where i reflect on and laugh upon. time to give it all i have.

if i had three wishes, one wouldn't be that i would make you fall in love with me. it would just be to notice me. the second, to let me spend time with you. and the third is for you see me as i am. the rest is up to you...

Culda

I Wanna Drown In Your Eyes And Spend The Entire Night With You Under The Falling Rain As There Is Nothing Better Than Living In This World With You.

2009-05-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

hey guys, finally back to blogging. been away long. i know. just been so pissed at people who apparently think something and then interpret something else and then start having verbal diarrhea on my tagboard like stranger and scouter. hm, apparently they are just to afraid or something to even put their real names and use irritating and annoying monikers as such which really just does raise your blood pressure level to a height that can cause your whole body to flush stronger than a airplane vacuun toilet.

anyway, since i'm back to blogging, i'm gonna make some stuff clear. if people had some problems deciphering what is right and what is not true in what i write, guess what. i'm not gonna fabricate anything anymore. everything about me will be true. anyway, also gonna make myself appear a little more human. gonna show all the colors of emotions. you know why? cause i'm like that. like this and like that and like this and like this...boooosh!

BIZ ADMIN
woo, biz admin is starting to get to me. starting to get into the role of a biz ad man. hm, the modules are somewhat okay la. let me go through it all.

Accounting - hm, been there done that. i remembered the time when i told my teacher straight to her face that i wanna drop accounting in secondary school. it was easy but boring. but now anyway, it's not any different, the accounting lecturer just goes on and on like a bad celine dion cd. and the tutorial lecturer isn't any better. he's the the answer to everyone who said that there is no one who looks like a indian einstein. calling me 'nau' or 'now'. like what the heck. at least call me 'naf'...how hard is it to pronounce the freaking 'f' sound. it's so easy, he doesn't even need to put in much effort. his moustache can help examplify the 'f' sound. god help him. but anyway, hope get a good grade for this god forsaken module.

Economics - ahh, economics. to everyone, i'm known as the guy with the cap. ah, the lecturer is about as lame as lameness can go. but economics is kinda scary. cause you've gotta assume a hell load of stuff. sounds easy and all. but gotta know how they're testing us. gotta wait for the MST. once MST is done, then the whole dynamics and mechanics of economics will be in motion. but so far, all's good.

Statistics - interestingly, i feel that this module is like the module i think the least of. i dunno why. it's like whenever i see my time table, i'll be like, "wow, i have that module"...everytime. the lecturer is a highly metrosexual dude with a surprisingly strong sense of humor that sometimes just can be disturbing though. i remembered i was the guy that went "oh fuck!!!" in class. and i remembered he was stunned abit. the tutorial lecturer is abit lost though i feel and gots a lot to prove. laughing at him not with him. anyway, i would like to call him 'mr chirro'. hmm, nice name tio bo.

Effective Communications (EC) - taught by probably one of the most good-looking lecturers in SP. but too bad i feel that this is gonna be a another CRS where i'll do everything and then in the end get a B. that just sucks. but doesn't suck as much as a D for Characther Development. anyway, EC is fun. i'm hoping that someday there will be some kind of special presentation, which i hope i can actually do something different but with a shock value.

Management Behavior (MOB) - mob is freaking dumb. and the tutorial lecturer who's a mophead of a lecturer doesn't make it any better. just feel like strangling her or poking a pen through her glasses and eyeball, causing extreme pain and agony to her leading to her taking a resignation based on medical grounds and then eventually leading to a new lecturer. probably a hot one as well.

Info Tech in Biz (ITAB) - amazningly this is one of the most fun classes yet it can be excruiatingly painful as well. 3 hours of staring infront of a laptop screen and doing some kind of shit that's like so easy but tedious. and most of us are listening to music, fb-ing, sleeping...basically keng-ing the whole way. copying from others at the end of the day. i'm not one of them anyway.

the people in the class are also good. colourful. amazing. yep, will post some pics some day. get all their pics (group and individual). make it like some photo album. yepedy yep.

CANOEING
yep, joining canoeing. confirm on it. gonna train hard for it. captain. that's my goal. the best of the best. gotta be disciplined. gotta be different. gotta be the best. yep my goal. but for now, just aim for the skies and higher. wasted i could have been a senior in the canoeing team and still have another three years to go had i joined canoeing instead of dragon boat. well, a little too late to regret now. never mind. make full use of this three years. canoeing...paddle hard. paddle on.

IN CONCLUSION
hm, aiming for the highest mark is what we all have to do. gotta make the impossible possible. go the extra height, go the extra mile, go the extra stride. whatever. we've all gotta do it. it's our own life at stake. survival of the fittest. com'on, wake up, get up and do something.

Culda

Should I Let The World Know Or Should I Live Life With A Closet Full Of Skeletons, Doomed To Remain There Til The End Of My Existence?

2009-05-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

i've got so many issues.

family issues. girl issues. insecurities. my hidden anger. my hatred. a personal vendetta. i've got a issue with people doing what i think is wrong. so i've decided to either save them or to save me. to save a life, that's my greatest motivation.

i live in a world of many philosophies, but they all just flow together, never do they contradict. i just feel that people confuse me. and i'm the reason behind the confusion. maybe i've got a very weird thinking. different. matured??? i don't know.

i'm hesitating on whether i should i write down the story of my life. in all it's hidden sadistic and blackened glory. but it seems to complicated to start off. it can either be enlightening or just lead to a clusterfuck.

in other news, bizness admin is not bad so far. i feel that my above issue are taking a toll too much. wtf, i dunno any more.

Culda

Never Opened Myself This Way, Life Is Ours We Live It Our Way, All This Words I Don't Just Say...And Nothing Else Matters...

2009-04-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

i know now that through a certain rant, people can assume the greatest by guessing what is happening instead of actually going down to the main source and trying to assess and understand the whole situation. well, that's people right? If we worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true really is true, then there would be little hope for advance. And assuming just goes to show you how lazy we are, knowing that we can do all in power to understand what is going on, but we fail due to fact that we can actually just sit down in one corner and just come to a conclusion without any proof.

it's easier to criticize than to help work on something.

anyway, i accepted the post, knowing in all fact that it was not gonna be a walk in the park. but that doesn't mean it's not always smooth sailing. maybe my constant rants about exaggerating my views and opinions have caused mental strain and hurt on some and that lead to that bunch with a constant itch to write something and thus doing so, i hope that they have kinda eased up alright. but maybe they were unknown that i was ready for them. anyway, i love being a venture chairman. cause why? roles and responsibilites...changes people. give those to a man and he will understand his responsibility and his duty to the unit or whatever. hm, but you are doubting me...never mind...read scouting for boys campfire yarn number 4, the patrol system paragraph 2.

hm, scouting was all about progression...personal progression. from a young boy to grand gentleman. from a tenderfoot to a old bird. it's all about growing. and i knew it from the start, or rather from the moment i read scouting for boys. of course i have read other materials like rovering to success and all. also read some guiding materials just for fun. hm, it's all knowledge. now that we've learnt how to live with the basic responsibilites when we were in a patrol and now that we've learnt how to take riegns of being a leader by guiding the young boys and thinking for the whole unit, we've to also learn how are such things benefitting us? isit benefitting us first of all? if it's not, might as well not do what you're do. everything is a learning experience. everyday is a learning experience. i've learnt that throughout. and therefore, i love leading my unit, my venture unit. cause i learn about myself and how to work with others. i learn about new stuff. i'm never unamazed.

Through failure we learn.

hm, yeah, there are problems but at the end of the day we learn to overcome it. it's never too late. it seriously is never too late. no matter what anyone tells you. the world is a big furniture store with unlimited numbers of open doors. see which one you can go through.

yeah, hm, i wanted to say some stuff, but i said it in a more better way. i decided that i was in no right to state the other side cause i'm just a nobody.

in other matters...i've just got one thing to say.

do i make people hate me? and don't think of the stupid 'just because you're my friend so i can crap about it' answer. really? haiz, i've not grown haven't i? should i give up?

i think the moment if we can communicate better and be happy with each others characther and all, then i would say that i have succeded.

Culda

Hey Honey, Sorry I Can't Spend Too Much Time With You As I'm On My Reign of Terror, Striking Fear Into All Those Who Pass By Me, Just For No Reason.

2009-04-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

am i being to fierce? but i'm not the fierce one? am i? are people really afraid to come up to me? why oh why have i done this to myself? i didn't ask for this. i didn't ask to be hated? isit because of the fact that i have the habit of making people feel like idiots? isit because i tend to pick on the little things that do wrong? is it because i have the habit of shouting and screaming at them? isit because i tend to appear ready to pick on them? isit because of the fact i love to see them punished just because they are not up to certain standard? oh, it is? okay, then i don't mind being hated.

no but really...i mean, i'm trying to change. i don't punish them now. i talk to them nicely. i try to be more entertaining. in a way that they can slowly learn the ways of the venture. even if that sounds right. hm, anyway, trial and error. through failure we learn.

but!!! why do guides hate me??? oh no...when my ventures told me that, i was seriously heart-broken. oh...it's really like a shot to my heart. i'm not kidding. argh...it really hurts. why do they hate me? oh no...this can't be. what the hell...

anyway, in other news, i'm going to rovers this saturday. i want to show them that i really am caring for their unit. but i mean again. i hope they are not expecting me and the rest of the new rovers to teach them to teach us rovering. that's abit wrong. i mean...it doesn't sound right. but i'm taking footdrill. i was like so confident about it but then when i heard guides hate me...then i started to question my confidence. argh...why?

Culda

A Long Way To Go 'Til I Finally See Your Face, Smling At Me Through The Broken Glass WIndow Pane Through Which I Will Tell How Much I Love You.

2009-03-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

campfire's galore. so many coming up. i've missed campfires. how i would get crazy and all. campfire's meant everything to me. through campfire, you see the scout who enjoys life and one that enjoys his own time in his own world. it's nothing wrong. but again, is it right?

hm, hope that everyone can stick out through this perilous journey to make red fox ventures known. hm, i have dreams. but so do you right? so yeah, tell me what you'll dream about, and we'll do your things for sure. terms and conditions apply. yeah, but anyway, it's great to have a good strong backing forming up behind.

in other concerns or worries, am i too matured in mind? sometimes when i let go my crazy side, and if i were to just talk when i'm sober on stuff, i tend to speak like an old man. am i getting old? i've got so many stories to tell. haiz...i need a girl. if not, i'll be more older.

talking about girl, that girl. what's the reason she keeps appearing that way infront of me. am i thinking too much. but again, stuff like this did happen before. and i wasn't prepared for it. but now it seems so different. but again, it seems so familiar. am i thinking too much. i always tend to overthink stuff. and it either leads to epic catastrophic proportions of disaster in both lives, especially mine.

hm, iron maiden now on my playlist. damn, iron maiden, so simply sinister. really the pioneers of metal. metallica, iron maiden, black sabbath. linkin park, my favourite modern metal band. bullet for my valentine, also it reminds me of many times last time in secondary school. cradle of filth, though they've gone through drastic changes, they still have that appeal. dani filth, you inspired me to know more about the more gruesome stuff in history. hm, then there's atreyu, who delivered one of the best albums in 2007/2008. with their fresh metalcore sounds with the vocals delivered finely. then there's the band Red, which i'm starting to really develop a liking for. especially with their single, 'already over'. and red is a christian hard rock band. and another christian hard rock band that deserves the final mention of today is Pillar. relatively awesome.

yep, i need to further my research. i find that doing research is fun. jsut that sometimes, can get distracted by other stuff. other research stuff. i get easily distracted.

and i'm still waiting for sp.

Nav

Metallica - Wherever I May Roam

2009-03-29T21:53:00.000-07:00

(And the road becomes my bride)

And the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride
So in her I do confide
And she keeps me satisfied
Gives me all I need

And with dust in throat I crave
Only knowledge will I save
To the game you stay a slave

Roamer, wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will

But I'll take my time anywhere
Free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere

Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home

(And the earth becomes my throne)

And the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
Under wandering stars I've grown
By myself but not alone
I ask no one

And my ties are severed clean
Less I have the more I gain
Off the beaten path I reign

Roamer, wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will

But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll take my time anywhere

Anywhere I roam
Where I lay my head is home
YE' YEAH

But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind
And I'll take my time anywhere

Anywhere I may roam
Where I lay my head is home
I say!

But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere

Anywhere I may roam
Where I lay my head is home

Carved upon my stone
My body lies, but still I roam,
Yeah yeah!

Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Woah

Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Yeah!

Wherever I may wander, wander, wander
Wherever I may roam

Yeah, yeah, wherever I may roam

Yeah, yeah, wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam

go search for the song on youtube. it's freaking awesome.

Venturians Of All Ages, We Unite Under This Auspicious Of Nights, Knowing The Fact That Wherever We Roam, Where We Lay Our Heads is Home.

2009-03-29T21:32:00.001-07:00

Red Fox Ventures
i can't wait for the venture hike. it's gonna be one hell of a walk. especially whoever's with me. i'll make it the most amazing and memorable hike. and we'll have the best time i can guarantee that. terms and conditions apply.

hm, i'm addicted to the symphony and metallica version of metallica's wherever i may roam. and that will be the song i'll be singing throughout the hike. it's such a freaking nice song. anyway, metallica rocks. independance, we all fight for. we all strive for it. hm, hike...has to be done...in full uniform.

yep...red fox ventures are going on smoothly. from a train, we're progressing into a car. a car with people slowly learning how to take over the wheel after a while. and that's just great. if we go back into a train, it'll be a train wreck. but hey, at least we're getting known now as well. and this car wash, don't worry, we can have it anytime. jsut that we are only restricted by our other 'committements'.

oh and there'll be alot of campfires coming up soon. we'll be gate crashers. don't worry, it's more fun that way. we'll show them how a campfire is done. the red fox way.

My Own Self
hm, personal progression. venture scout cord is all i can go for. the rest of you...if you want PSA, go for it. now. even scouts. go for it. don't care. your interest can't be killed by anyone. and if does get killed by anyone, come find me. i'll take you under my wing, and help you source for help.

anyway, i'm trying to cut down on my swearing. or rather cheap sentence enhancers. you must see the context. it's all in the context. everyone's so blinded by labels. argh, can make you bang the wall. i've had enough. i've always had enough. i'm starting to lose my cool. i'm starting to vent my anger out.

Culda

Let Pain Be Your Friend, For It Is The Only Friend Who Will Tell You The Truth And Make You Cry Before Making You Realise That You're Doing Something.

2009-03-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

listening to system of a down right now. great band. wonder why i haven't been checking them out in a long time. see that's what happens to us. we get so caught up in our impulses that we forget all the good things in life. system of a down is the kind of band that makes you think twice about its lyrics. a normal listen would just think, damn they are so random. so funny. so crappy. but i mean, if you were to look at it again, it were to sound deep. something that would take you quite a long time to figure it out.

yeah, metallica also...i like. they make me feel that metal was alive for a reason. with their sinister written lyrics that seemed so effortlessly, i find myself always finding ways to find the ways of writing something biblical in the context of pure hard edge metal. i dunno whether what i said made sense, but it's casue i'm listening to hard rock right now.

then there'll be people who will say, 'metal is just noise' or some christians will comment that metal is the work of satanic followers as there are countless lyrics againts chritainism and all that. but apparently, it's not only about that. you've christian and white metal. they're both for christianism. then they'll be some people who will say, metal doesn't get to the point cause the lyrics hardly start immediately or doesn't start at all. they say there's too much unnecessary music that bores. metal is like an art where the greatest in the that industry create the best riffs and all. the best art on a canvas that has no boundaries.

but then again, we can't force someone into liking it. some people like beer. some people prefer coke. you've gotta know that we all have our own preferances. they can taste beer. they may like beer. but that doesn't mean that they have to make it their standard drink.

same like leadership. we've all got different styles. we can't force someone to say that "hey asshole, i don't like what you jsut said. or i don't like what you're doing. can you please change to what i prefer?". it doesn't sound right. we may have our own views on the other person but again it's views. you're not fucking god. you can't zap that fool to a crisp while he's out running at bedok resevoir with a blue ipod shuffle in his hand. you've gotta let him finish his run. tell him what he can improve on.

we can be sadistic. we can shout. we can kick and throw tantrums and make it seem that we are the ones who show more concern than the other guy about some organisation or whatever. we all under one roof. live or leave. you make the choice.

Wise words or crappy shit. you decide.

hero or zero. you've got all the right to be whichever you one.

Culda

For Words Can't Explain How Thou Shalt Have Torn Unto One's Soul So Thus Brings Upon A Ray Of Hope Onto Forgiveness Of Others.

2009-03-11T03:09:00.000-07:00

do people really understand my tittles? hm it sound chim doesn't it...but it doesn't make sense. but again that's the first step to convincing people. you confuse them. that's how you win arguments. you can use big big words, you can make up words and just make a very long sentence with alot of made up words and you can make it seem just like a sentence if you say it with confidence.

other ways to win arguments is to use charm. use pick up lines. use sweet lines. this confuses the person. but of course the person has to be of the opposite sex unless that person is gay or something. yeah, that's how i try to win arguments. but nowadays people don't seem so interested in arguments. that's why i've gotta create my own.

hm, what is up for me this week? well, gotta go get venture tee for the new ventures on thursday. going to call red cross on thursday as well. friday is overnight venture outing. saturday and sunday is investiture/job week camp. i practically breathe venture-chairing nowadays.

venture chair. hm, i've been doing too much. why? to make up for my past mistakes? maybe. but i'm learning. we all are. i should understand that. i believe all alot of things. i want to believe alot of things. i've got a very creative mind. ideas are runing through my mind everytime. ideas are ideas. as long as you've got an idea, you can adjust it with a team if you want. that's what ideas are for. ideas are the ones that help build the support of structures.

remember the idea, not the man. for the man can die. for the man may not be of equal status. for the man may not be welcomed. but ideas don't have boundaries. they don't have feelings.

i have to now get the admin stuff done and done. got make the guys all close and crazy and all. i mean, they all decided to start venturing for a reason right? gotta make the crazy bond. that's it. you've got the bond. you've got the commaradarie. you've got the relationship. you've got the committment. you've got a cool strong yet tight unit. and that's my visison.

sometimes i feel that i regretted not giving the real speech that i wanted. i kept feeling that you guys were not ready. i just basically told you'll what you were supposed to hear. but yeah, too late regretting. i'm gonna do it all over again. not with restriction of time, not with the restriction of a tight agenda, not with anything else. i'm gonna make it formalise. therefore i can now unofficially say that the venture unit will undergo some modifications to whatever system it has now. i'm gonna be very transperant. cause in the venture unit, there's no obvious hierachy. we are all ventures. like friends. no more treating you like kids. the hard truth will be there of course. but we're there to learn, teach and have endless, crazy, non-sensical fun together at the same time. something like that. that's the whole primary focus right now.

hm, let me put in a very easy to relate example. when you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend, are you committed to him/her? or are you committed to the relationship? if you're committed to a person, aren't you being like a slave? you attend to his/her every need? you appear to needy to surrounding people or worst even to the person you like. when you commit yourself to a relatinship, you work for the relationship to work. simple right. same thing basically. don't need to commit yourself to me. just to the unit. it takes less efforst than you know.

i can't believe i talked so much. i'm like having a super running nose. part of my mouth is hurting due to my braces. i have a aching headache. i have a blocked ear. and i'm on the verge of puking/fainting. i'm dying.

Culda

P.s. i can't wait to play twister....

If Death Spare Me Mercy, And The Devil House Me Not, May My Soul Gain Not The Pain That I Used To Endure But 'Stead Deliver Me Into A Girl's Heart.

2009-03-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

i've been waiting so long. after my last failed relationship which was like how many donkey years ago, i start to practice being an archer again. sometimes they ask me or they say, why isit that sometimes i don't even have a girl and sometimes i have so many targets? hm, you know how you're waiting for a bus at a bus-stop. you're waiting for so long. you're eager. you've got a bus concession pass, meaning you can take how many buses you want. so you're waiting, listening to whatever keeps you calm. so then in the distant you see your bus. but then as you look more clearly, you see that two buses that you can take. that's what it is. sometimes life plays with you. it makes you wait. and when the time comes, many oppurtunities come along and you have to choose. but it's funny cause besides choosing, you can also try to figure out which one is better. so you try your luck with one. the first bus has this old man. and all of a sudden he's yelling in your face about how slow the bus is moving. you could sit in that bus for the entire journey with an old man complaining about the inefficiency of busses and regret for the entire ride. or you could alight and get on the next bus. the next bus seems okay. but then it breaks down halfway. luckily you know there's another bus coming along behind. but when you try to catch the next bus, it just zooms past, either it ignored you, it didn't like you for some apparent reason or it's too occupied.

it seems a little screwed to some. but if you found that this makes sense, then that means you can relate and you've been through the same situation as i have been. people may think that this is beig indecisive or they see you as a player. but you're just seeing the grounds. your job is not to change the person you're with entirely. unless the person changes specially for you. but i mean if you're in a relationship where it's not working out but you're still hanging on and lying to yourself that you can change it for the better, my advice to you is to get the fuck out. if you can't deal with the shit, flush it down and move on.

hm, but it's easier said than done. we get too blinded in some sitautions. so what can we do eh, dudes and dudettes?

hm, okay. whichever girl i want, i've gotta just work it out ya know. it doesn't work out, move on. don't cry over spilt soya milk. that's what i'm gonna do now. my target in mind. my targets in mind. but of course someitmes rushing in can be good, sometimes it can be bad. so you've gotta work your cards right. it's not the hand of cards that matters, it's how you play the cards.

okay, i've gotta say this officially. i always thought that you were a good girl. i always thought you were the one who could be the different one. but man, how was i wrong. who was i to know that you were wearing a mask all around. yeah, really. can't believe it. hm, hope you're reading this. goodbye to you. farewell. enjoy wherever you go. at first i was depressed that my hopes of being with you died. but after knowing you more after what happened. it's freaking great that i didn't hop into a wagon that was full of lies and false hopes. but still, i will never lie about not having feelings for you. yeah. goodbye again. may you being in canada have a happy life and all.

anyway, moving on to other brighter things.

cute? adorable? pretty? how should i describe her?

Culda

And So I'm Back And May All The Holy Deities Forgive And Spare Me For This Occasion For I Have Sinned In Ways That Ruins The Path Of Righteousness.

2009-03-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

and it's been about a month. hm, a month. if some months have 30 days and some months have 31 days, how many months have 28 days?

dunno the answer? the answer is all the months.

anyway, i'm back. i'm beginning to have a clearer picture of what i want right now.

Education
a clearer picture of what i wanna do for my education. just need to be given the chance. letter been sent. but no reply. well, you know what to do when there's no reply? keep pushing and asking for a reply. you've gotta fight for it. you want something, you've gotta stand up and go get it. period. the endless pursuit of happiness. you've gotta have the fighting spirit. if not, you'll find yourself not getting anything else in life. but what if i don't get it. well, i've wasted my entire year in a place where i disgraced myself and all. so i've gotta just do well in whatever i'm doing now. from then onwards, i've gotta just do well. that's all on my mind. GPA means everything. well, a good gpa. a gpa of 0.9 is something not to be proud of.

Venturing
i've also got a clearer view for my venture unit and what i want my venture unit to be doing. what i am doing now is seeing how other units (be it scout, venture, rover or even a non-scout unit) run and modify areas in which the system they are running by is not going well. even if they are doing something that is really good, there's gotta be a way to modify it to suit our own preferances. hm, but first i've gotta know my venture unit well. yep. red fox all the way. anyway, i'm still wondering. my doubts, i hope, will be cleared very soon. anyway, here i go. delegate now. i've done the first step. ahhhh, okay, i'm gonna shut up now. don't wanna let out too many surprises. but ventures, going at the pace now that i envision it to, is going well.

Scouts/Guides
hm, right now, i'm also playing the impartial role. i offer my assistance to whoever needs it. be it the leaders or scouts. i'm also seeing the next best thing that i can offer assistance to. girl guides. why you ask? cause i love our beautiful guides alot. and plus i know that after graduating, they'll find that they might be lost. so they can always join ventures that will help shelter them during this few years and they will also be able to find their true selves under ventures. so yeah, i'll be glad to welcome you with out-streched arms and a umbrella (ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). but guides seriously need that oomph. you know when you eat nasi lemak. you can have good meats and all. but if the chilli is not there, then it's nothing effective. it's just bland and doesn't do anything. have a good chilli and you'll see the results.

alright, i'll have a good rest now. rest for another month? nah, just for another day. i've got nothing to do this holidays. so i'll just blog about anything and everything under the sun.

Culda

I'm Supposed To Die Tonight

2009-02-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

1. Put your iPod or i tunes library, or MP3 player etc... on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds. (The silliness is rather the point.)
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

Here it goes:-

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Simple Plan - Perfect [i'm so optimistic all of a sudden]

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Ludacris - Number One Spot [hell yeahh!!! baby!!! me numero uno. take that.]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Cradle Of Filth - I Am The Thorn [hm, no comments. but nice song though]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE
Boyz To Men - On Bended Knee [i'm gonna propose...over and over and over again. til i die, i'm gonna propose...]

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Punjabi MC - Knight Rider [maybe night rider would be more nice. i love the night. i don't 'ride' knights...it's just wrong]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Pillar - Bring Me Down [hm, that's just sad...]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
James Morrison - Undiscovered [hm, i do think about...but not so much really]

WHAT IS 2+2?
N'Sync - Dirty Pop [interesting...thought provoking]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Fall Out Boy - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) [okay, this sounds really gay!!!]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Bullet For My Valentine - Say Goodnight [that's all i can think of seriously...itunes knows me too well.}

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Rihanna - Sell Me Candy [this just does not make sense]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Eric Clapton - Lady In Red [what the heck]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Dream Theater - Honor Thy Father [haha, in case you'll dunno this song is actually a hate song...so contradicting eh?]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Iron Maiden - Only The Good Die Young [what's that supposed to mean?]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
R Kelly Feat. Usher - Same Girl [i don't think i'll be dancing to this...maybe singing...but still kinda the wrong song]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Montana Tucker Feat. Sikora And Denial (From Step Up 2) - Ain't No Stressing [great, everyone will be dancing, popping and locking and break dancing at my funeral...just great)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Inner Circle - Bad Boys [sounds wrong...i don't do bad boys..am i bad boy...think i've changed]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Sean Paul - We Be Burning [hm, no sense i can make of this]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Switchfoot - Meant To Live [see, i'm humane...i know you guys deserve to live]

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Crazy Town - Butterfly (Come My Lady) [no link but hey on the bright side i didn't know i had this song]

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Basshunter - Now You're Gone [it says how i will die, not when i'm dead..sheesh, to think i could trust itunes]

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
P.O.D. - Alive [i hate itunes!!!]

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Cradle Of Filth - The Foetus Of A New Day Kicking [interesting...i didn't know]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Dream Theater - Solitary Shell [in other words, i'm emo when i alone...goddammit]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Linkin Park - What I've Done [two words...'ha' and ha']

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Christina Aguilera - Super Bitch [hell yeah, scared for my own wallet and safety and all that]

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
BuckCherry - Sorry [...no one does...]

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Evanescence - Missing [i would rescue all the missing people...and i would win some kind of nobel prize as well for going into time and doing good stuff]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Ne-Yo - Do You [hm, thinking about some parts of the lyrics, i really do hurt thinking...]

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
50 Cent - I'm Supposed To Die Tonight [great...thanks alot itunes]

Who do i tag at this moment?

Culda

We Fall Into It, We Fall Out Of It, We Don't Understand It, We Can't Understand It, We Can't Help It, We Just Do It, Love Is Complicated.

2009-02-08T06:01:00.000-08:00

staring at the sky in the middle of the night with only a few stars to guide the lost and lonely, sometimes on certain occasions, i can't help but picture someone's face in the black canvas above me. depressing sometimes it may appear to some, but to me and other people who share the same habit of looking to the skies for a clearer picture of life, it's just dealing with the insanity of daily life.

i know there have been times where i have played with emotions and feeling of others and now i have started to feel that i am to be subjected to the vicious cycle of being the one being stamped into the dust.

i have started to know the meaning of love. and to love is to start to have a passion for something. and beginning to have a passion for something means to foster a commitement. these are the values that have to be fostered and inculcated in everything that we do from now on.

i was watching this movie earlier on, it was a depressing movie. about this girl who gets married to a guy and then the guy dies. well, there's more to it. but the thing that i wanna focus on is how the girl couldn't get over her husband's death. leads me to think. will i ever love anyone or get loved by anyone to such an extent that even if the worst were to happen, would love for one die? the commitement dies, the passion dies...the love dies? i don't know about that. this are all just thoughts...for us to think of.

i remember i had such a nice time with someone...but too bad, the wrong things were done. thus it lead to disaster from there. i never meant for it to happen. but shit happens. but anyway, it was amazing. and now that i know what it takes, it's all cool.

but then again. we have to think about this. do we love someone because he/she is everything we like about and fancy? or do you love that someone just for the company? just for company?

i see that i become more curious. but more you know, the more you get scared. for example, the more you learn about what can set a girl/guy off on a anger rampage, the more you caution yourself.

knowledge is power. power corrupts. so thus, is knowledge the root of corruptibility?

Nav

I Am Navjoth (Nerve-Joe-T) Singh (Sing) also known as Nav (Naf).

2009-02-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

finally. i have collected all my thoughts and organized myself to write about my dear miserable, enigmatic, unknown and misunderstood life. i look at myself in the mirror (to check myself out first) and i realise that i'm leading my life under a mask. sometimes i wonder whether the truth of my life will make me less approachable and more boring.

let me begin.

i was born into a family of 5. but there was always an age gap (7 between my bro, and 8/9 between my sis) which made me left out always. i never felt i could make a difference. always been known as the my brother's brother. always my brother's brother, or my sister's brother. my father always had supported everyone of us and he's probably the only reason why i'm still struggling through my life. everyone said, why not you just continue the course you are in now? my father always wanted us to learn the struggles of life. i started thinking. i needed to suceed. i learnt that i would start afresh. i have decided now. life is not all about studying. you've gotta get a life. but now it's different. singapore belives in meritocracy. so you've gotta get the best paper qualification. if not, you're just gonna get a 9-5 job with a pay enough only to pay for your eating bills for the entire month. after that, you're just left with money enough to go buy those nitty gritty shit.

but enough of that. i could continue on where i am now. but looking into the future, i feel that i would never be able to succed so well. so that's why i've decided to continue on my current decision. people say, isit all about money? well, for me, it is. my family went through some financial crisis and was never able to recover. however my father is working his hardest for us to make us never feel that impact. he's working so hard, that he suffers all alone in india. he spends about 3 months there. and when he's back in singapore, he's only there for like a week or two.

my mom is trying to not make us feel so sad. working as a housewife and trying to constantly trying to fix the problems in the family. but appareantly...the problems are still there. my bro always got all the attention. he made his mark as a successful person. so partly i don't blame him. but somehow i felt that my attention was compromised without my consent. even i was asked, i wouldn't have been given the choice to say no. anyway, i'm now struggling to make it work for my life.

i became a scout after joining ava. ava club sucks...seriously. i don't think i would have learned alot of stuff had i joined ava. i joined scouts like after half a year after. or was it less than that. i forgot. anyway, joining scouts was the best thing i ever did. joy was shared, tears were shed, and characther was forged. but then again i was just a scout. the moment i joined in and saw what a leader was, i told myself that i wanted to be a leader. but unfortunately, i never did seize the oppurtunity when i was given the chance. i regretted. but it's too late to regret. but it's never too late to learn from your regrets. yeah, i hope to make a difference now that i'm a venture. i try hard, but again sometimes insecurities reign when you start to think. i wouldn't say i'm a optimist nor am i a pessimist. but i would not deny to being more negative than being positive.

i've been to say things. sometimes the right things, but not the good things. sometimes at the socut unit i say stuff, that gets a little hurting. but the reason why i say that is that i slightly see the similarities between the unit men and my family. sometimes i can't help it. i dunno why. i've gotta stop. i need to stop.

...i cause hurt, but i hurt more...

it's hard for me to show people how i am. cause it's disturbing and depressing. i get so caught up in my thoughts some time, i sometimes get lost in reality. having close ties sometimes can lead to problems. it's hard when you've got close ties with someone and then you just slowly stop communicating and all. a scout makes friends, establishes and maintains harmonious relationships. sometimes i feel i'm dsigracing the scout law by doing what i do, but it's hard to continue when you know you've got your own reason which just kills you to do what you have to do. but i'm learning to change. i hope i do. i know i am. i'm begining to see it now.

...i confuse, i get confused...

it's hard to continue but we have to...i am on a new path. i am on the pathway to change. yes we can? yes i can. change i belive in. navjoth singh is new and improved. he's a new fuckin person...

Navjoth

P.S...haiyaz...who am i kidding...

I See Them Chinese Folks Gathering Around Dressed In Red And Exhanging Oranges, Laughing And Conversing And I Think To Myself 'What A Wonderful World'

2009-01-25T02:16:00.001-08:00

Xin Nian Kuai Le. Gong Xi Fa Cai. Fa Ya Fa Da Cai.

Remember, don't buy shoes and books and clocks, cut your hair, sweep the floor, scream vulgarities, and wear white and/or black.

Instead, get a whole load of sweets for a sweet year, make sure that your house is super clean (but abit too late for this advice), and have the lights on to scare away stuff (could get some lanterns to be save power), and if you like, bathe in some kinds of leaves to make yourself healthy for the whole year.

Once again, to you and your family, congratulations and be prosperous, healthy and lucky thorughout.

Culda

So Close Yet So Far.

2009-01-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

Hm, as my titles grow shorter, so does my entires. but i dunno, maybe today might be long. who knows maybe i start to talk about something and i'm either too tired to rant or to tired to shorten it.

it's sad to say that i have actually decided to do what i did not hope i ever desired to do. it hurts to just leave at such a point but can it be helped. i know that being here would just create more problems. it's like being in a relationship. if you are with another person, and you'll just somehow keep having different view points and all that, why bother lying to yourself that it will all be worked out? why bother being in a relationship when you know that at the end of the day, you'll know that there are certain issues in your head you know will be hard to talk about as it will just bring unhappiness and disappointment.

maybe i'm asking too much as well when i say i want to see purposes. i dunno why but sometimes i just feel like i'm turning into a moron, asking about all there purposes. maybe it's the way that i'm brought up. hm, but don't you think that if we were to actually ask ourselves the purposes from each party involved, we would find some stuff unnessarily redundant. hm, we also have to see each other's enthusiasm. how moronic huh?

well, anyway, i've decided to leave. maybe i'll feel that i'm creating a new life for myself. maybe.

Red Fox Ventures
hm, ventures. my new committement. i somehow know feel more attached to my venture unit even though it hasn't even been a month compared to my other past years in the unit. sadly this year would be offical last year in it. sad to leave as part of the unit. hm anyway, i'm seeing that my this venture batch can lead us to new heights. i hope that i don't get disappointed. i know i will not be. hm, but sometimes i wonder whether i'm doing too much at one time. am i being selfish to just see the unit go up and tend to neglect the other side? i hope this doesn't happen.

hm, i'm hoping that we understand each other well. i am a figure head, most of the times during meetings, activities and certain times which requires someone to step up as the spokesman or representative. other than that, i'm just a venture. a friend. it will be cool if you actually would like me to be a chairman all the time but i can assure you it would not help in any thing. it will just create unhappy and demanding and stressful situations and will lead to a downfall in progress if it continues.

my progress with that girl is still nowhere. hm, after RIC.

ladies tell me why can't i be more like the other kind of men. when i do, they say all men are the same.

Culda

RED RED RED

2009-01-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

hm, was doing a little reading online.

surprising how some 'ghost' stories happen to be of the same context. like i heard from ngee ann poly, where there is a red block, where someone committed suicide and the blood went all over the wall and railing. after painting it, it still had the red stains. so they decided to paint the whole thing red. then there's sing poly red bridge. someone committed suicide, the bridge began red, then everytime they paint, became red. so the paint it red. must be the same company, don't you think? since they so smart to come up with the same solution.

maybe it's the fascination to create stories. but i dunno. maybe it's true? who knows? hm, the other time i remember i was at the ngee ann poly, walking at the old engineering workshops. hm, even in the morning, it was creepy. and it was opposite the maju camp, of which there are some stories.

hm, buy listening to all this stories, i'm getting more fueled and eager to actually come up with a nightwalk, but i also dunno for who, when and all that. but i just wanna make it interesting and all that.

hm, also interested in stupid crappy games. like how we use to play during sec sch...fun like hell.

also just decided to do what i've been thinking about for a long time already. i know it's the right thing, but not a good thing.

Culda

Rough Seas Just Pose A Challenge To The Veteran Sea Captain, So He Just Adjusts His Cap And Whistles Softly While Calling His Men To Order.

2009-01-03T05:13:00.000-08:00

the challenge has begun. the weight of all the responsibilities start to get heavier on my shoulders. where i am now is starting to show that this transitional year is starting to be more challenging as the days go by. i know that i took it up. but i'm not gonna be another shit-case like what i was last time during the campfire planning. i need to change. i need to change the current situation. i believe that together, the whole comittee can create the legacy that is so deserves.

as first i had the feeling that a wrong choice was made, but i'm just starting to see what you like. i just hope that what i'm thinking does not come true. i do not want it to come true. i hope everything works out. it's not a good year to give up. actually, it's never a good year to give up. three years is all we've got. i'm going bye bye as an offiicial. the future of me in red fox is still unclear. i hope i can be with the ventures forever because seriously, venturing is different. though the bonds in scouting is unique, i hope that i'll actually be able to forge the same kind of bonding through certain event/activities/whatever.

well, the rovers are also on my mind. always. cause i know my committement to it. rovers big foot, survive the adventure camp, and still got my stupid annual camp which is so desperately in need of a date in order for it to be off my shoulders. i've got something to say rovers...i dunno hw to say it...but i need to get it off my chest..but i'm still hesitating cause it will change stuff...change as in...hm...i won't know...

can't believe it, can't believe what my family is going through right now. why does it have to happen. it just broke me today. i can't help but actually be weak about this. what the hell. well, shit happens.

Culda

Broken Glasses Lay Across The Sand Of The Sunny Island's Coast, Reminding Us That Though It Is A New Year, It Is Only Happy For Selfish Reasons.

2008-12-31T23:52:00.000-08:00

have we all lost all ability to think through things reasonably?

i stand back now, back up against the wall, start thinking to myself. what do we mean by happy new year? what is so happy? it seems like as the each year gets more complex and gets more screwed up. more innocent people fall prey to merciless attacks by fear-driving men who seek for some 'patriotic' or 'religious' reason. fireworks - fire in the sky. wasn't that one of the plagues or something. people celebrating about blasts of fire. hm, let's switch to another part of the world. blasts of fire in the sky - a mother would look up and hold her two sons and daugther closer to her in a huddle while her eyes start to tear up in fear, remembering of the time she lost her husband when he was on the way to market and would have made it back home in an hour had it not been for that car bomb.

yesterday met up with rovers to go for countdown at palawan beach, sentosa. bbq-ed for a while. bbq never felt so boring i dunno why. hm...got told to stop bbq-ing by the beach patrol. but we just carried on after that anyway. then we did the countdown and threw each other in the sea. then looking at how we rovers did it, other people followed us and threw their own friends into the sea. then we played other games. then played drinking games. had to think of her for a while before being bored into falling asleep by no talking-cock session. then went back home.

hm, thinking of her again. have i had enough of my insecured thoughts. maybe i should be like last time, just to modify certain parts here and there. i'm gonna do it. hm, i'm gonna do it slow and steady. i'm gonna tell her, by this week or something. and if it's awkward, i'll just live with it.

have a new year that you would feel satisfied with, ladies and gentleman. to my ventures, let's have more outings in the future. to my rovers, i've got something to say. and it could be either best thing or worst thing to do at the start of the new year. or maybe i'll say it after my annual camp. to my scouts, enjoy your brothers now. you can never underestimate the power of having such bonds. to my friends, i'm still gonna be pang seh-ing...but not as much. to her...let's get together.

Culda

P.S. Rovers.

The Shortest Post I Will Ever Write Cause I Know That If I Were To Carry On, People Will Know Who The Girl Is.

2008-12-30T07:20:00.000-08:00

she's black. she's white.
she's everything i know i might like.
i hesitate to do what i want to do,
cause i know i might just scare you.
you have no idea, i bet, at all about how i feel
but lately i've never felt anything so real
i know what's beeng going on but hope you'd just listen to me
that i hope you would be happy to spend the new year with me.

did that in 2 mins. can kinda tell. but i've been so distracted. throughout my run today, i couldn't stop thinking. should i stop my plans for tomorrow and just try to look for the perfect oppurtunity to tell her. but it just seems so wrong. maybe...maybe...

hm, somethings happened which i wish it hadn't. and even if it had, i wouldn't want them to happen so soon to the day when i'm hoping to actually tell you.

i hope i can actually show you in a way my sincereness and kinda show you my concern for you but it just happens to be hard cause it just might scare you. and that's the last thing that i want you to become. but i know you won't be scared. just put off or something like that at the least.

never have i actually felt this way, truthfully. but i hope you be there. but if you can't, then...it just will be another day then.

Nav

Red Fox Ventures - We Unite Under This Festive Lights That Are Substituting The Sun That We Are So Used To But I Hope We Get Used To It.

2008-12-25T20:44:00.001-08:00

Be the change. be the miracle. be the one that makes a sudden difference and for a good reason. see a vision, share the vision and live by that vision. some say the world doesn't need visionaries. it doesn't need 'dreamers'. but dreams puts a life in man's realities. we get to see the different picture. we get to see the 'what if'. and if visions be shared and is accepted by one and all, then change will be inevitable and will be the root of success.

i hope that i can actually take up this chairman post. i have a feeling we need to change some stuff going on right now. let us try to embrace this change. we didn't become ventures to jsut show others how bad a job we are doing. we need to do something. we need to be skillful. hard skills as well as soft skills. mostly on soft skills right now cause we need to know how to work with and manage relations with each other so as to have better communication and to also know how one would react to certain decisions. we have spotted the errors in all of our previous workings but have we learnt? or rather have we decided to move away from making this errors again and again? we have to stop making the errors and mistakes that we are so used to.

i know that i had my own problems with having a leadership appointment (eg. campfire chairman). i look at it now and realised my own immaturity in actually going through what i wanted to take up. but however, i've seen the consequences. i have also been in a organisation where i was able to see the culture of working through events and proposals and trying to make things work which always end up successfully and no one enjoys it more than they do. looking at that, i've seen what i've been lacking. and i have learnt from my errors. i've learnt from that mistakes. it's time for us not to be like fags and let things slide. com'on let's throw away our panties and start to wear thongs. let's be daring abit. we need to push ourselves in changing everything. i know we can do it. let's fuckin change.

okay here goes my list of who should take up what key appointments in the EXCO. this is again what i feel, so it is personal opinion. it is not personal attack. nor isit what i want you'll to suffer in. i've also added the reasons as to why i do what i did.

Chairman - me/eugene
reasons said.

Vice Chairman - hui wen
hm, she maybe new to scouting. but she is not new to thinking of ideas. she may have some fresh suggestions and ideas for us. that's what we need now. and i feel that having her as the vice would be the best thing.

Executive Secretary - Priscilla
having priscialla on board is a good thing. we have again a different perspective, thus a different range of ideas. she as the secretary would not only be entirely about minutes and all but she will also be in charge of alot other aspects in the committee and thus having shwon such importance, she will be respected as such.

Program, Events And Training Head- Eugene And Shing Chen
i know that eugene and shing chen has alot of experience in many events. and they might be able to actually come up with new and different events for us to be involved in and as in the coming year, we would be coming up with major events, they will be probably in good form as compared to many others to take up this post.

Chief Quarter Master - Andrina
i was actually thinking of having the way of quarter mastering to be revised and looked through and be standardised. however most of the senior ventures would probably be accustomed to the usual ways. thus i've decided to go through with having andrina as the CQM. this would help as she could be brought up on a better system and be able to work on it for a year or two an then pass on the system to the scout unit qm.

this is what i can think of. if i have missed out any roles please do let me know.

Culda

I Help It By Feeling Pathetically Sad Knowing That A Fat Bastard In A Red Coat Won't Be Humping My Rambutan Tree Anytime On This Festive Day.

2008-12-25T07:10:00.000-08:00

hm, yeah it's Christmas again and i'm feeling fucked as usual. no plans. nothing on my hands. and feel like eating durians. hm, read those three lines together...it freaking rhymes. but actually i don't eat durians, so yeah, screw me for saying that. why am i in a bad mood but in a very funny, satirical way? well, you nincompoop of the universe, be glad that i'm not freaking being myself and writing about some chick whom i kinda like but can't fuckin get. yeah, i'm always pissed during the festive season. why? cause com'on, nobody knows what occasion i celebrate. and it's not deepavali you screwhead. contrary to popular belief i don't celebrate that day. i celebrate vesakhi...nope not vesak...vesakhi. it's complicated i know. but hey you don't like it, go dig yourself with a colorful melting candy cane. we don't even get a freaking day off, not that i need it cause i know i can have a day off whenever i feel like it. but you know, i feel like having the option or knowing that i have the oppurtunity to goof around while other assholes are working their buttholes off.

Sea Camp
talking about buttholes, here i am, sweating my ass off and all of a sudden i smell instand noodles seasonings. nope, not the instant noodles. just the seasonings. weird huh? well, that's what i smell. hm, was kinda wondering, did i actually talk about sea camp? and all that other shit. sea camp was freaking fun. especially the bbq and the dragon boating thing. with the moley captain (i did not give him that name, someone else did) and the apparently cute whiny guy (i did not give him that name either, the same person who came up with the moley thing did). then there was two other guys, one who was super 'clumsy' just for our own rovers entertainment, and some guy who was slightly quiet but thought to be having bad attitude when actually he's okay. i have no comments though. i wouldn't want to. i wouldn't want to comment on those protein-shakers, 11-times-a-week-rowing, big shot acting bozos. yeah...but there's another reaason why the dragon boating and bbq was fun. shit, my food was stolen during the bbq. what the hell...all my chicken wings which i made so nicely. but at least i had my share. then i went to reflect over my life for a while on some boat thingy. hm...let me share with you some meaningless pictures for a while.

the beautiful scenery that could just be about the best way to reflect upon your life.......or you could do what i thought of...take your girl for canoeing (single canoes) in the late afternoon to see the sunset...then you guys just raft up together and then watch the sunset while her shoulder is on yours while you'll are enjoying a bottle of champagne.

this is like a good picture for 'O' Levels Picture Discussion.
Q:what is happening here?
A:a bbq wtih 3 girls at the back eating food of wooden satay sticks and there's also two girls struggling to put food over the fire while one guy is in the camera's view trying to make sense of it all.
Q:what's gonna happen next?
A:sticks go flying, fire get's burning, and a thousand scouts will appear from nowhere and start singing 'father abraham'.

here we have, our lovely food being nicely barbequed to a lovely and edible texture.

here we have our lovely food on fire, burning to a lovely burnt crisp and a cancerous texture.

Pioneering Day
well here's a kind picture album mosiac thingy shitty thing. enjoy.

my Stand Alone tripod catapult (the tri-pult!!!) which was tall and easy to build. too bad the loading was abit too hard. but hey it worked. when it was launched, it almost hit someone with the water bag and with the mess tin - and that someone was me.

the instructees cataput which was the main launcher used during the war. it didn't hit anyone however, only the people behind. but it was kinda close to some of the instructors who we were supposed to hit.

the instructors catapult. with a hammock tied together with it just to for them to relax in while we were finishing up our own catapults. it was actually one of our second plan, if the tri-pult didn't meet the instructors requirements or just didn't impress them. but we went with the above structure instead.

debrief by toh wee. or was it the start of the catapult war. hm, forget already.

our hard work at the end of the day. it did show us where we did not do so well in like communication and all that. but pioneering day was fun. but it would have been more fun if we could actually build a playground.

hm...recently been training running. running at school mostly cause all the amenities are there and can have free bathes...hm, i'm feeling superly singaporean. hey, if you guys wanna go running anywhere, let me know alright. i won't disappoint you.

hm, i'm gonna do another blog later. for my venture mates. i know it's all democracy and i don't wanna change your decisions about anything but i just wanna let you know what i feel will be right for the flow and i have my reasons for saying so.

alright, merry christmas and a happy new year to all those celebrating this over-rated festive occasions. new year resolutions anyone? i'm still thinking of mine. it's hard. cause i want to think of something that must take a whole year. not something that can be done in a day or two like making mama happy and all that shit. peace muthafloopers.

Culda

The Hardest Thing For Me Now Is To Actually Get Over The Fact That Even Though I Like You, I Know It Can't Be As You May Want Different Things.

2008-12-21T06:35:00.000-08:00

sometimes it's hard. to tell yourself that something you want can't really be yous as you know that the other person wants something different. it's hard not to think like this even. trying to make yuorself not do anything stupid. cause you know that if shit happens, it will just lead to alot of uncomfortable stuff. and that is not necessary. that's why, let's just tell ourselves that. then sometimes when you do get in a relationship, you always have to think of the other party. i mean, if you seriously know you're causing hurt to someone, wouldn't you wanna be the one to step up and end it all considering you are the one causing the pain. i would. hm, as long as you hurt yourself and not others right. as long the other person is not hurting because of you, then that's the way to go. hm, so that's why it's best for me to try to let the thought of being with that someone die. okay try to understand. i'm not being a hero. i'm not being emo. i'm not being a failure. i'm just weighing things out and seeing how it all flows. but right now, it seems to me that the best thing for me to do is to let my feelings for her slide. it's sounds very dramatic i know. but isn't life just like a drama with it's own bloopers of which we try to learn from. hm, sadly, she will never know. hm, but if you all of a sudden, just think a bit and for the sake just think that i may be referring to you, don't be so quick to just go pass that thought. cause it might be true. just think about it. think carefully...everything. maybe you'll see something.

the closer the year comes to a close, the more it makes me think that i should think of coming up with a few resolutions for myself. maybe i should tell her on jan 1? if she feels the same way (which is unlikely) then i'm gonna have a very nice year with a very nice girl by my side. if she gives me the 'er, i'm just a friend' look (which is highly likely), i'm gonna have a very bad and emotional and gloomy year ahead of me. or who know, i might not even live the whole year. i'm just kidding. i won't kill myself. i still got alot more to live for. no seriously, cause if i die, people will be more sad for themselves than for me due to my death. hm, i think shouldn't talk about death at this time.

right now, i just have alot of shit. i'm not gonna start challenging with others over who has more things to do. cause we'll be making ourselves so desperate over winning such a 'competition' that we'll make up shit as we continue to show whose life is more pathetic and miserable. and at the end of the day, it'll all be so childish. am i not right? and all of a sudden i'm having a deja vu. it feels so weird. hm, anyway, it's time for me to really think through it all. what i'm doing wrong? what i'm doing right? what i need to do more in. and why i'm here most of all.

it's hard for me to not feel what i feel. you cause hurt, you get hurt. i've heard of some stories. stories i shouldn't actually know. but i know. and while some of the stories don't make a difference to me, some stories make me think. learning from other people's story is good. it's way to understand how the other mind thinks. how the other mind gets through problems. that's why i'm starting to ask people about their history. it's the only way to understand how they will work and the whole other thing. because each story is different, there's so many stories we can learn from.

and learning about one's stories and sharing with that person might be the best way to actually like a person. cause through the stories (if told truthfully that is), you get to be more acquanted by the heart and you get to know how to feel and understand that person. and i hope it works in my case. but in the mean time, i've still gotta think about it like how i did when i started this.

Culda

P.S. there's this girl in track and field and when she runs, it'll make you go 'awwwwww' cause she's short and small built and her running is damn adorable. hahaha...if i'm not wrong, her name is amanda. haha...damn freaking adorable...it'll make you laugh after going 'awwwww'...

Sway With Me Darling, Sway WIth Me All Night. Tell Me How Much You Love Me While I Hold You Tight. Don't Ever Let Me Go, Or At Least Just For Tonight.

2008-12-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

the person i like? hm...i never really did say much about the person i liked. hm...let's just take a look first. i mentioned in my earlier post about hoping the person i liked would be happy. hm, instantly people might have thought that i liked some girl in the rovers. but hey, what's like? like differs if it's a different kind of like. there's admire like. there's sillily like. there's even like like. you can like someone from the opposite sex. you can also like someone of the same gender. sometimes to be liked means to just be accepted. to be appreciated for doing something. but i'm being totally vague here. hm, i'll just leave it as...i like no one...simple. my mind is too tired now to play mind games. but it means a different kind of like...i can assure you that. not the like you'll are assuming.

hm, well, passed my BTT (basic theory test). now booking for final theory test. gonna do it at bukit batok, nearer to sp. hm, can't wait to start learning to drive and can't wait to get a licence. a licence to kill with a four-wheeled vehicle...hahaha...hm, i'm not those kind of people. don't worry.

hm, been also wrecking my brains for activities for the training camp for the Rover Big Foot. it's actually kinda hard when you're working against and with your own creativity. you're like having a mental war. and you know at the end you're gonna start stoning. but the thing is is that i'm done. i mean for my proposal. if need to change any more, can just change. actually, while my brain is starting to relax, i'm actually starting to get more ideas. some fun, some sadistically fun. hm, i'm no sadist. i just happen to be involuntarily entertained when i see other people's misery and pain. but i think i'm not alone. all human beings like to feel sadistic. take for example america's home videos. we laugh at other people's misery. in 'the moment of truth', people watch to find out what goes on behind closed doors, what one families dirty laundry is, which girl wouldn't mind sleeping around to boost her career, which guy wears laides underwear and stuff like that. and another show where people would see people fight with another and enjoy it even more than wrestling shows is 'the jerry springer show'. oh and if you happen to feel entertain by that, here you go. a video for you to enjoy.

well, went training on thursday. man, i tired myself out. gotta work more and get a fit physique. man...alright...i'm gonna keep this one short. tomorrow got some survey work job. 10 bucks per hour. anyone else wanna go run with me, just let me know. people say why do i write so long entries most of the time. i reply with cause i don't have the time to shorten it.

Culda

It Is Not The Fall That Kills You. It's The Sudden Stop At The End Which Brings You Down To Your Knees And Make You Cry For Mercy.

2008-12-14T04:50:00.000-08:00

i have failed to understand why shit happens anymore. or rather, i kinda have given up. given up for now. it's tiring. i won't use my annual camp as an example. it's not fair. looking at it, i won't use anything as an example. it might be too direct. it might show the stupidity of some too easily and directly and may cause bitch-fits all over the island. and this may cause the entire world to shift due to an imbalance in the equilibrium of nature. sometimes it's hard to comprehend people's minds and their actions. you dunno what they wanna do. we are not mind readers. shouldn't we just say what we really feel about each other's actions and where they should improve on. we shouldn't really do it in a direct way that will affect the person in a way that the person receiving the comment will not know what to say or may make him reply offensively, sarcastically or just plain rudely. we are trying to make the person improve. we shouldn't just kill the person with blatant remarks. what do we get when we just tell a person that he sucks so much the floor is sparkling clean whereever he goes.

kinda makes you think as well. don't direct or straightforward people lead a boring and sad life. i could elaborate and go on...but will it make any difference. you're not out in the world to put smiles or joy in anybody's life. your purpose in life is to show and prove to other people in life what a freaking retard you are. woops? too...erm...straightforward?

hm, on other news. annual camp postponed. i'm kinda happy for a few reasons. well, can finally get a chalet. to some people, it's not that we chose to spend our nights in tents or whatever. we are kinda aiming for comfort for ourselves. it's kinda a pain in the ass, complaining about beds and shit. it is annoying after a while. freaking annoying. jokes be jokes...but...argh..that's how the way some people are. like i'm a guy who when he says stuff, he tries his very best not to shoot off his mouth. cause i know when i do, i have to try even harder to stop myself before hurting some people. but unlike some people, i don't like to tell them directly. being indirect is fun. cause you get to test your own creativity. and being indirect may also hit more than one person. anyway, back to annual camp, i hope that it doesn't go through any pitfall or trench again. i'm gonna just really race through everything and try to get everything done for this camp. so that it will put a smile on everybody's face when it's finally over. and even on the one i like.

we belive what we what we read sometimes. some people are too lazy sometimes or just over read some things. or they might just read it as it is. they don't bother to refer behind or refer forward into an article to see whether there is more to what has been said. though it may be easier said than done, what i write always tend to have some significance or continuation or link from a previous article or in a future article (but it only works if you remember what i said). hm. just something i thought i would just say.

well, my mind is in a bit of a fluster right now. i have the tendency to overthink and complicate and confuse myself. tomorrow i've got some surveying to do. and on thursday gonna go running. dental on friday in the morning and not too sure what to do later for the whole day. saturday got the work thing again. sunday is boring day. but dad's home so, probably some family thingy. i realise that some people have family days. and i don't. but i guess it's just like having a girlfriend. some are a bitch. some have a bitch. figure it out. it's very vague i know. but like i said, read it through. but it's just crap, not supposed to make much sense. it's just supposed to make you go...'hm, what the hell. maybe..yeah...true? funny...crap la you nav'...hm, crap is logic told in a humorous way. other than that, it's just old lame shit. and those are the kind of things that don't require much attention.

just when i though i'm falling to my death, i fall down on this cliff side. on my left is a cave. on my right, it's a step to another fall, maybe to my death, maybe not. i have no idea. this cave is calling out to me. it's appealing. it's offering me food. it has the sound of flowing water from inside. isit just being nice to me and when i do enter it, it will lead me to nowhere. or isit really a cave that will lead me to the other side of the mountain that has a new life waiting for me. this is what is going through my mind. girls. what can i say.

Culda

You Didn't Come Here To Make The Choice, You've Already Made It. You're Here To Try To Understand Why You Made It.

2008-12-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

time to understand what we're doing. we've all got to understand why we're making such choices. if there isn't a reason behind something, well, then maybe that thing isn't worth doing. but remember what is not worth doing, may not be the same as not doing it at all. it's hard to understand it at one go, but it slowly creeps up on us. in life, we don't always need to do the right thing. the right thing is so subjective. all we need to do before making subjective and objective oppositions and assumptions is to understand.

well, it was a boring week to start with. had my 10km run. i kinda felt proud. now all i need to do is to improve on it. make myself more powerful. don't think i actually need to drink so much during the run. that way i'll be faster. hm...running is good. but i think you kinda need to motivate yourself before you run. cause if you just run while having nothing at all in mind, it seems like you'll not do that well unless you've got that anticipation or adrenalin rush. if you've got that rush, you feel like you can run better and longer and faster. just my thoughts.

hm, thinking, should i join the sp track and field team next year...just for fun you know...i'm still gonna be active in rovers...but i mean...yeah..track and field...i don't mind just trying out for it...hm, who knows what can happen...

sp dj has something going on next year first sem!!! who wants to go?? okay, it's not cause i'm trying to be a dick and try to advertise for the SP DJ, it's just that i'm too tired to actually going to all those clubs...might as well go for some clubbing thing that goes on throughout school. but hey, there won't be any booze...not that they know of...what am i talking about...i dunno

Hm...rovers!!! well, it seems reasonable. training dept in the Rover Big Foot (RBF) committee...currently gotta think of training ideas for the coming camp for the RBF participants. then annual camp is coming along fine. i just need the finance thing. to me, once i get the finance thing done, all the worries are gone for the planning part. cause then we all need to worry about the executing part, whihc for this camp, kinda is like the most important part...cause planning basically is just how you want to make it fun. but cause we are making it in a fun, unique, kinda sick way, the planning is kinda tiring as well....but hey, jsut need the finance thing...the finance thing...argh...i'm cool...then there's for the aaron's event (apparently that's the name of the event) for which i'm the secretary. but i haven't been going for it. hm, secretary, i don't think anyone knows i hate being secretary, but looking at me, i don't look like a secretary. i look like the guy who's banging the secretary...just a joke. just a joke. com'on liven up...

hm, i haven't been at the movies in a long time. i'm like quarantined in my home, watching movies on my macbook, like batman, hostel 1 & 2, v for vendetta (superb movie by the way), and others like that. got comedies like dave chapelle and russell peters and chris rock...but i need to get out there you know. and talking about quarantine, i was like planning to watch quarantine a long time ago but never found the time. hm, am planning to watch twilight, but you know planning to watch it with someone. it's been months, i need to be in that scene again. it kinda gets boring. being single rocks...but hey, single people are people who love to mingle (and not forgetting fondle... just kidding just kidding, i'm not that kinda guy...not always)...hm, i jsut gotta take it slow with this one...hm, it's like trying to get close to a dove...you can't make it any sudden moves, cause you'll just scare it away...anyway, yeah, prob gonna just take it slow with her. but she's kinda scary...not scary scary...but as in friendly scary and all that...i dunno...maybe i'm just freaking paranoid. or maybe i'm jsut a flirt??? as to what she says...i dunno what i'm talking about right now...

hm, maybe i should look though my life...see what are the choices i'm making...am i doing too much. i know i can handle much, but my life can't...as to what my manager said, 'maybe you should givee up this job, maybe you're having too much right now'...is she right? i am starting to think about it, and the more i think about it, it seems quite true. i mean...should i give up on some stuff? should i give up on somethings that's eating me up slowly? or should i give up on something that's eating me up slowly? for those reading and seeing whether i'm being dumb or whatever cause i wrote the same damn sentence twice...i beg to differ...read the sentences again...there is a difference...and for those who understand it, please i'm just thinking about it...i'm ready to make the choice...just whether i'm able to understand whether it's the right choice or just a good choice.

Culda

P.S. check out youtube.com for my stupid videos...it's stupid and retarded but hey, it's out of boredom and this is what boredom does. it will start killing the child in you, and if you let it, your life will die...so watch it now motherfreaker...

We're oft to blame, and this is too much proved, that with devotion's visage and pious action we do sugar on the devil himself.

2008-12-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

To whom it may concern, apologies if it hurts, but the true of intention of it is to make aware the reasons as to why one should be displeased...

i have quit from tcc. some ask, finally? others ask, why so? why again? well, i joined back in tcc, i knew i could stay for another year or so. but unfortunately, UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES arose and that cause misunderstandings, or which could be easily avoided but was instead pursued. then even though i agree that some of the things were my fault, it does take two hands to clap. hm, try to understand where this is coming from.

let me elaborate. first of all, i am not trying to single out anyone. but judging from what i'm describing, you guys prob now what i'm talking about. are you gonna put anything in my records? that i'm a sore loser? i'm just voicing out, for what is right. alright, let me begin.

let me first ask, how painful isit to work in a place where work culture is so unbelivably terrible. some people may say that they find working there fun, some may say othewise. it depends how you get treated. i've been subjected to the many cold shoulders my entire working life and there's seriously a limit to how much one can take. how painful isit to work in a place where people contradict their own actions? it's painful...and tiring.

you may say it's nonsense, but i mean, (i'm trying to keep it short here) it's also painful when people try to 'promise' you something. but then again, have to hand it to them, how they have the ability to convince you that they might actually get you increment? how they actually have the ability to convince you that everything will be alright if you jsut be more subtle? if you be more 'matured'? you did a good job. you had me convinced. so convinced i actually decided to change for the better. but when i realise that it was just a talk, when i realise that it was just a piece of deception, i showed my worst. rebellion? nope...i prefer it to be known as reacting reasonably to oppression. and what did it lead to in the end? noone won. but i knew that even if i were to do my all for you had talked to me about, i knew that it would still never happen. favouritism? no, i'm not saying anything. i'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you know better than myself to know that i deserve what you talked about. i always knew somethings were too good to be true. you were. you and your whole bag of deceptions. it's amazing how you can still act pissed, with the fact that you probably know what's going on around. you jsut happen to show that you deserve to be respected. but isn't respect earned not given?

then there's also the one, who would jsut criminalise you for just asking anything...knowing that the answer can be given immediately. but sadly, the answer has to go tour round the eyeballs and brain cells and then has to be disguised slowly and the question, not the answer mind you, will be asked to someone who doesn't really need to know of it. this creates one unnecessary clusterfuck. and another thing, if someone were to be sincerely discussing about a problem, why is it that the problem needs to be disected and then thrown back to you in a disgusted way which in turns destroys the whole working flow process and then spoils the mood and causes the whole atmostphere to be awkward for no good reason. or maybe you just have problems? personal problems? you like to react to things in a defensive way? hm, "i only care for my customers. i don't care about my staff." ever heard of internal customers?

i know i may not be the best, i know i have my problems. sure i goof off? ever found out why? there should come a point when we're discussing about what we should do, we should also take some time off to discuss the why? we're talking about what someone should do because of his/her actions. have you ever asked why? though why may not solve the given problem, it helps to understand people and where they come from. once we understand this, we may actually start to prevent some problems from happening...it does work , just to let you know.

hm, i never wanted to leave. i wanted to be in tcc for another year. with what some poeple 'promised' me. but though that couldn't be settled for. i thought maybe i could go somewhere else? but i couldn't. how painful do you think isit to be asked to work in a place you don't wana work due to the fact that you know it is quite hard to work there due to the timings and scheduling? but even when you explain this, the things that they say imply that you shouldn't leave...but i mean, if it's causing alot of problems, why continue working there?

it's seriously a head-scratcher. i don't understand why sometimes. was i not promising? it's just that somethings really cause me to act and react otherwise. i've had it. it's tough. i am not a mind reader. nor am i a miracle worker. am i not entitled to a few mistakes? there is just so much to say...but how do you want me to say it all here. i just need to get part of it out right here. if i feel the need, i'll post more. but just to let you know, i was interested in working again. but now, my mood for it is spoilt. oh, and this is the main reason why i'm quitting. thanks alot. thanks for the memories...both good and bad...

Culda

P.S. more to come? it depends if i can actually get all my thoughts down to paper...i'm sorry, but though some is my fault...some is yours

And Thus I Clothed My Naked Villiany, With Old Odd Ends Stolen Forth From Holy Writ And Seem A Saint When Most I Play The Devil.

2008-12-04T05:22:00.000-08:00

looking back now, i sometimes tend to see myself as a person lost in this world, unknowing of the other troubles around me, just caught in the greed of hurting others for my own self-glory. people may think, you be the angel, this judged upon the thoughtful things you may say and act onto others. this then contradicts sometimes doing what stabs the ones that praise and leads them to think of you as the one who oppresses the ones who carry the burden and eventually will lead to the downfall of your once gained popularity.

hm, deep you may say? hm, here's a thought. it's amazing how some, if not most, people tend to believe something that they do not understand but the moment they actually happen to have the gist of knowledge about something, they are quick to question everything about it.

it's also amazing that how you can manage to confuse and convince when you string words of intellectuality together to which may not make any sense at all but due to the profound content, people will fall prey to these.

anyway, what's been up with me, nav? well, i quit tcc. i have decided to finally change my course. and oh, in case anyone doesn't know, i kinda created a hoo-haa in the SPRSU. and i just downloaded tammy nyp. hm, it's an old clip, but hey, even if she's not hot or if it's an outdated video, any video with a real girl agreeing to have sex with a guy and have it recorded...how often do you actually hear that. hm, well, i'm no porn freak or what but i mean, i'm a human being after all. after all, watching porn is good. i mean, i wouldn't wanna be shocked the first time when seeing a girl naked. i need to know how ladies look like naked. i mean, just imagine a guy, he then haves sexual activites with his wife and he's been a good boy, waiting for this night. he has never touched any pornographic or erotic materials before in his alive and the only sight of a woman's breast he has had is of his mom about 31 years ago when he was a small little baby and had only the intention of filling his eye-balled size stomach with 100% breast milk. he undresses, and so does his wife but just when he catches the sight of his tall and lanky and well propotioned wife, all nude in her glory, he 'lets it out' if you know what i mean. he lets the 'venom out of his purple headed snake' if you know what i mean. jsut imagine the trauma he will have. he's gonna be regretting this. just when he thought he was gonna show the world that he was gonna make the best transition from a virgin to sexlord, he explodes before getting it on. or rather in, if you know what i mean.

okay, yeah. hm, oh yeah, question, anybody knows when to use implode and when to use explode? please let me know. i need to know. important. oh yeah, i've got new movies. hostel, damn good movie. just like botak jones, damn good food. then i've got the saw franchise. batman, dracula (1992). many more. if you need any, jsut ask.

oh did i mention i'm gonna flunk my msts? no, oh well, did you know that i'm gonna flunk the msts! well, now you know. hm, anyone wants to think of crappy things and activites to do in school (Singapore Polytechnic), please let me know. 97473625. hm, i've just possibly opened the possibility of allowing the whole world to prank call and spam call me. what the heck, i need excitement in my life. i'm on a whole course of changing my life. who cares i get into trouble for getting it. who cares i'm not looking at eye balls, but instead looking at the engineering aspects f everything in the world. who cares i might not be donning the black t-shirt of which may excite some? greed is attacking all of us, slowly but terribly, and the only thing we can about it is to take advantage of it.

Culda

It's Time I Thought About What Am I Turning Into And Where Am I Going In Life?

2008-11-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

back from Camp at pulau ubin. survival camp...really wonderful. but i just realise that this weekend i lost alot of stuff. my survival kit, my jack knife and someone rather special to me.

ROVER'S SURVIVAL CAMP
basically what it is is you're in pulau ubin and you are required to go through the whole camp while completing a series of activites and stuff like that. the activities are first aid, survival killing, evacuation skills, cycling practical, rescuing bags from drifting off to uncharted islands. we also ran alot. had to tolerate the pain from the abrasions that was painfully rubbing within my inner thighs and stuff like that. slept in hammocks (a proper one) and i was covered by a groundsheet so i was shielded from most mosquito bites. hm..but it didn't do much cause i still have freaking red spots on my arm...hm...and the red dots are the mosquitoes bites, not anything like aids or anything like that...just to let you know...hm, well, the whole camp was kinda great...finally we experience having our bags thrown into the water. it was great...i dunno why, but i was smiling to myself and i heard my mind go "yes" when my bag was the first to be thrown in the water...then when we had to get it, i saw my bag drifting away...and i was like...'erm, it's fine if you wanna drift but could you drift towards me?'...but anyway it was good fun actually holding our sea drenched bags our heads while getting our p***c regions drowned. that was basically the last part that we had to overcome. basically the whole camp was great. wasted it rained quite abit during the first day of the camp. if not we would have learnt more and have more fun. lost my survival kit as well. i had hooked it onto my shorts, and then i think it drifted off to some other pulau when we were in the water. damn, there goes 40 over bucks, including my modified lighter which could burn your nose off in a single flick...yeah baby...

Culda

Rovers Topography Camp - The Search For Spoons Begin

2008-11-06T07:07:00.000-08:00

Topography Begins - Let The Arrow Guide You In All That You Do But Also Never Forget Your Confidence And Faith To Which Will Help You Before You Fall

relaxing in our circular dome of mundane entertainment

take the shoes off, take the socks off, and let the others be aware that odour not only resides in the armpits but also at the bottom of the soles of your aching feet.

my bag of mysteries - why mysteries, there's so many compartments that you will get tired of actually searching it through...and it looks nice also, doesn't it???

Culda (The Visionary Pleasing Department)

Chastine's Partial Freedom - Her 18th Birthday, Her Coming Of Age Only To Drink And To Club At Certain Places And Other Stuff Like That.

2008-11-06T06:03:00.000-08:00

Welcome ladies and gentleman...

The beautiful chocolate cake from bakerzin which was torutered and gang-banged in a few moments time after that.

The Birthday Girl - stunned? shocked? oh no, she's making a wish...like karin would say 'i WONDER!!! what chastin wished for?'

the cake that got mercilessly massacred into bite-size portions for own eating and face painting purposes...

...and this was the weapon of choice.

Group Photo - Edwin (looks like he time traveled, cool effect), Weng loke (mr cool in white polo), Ke Jie (mr cool in blue polo), Me (behind, grabbing chastine's head and boxing her head), ansel (next to me, tip-toeing?? haha, bad place to stand i think), Wei Xiang (next to ansel, hm, he looks lost and scared), Chastine (being grabbed by her head and boxed by me), Hui Min(acting innocent), Ming Jun (behind, usual freaky smile), Melissa (no comments)...

awwwwww.....classic pose...(look at the thought bubbles...even more classic...amazing how their arm and hand postures tend to be similar?)

something is happening here...between the two girls...and the other seems happy about it...hmm, interesting

power ranger formation? or the new backstreet boys dance choreography?

actually, supposedly, the guys were supposed to be cool, but the shutter went off earler and the only person to be caught in the 'right' pose was ming jun...a**hole

BIRTHDAY BASH!!! THE EXTREME VERSION!!!

Culda (The Visionary Pleasing Department)

Patience Is Running Thin - I Have Always Dreaded This. Being Stuck At This Forked Road, And Wondering Where Do I Go? Left Or Right?

2008-11-02T04:41:00.000-08:00

Rovers
alright, yesterday we started our topo camp and just ended it today. it was kinda fun, lasting for like more than a day basically what it is is to walk while looking at the map and the compass. now you must be thinking, why can't we just use GPS (global positioning service/system for you foos-heads out there who don't know)? well, there's a difference between having the important navigation skills and relying. when you rely on technology, and when technology fails, you're dead. and then you'll be lost. and you'll slowly find yourself surrounded by wild boars hunting your poor sad ass down.

we were doing 'rural' topography for this camp. 'urban' topo some other day, or so we were told. it was pretty fun, abit tiring after awhile. but fun no doubt. then we had night topography as well, which was held at a cemetary. interesting. it was pretty cool. having the night walk. overall a very good day.

then next morning pt. then march for like a few kilometers to the jelutong tower. i would have enjoyed the walk even more if it was done the scout way. observe the surrounding nature of how it is in the early morning. breathe in the fresh air. count the tortoises in the lake. taste the dew on the leaves. hear the birds chirping the freakishly small lungs away. stuff like that. after the march, had breakfast, then had a test. god damn, for one section of my test, i accidentely thought the bearing to be of 40 degrees less than the actual. there goes my marks. hm, then after test, our group had to head west all the way til we reached the first sign of civilisation. then again walked to king albert park and had debrief.

debrief was special. cause after that we celebrated the birthday of sharon. but before that, as i said about the debrief, we had a nice time replying with 'very good' for every question. but to my lost list of complains and to which i could not really come up with a constructive explanation, i was asked to feedback on wednesday. let's hope all is forgotten so that i can save the time. but i mean, it is still required to be said. it is needed to be voiced out, my thoughts. hm, sometimes it's hard to understand we are in a scout unit (rovers after all are still scouts - once a scout, always a scout) but we tend to have a different view of it at times. it's kinda confusing and all that. you get what i'm trying to say? it's not that anyone's wrong in their perception of scouting. it's just different. i guess we have to learn the adapt to it. well, all i can say is i'm wokring on it.

WORK
it's all going wrong. everything is not how it's supposed to be. i'm so pissed and sometimes i wonder who's to blame. and i sometimes wonder as well who should be the one who should be realy pissed. but i'm human. so give me the right to be pissed for now at least. i mean, jokes can't be accepted. and when i'm not joking, people will be asking me why the hell am i so emo? and when i reply them in a satirical way, i'm immediately said to be having the bad attitude. and if i have the bad attitude, it will rub off to other people. and other peole will treat me in a harsh manner as in to provoke me more, and that will cause dire conscequences on everyone, including the customers. see how it links? i'm not saying this as a threat. nor am i saying this because of anything personal. i'm saying this, because it is true. don't you see it. it's hard to live life in an enviroment where being told about something that's so different from what they tell you the next day.

i've had it. my anger is building up. i'm getting pissed. i'd better stop here. if not i'll be dragging on and on about something that will become a clusterfuck.

Culda

P.S. pictures to be updated very soon. my next post. i'm starting to take pics...cause i've got nothing better else to do.

I'm Back Finally...To The One Of The Few Places Where It's Okay To Talk To Oneself Without Being Weirdly Glanced At.

2008-10-28T07:40:00.000-07:00

well, what's been up lately..? why haven't i been blogging much...

well my dear friends...it happens sometimes where some people all of a sudden don't have the urge to blog. i actually did have the sudden urge to blog again, but when i started writing, i would stop halfway...then i would start thinking...is it really worth blogging...hm...i have a very short attention span...to which i will use as a reason/excuse as to why sometimes i don't really pay much attention and some stuff like that...

SCHOOL SHIT
alright, i've been up with sp, studying (well not much), rovers and work. well, i'm intending to change course so i kinda don't give a shit about what's happening. the director who happens to look like a cross between mao zedong and mickey mouse blabbed about me just taking it all in. what the heck you think i'm doing, you doon (director + goon = doon!)...then i'm only caring about group stuff and those SP modules...so i don't really need to go thru it all over again when i start my year 1 as a new student in sp...well, technically not new...but who' counting. then i'm also kinda gonna get rid with gems...finish it up as soon as possible. let me tell you about my gems. there's this girl in my gem (general elective module) class that's like so retarded, and i'm judging that from what experience...she's not enthusiasitc...she's freakily retarded...and i'm bored by her lame reactions and attention-seeking...hm, i'm normally like the guy who likes to inject a little humor, cause it doesn't hurt....but dear god, i'm like lying on the table with my hands on my head and counting down the minutes down to the end of the class. then there's this trio sitting behind always trying to make the room colder by their sense of humor. that's why i everytime i'm out of class, i'm rubbing my nose due to no my nose being numb from the coldness and low blood circulation...it's sometimes abit a good temperaature for hibernation.

ROVERS
then rovers is also going on. chairman for the annual camp. it's going on fine. it would be eve more better if there's a freaking roof over our heads for the camp...why do i say that? cause there's no freaking chalet/resort available during that period of time where we're having our camp. but i'm still optimistic. and talking about optimistic, RIC (rover instructorship course) is happening. it sounds really fun the way it is put. actually i really am seriously quite eager to actually get on to it. there's one problem though...and i won't say it...

hm, well, what can i say. sometimes in life, there are people we like and people we hate. hm...then i dunno why...but i just feel abit tired...or maybe it's because i sometimes have the urge to just hate someone or make some people hate me. i dunno why...but it just so happens this way...and the thing is...i sometimes tend to have a short temper...so i have a feeling that i might just let off certain feelings on to another person...it happens to everyone...we can't help it...i just hope that it will not affect much...and i mean, it'll be quite weird for me to do it...considering that i'm new and stuff...and i kinda am not at thatm level to actually be legal to do so...yeah...but i'm a homosapien...so i can't help it..

WORK
okay, work. hm, how would you feel when someone actually gives you false hope and 'promises'? what's the use of actually going through everything when you know that you're gonna be still treated as a kid? i mean, whether you do a good job or a bad job, you're still treated the same? it's kinda hurting to be actually trying to do good job when you finally realise it was just for nothing? sometimes it's kinda hard entering with a smiley face and over-enthusiasitc mood when deep inside the first thing that you feel like doing is throwing the glass bowl containing the packets of mint or throwing the schedule clipboard in someone's face. well, if people are not comfortable working with other people, then there's problem. and if there's problem, there'll be unhappy supervisors. and when there's unhappy supervisors, there's unhappy staff. and when there's unhappy staff, there'll be unhappy customers. see the chain reaction? what are we all heading for? truthfully, there are wonderful people there. but life ain't so easy on us. we have to learn how to fuck other not-so-wonderful people.

Culda

Sometimes It's Hard To Help Feeling Pissed, Upset, Happy And Mad In A Place That Leaves You Feeling Pissed, Upset, Happy And Mad.

2008-09-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

sometimes it's hard for me to say the truth...which hurts. some of us try to hide the truth and live with each other with relationships of friendships based on lies. some of us try to sugar up the truth so that it doesn't hurt so much as it is supposed to. others jsut say it, either mainly due to their hatred of someone or in a fit of anger. after a fight, we always say to each other that we didn't mean to say what we had said, but isn't what we say to each other in a fight always the truth of what we really think about each other. truth hurts. so do we have to hide the truth, to make everyone happy? noone will be ever happy, be it either we tell the truth or not.

they somethings should better be left unsaid. but then again, sometimes it's best we say what we want to say. instead of keeping it in us, and always seeming that we are not keeping something that could either make or break relationships, friendships or an establishment.

well, work is great. why? cause you get pay for your hardwork. for standing for 8 hours plus plus. then you also get to hang out with different people. people who can make you laugh, make you think and also maybe feel where some people like to go wrong in. everyone's good in their own way i hope. but however noone's perfect. even if they try, the more it will appear that they are just obsessive not perfect.

it's painful to mention names. not for me...but for the people mentioned. they might get the hint. they might not. but here goes. all establishments run by power. power corrupts, absolute powers, corrupts absolutely. remember that. but sometimes we tend to let personal greed take over. it does not happen only in buisnesses but even in clubs and societies, where personal greed will take over for popularity. but anyway, this is how it is.

over here, we've got different people each with their own problems. we've got someone who likes things to just run nicely and to make everything to appear nicely but may change his/her mind just like that. we've got someone who makes you do three things at once while complaining about one thing you've didn't do and nagging you to do another thing immediately while you are attening to customers or doing an order or whatever. there's someone who is always keen to changing things to that someone's preference and just letting people know about it and also making sure everything is done by the book, when sometimes follwing the book is not the only way to good work. we've got someone who makes everyone seem a criminal when someone else hasn't done a job right. we've got someone who has the abilty to make you pissed and make you go 'huh' in three seconds and that someone has the ability to make you feel stupid upon asking any question. we've got someone who doesn't belive in own spaces. we've got someone who not gets hectic but makes others around that person blur as well. we've got someone who belives in having his/her own fun while stopping others from having any sense of enjoyment anytime he/she does not like it. we've got someone who thinks he/she rules with his/her 'long-running' serivce. and we've got someone trying to get it all together.

how do we live in scoiety when we have to cope with all this different expectaions. how do we switch. how do we survive? "i will survive"?..i hope i do.

Culda

Life's And It's Other Issues Seem To Complicate Even The Brightest Of Minds.

2008-09-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

PERSONAL REFLECTION
it always has to come to this. one way or another, if not now, sometime later, you really have to stop for a while and think where you are and where your next pit-stop in life is. is what you are doing right? is everything going the way it should be? have you ignored your life by going after something that you are just succumbed to? heck, well, we don't really have much of a choice, since we are in an age that we are required to take all advantages to go all the way to the top to get the best living status. we are all money-driven right now. what happened to the good old times when we were all happy and stuff.

everyone, even the most jovial, happy-go-lucky and carefree type of people will someday just sit down in dark corner of a room and think through and reflect upon their life's events. be it whether about studies, love, family, friends or fetishes, it'll be thought through...that's part of life.

sure not everyone will admit to all that they are going through this mid-mid-life-crisis. yes...mid-mid-life-crisis. or also known as a mental menstruation, but i don't know who knows it as that. anyway, the thing is, the point of going through this jsut kinda makes us feel something about where our life is going. we can either feel sad about it or happy about it. if we feel sad, then we'll figure out how to do whatever needs to be done.

nowadays alot of people seem to be pondering over their love affairs, issues and crushes. some people think of getting back while some see getting back useless. some people think of cheating while others just call it as experimenting and getting back-ups. some people enjoy singlehood while others say they enjoy the accompaniment of someone smooching their neck. everyone has his/her own perception/view/thinking. who are we to stop them.

hm, some girls i know say they are not willing to commit to a relationship. one cause they say they've been hurt before. another reason is that they have commintment issues, meaning they might neglect having a relationship. another reason is that they said their love already belongs to an ex-boyfriend. or in some cases, girlfriend. sometimes, we just have to forget the fact that we are busy or what. everyone falls in love. whether madly or truly madly deeply. however they try their best not to go all the way. sometimes it's also due to fear that they prevent themselves from being close to someone...afraid they might be rejected or they might cause emotional burden or emotional hurt on the other party. sometimes, it kinda hurts. cause i mean there's this saying that 'men are not to be trsuted' or something like that. but just like when a guy goes gay, the girls would say 'no, that means we girls have failed'. that line was provided by someone. then isn't it the same thing, that we guys have failed. i mean, my men have tried, and tried and we always make it all gooooooooood...then all of a sudden there's this bunch of girls who make us feel that we really did fail...well...

well, thaat's life...part of it...sleepy...i'll update some other time

Culda

P.S. til we meet again

I Expected It Out From You But Just Not So Soon So Now All I Can Do Is To Push Forward All My Plans And Just Give What's COming To You.

2008-09-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

'welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 2008 southwest area campfire'...who was i saying that too? NOONE! everyone was like having a family reunion upstairs at the foodcourt 5 foyer. hm, then i was like testing out the mic for a while before actually making contact with human beings instead of my imaginary friends. anyway, that seems to be the norm for me according to what some people might say. alright, more stuff actually happened.

RED FOX INVESTITURE - LET NOT THE UNIFORM DEFINE YOU BUT INSTEAD LET YOURSELF DEFINE YOUR UNIFORM
it began just like any other day. but today was what should have been a very memorable life in the young boys lives. the investiture began after afew friendly tekan sessions from asl while i snapped some pictures...pictures not here yet...damn...took pics of the scouts doing stuff, of the ventures slacking and of my ass and even a water cooler. i would've have been more shutter-happy if i had used a SLR camera. anyway, back to the topic.

i was the flag-bearer...meaning i was the one who was carrying the flag for the scouts to promise themselves onto. the flag was heavier than i thought. anyway, after the scouts got investitured, the ventures got investitured. the new ventures that is. then after that the was the rank presentation where we congratulated those of the new PLC by whacking their sleeves...it's a scout thing. anyway, after that we scooted off to the workshop to have a scout history talk. seriously rather interesting. at least for me. follwing that event, the scouts were invited to play LAN...niiiiice...but it was off to SP for southwest campfire.

CAMPFIRE - SHITS-O-MANIA
ate kfc...unhealthy but well you know, it's better than nothing. but kfc is better than mcdonalds and long john's and stuff like that. but i prefer popeye's chicken to kfc....anyway, back to the topic. helped with the firewood area by hijacking a dustbin and putting the zinc plates in it to transport it from newtown to sp. after that played some music on the sound system. chopped wood, slacked, then met the service scouts to 'attend' to them. briefed them on what to do...talked with them and stuff like that...all boring stuff.

anyway, the moment i saw the entire campfire layout from a full view, i could see that it sucked. the gateway wasn't impressive...the backdrop was so budget, the campire cirlce looked more like something you would see at a wayang. the stage was so small that you had to have very active eyeballs to prevent yourself from not seeing the edge of the stage to prevent you from falling over.

it started to rain after a while...then sun...then rain, then shine...so we prettly much decided on the dry weather as the most probable...but 10 mins before we were told that it would be dry plan no matter what...everyone was like 'what the f***!' then it pretty much went down hill from there. the programme got held up for 30 mins plus plus...crapped my way for the pre-show...

the emcee-ing was okay la...one mic was soft so could not be heard...i was mostly using the wireless so i was walking around. but it was mostly us emcees against the restrictions. like we couldn't have songs with wrong implications. when i was working the crowd, i was told not to. then halfway i lost my programme list so for two minutes we were lost but luckily we switched off to the game. so we managed to actually skip la...overall it was okay...but still the campfire was crap...or rather it was fucked...

then at the end, this smart dude came on over and tried to be funny with the rovers. first he came up and started bullshitting with us while interupting us in our post-campfire discussion over the microphones. then he started coming with this small issue which he was trying to make us cry over. the thing is...you've really got to admit this kid had courage to come all the way up to us and try to make us remourse over something so small...kid had his uniform on...then this kid went on to push on the issue by flicking someone's rover flash...son of a *****...but still i just wanted to guy to finish what he wanted to say...i mean...he disrespected his uniform by disrespecting us, why should we disrespect ourselves by doing the same? ass, really spoilt my whole day...and he didn't even congratulate us on what a wonderful job we (rovers) did. noone did. anyway, rovers did good...everyone did good. just that some people did it 'too good'...catch my drift?

Culda

It's Time To Shoot The Stars Down.

2008-08-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

hm, i can't think of long complicated tittles anymore. kinda still in the hangover phase of sickness. my voice is like totally screwed. it's like i can't speak, sing and yell and yawn. so...yeah...it sucks. then there's also the constant recurring headaches which just come and go. and yesterday at work i was kinda woozy. dizzy. alright, here i go again. rummaging through my memory cavity to proof to you what kind of life i have.

WORK
It has begun. yep, did bar for like two hours. even before i started, i realised how rusty i am already. i forgot the durations for each condiment expiration date. hm, then half an hour in when started doing bar stuff, i realised that i need like to get my chi back. or is it qi...hm dunno anymore. then did floor. was kinda fun. kinda. but the new food was kinda great. well, cause i tried three dishes. nachos, mexican pizza and the new tiramisu. well, tiramisu was the best. hm, but if any of you guys wanna go tcc, you better ask me what food is worth eating there. the food is nice esp some of the new pasta. hm, mostly talked throughtout the day. was kinda boring cause not much people frequenting.

THOSE GIRLS
there was this girl, who was sitting at the end...and she was you know..the kind of girl who looked like those stable girls...yep, she had the horse caretaker looks...i'm kidding. i mean she looked like a keeper. friendly, nice smile...but yours truly was so caught up being an idiot by just saying 'enjoy your week ahead'...what the hell...damn, i should have said what was in my mind...'hi, could you please fill up this feedback form, cause that's the only cheesy and lame way of me asking getting your name and contact from you?'...lame yes i know...which is why i said it is a lame way...you've gotta read properly...good

then there was another two more girls. there were kinda like drunk and one of them had an oversized head and the other was dressed for the market. she had nice hair though, the one for the market. well, the market girl went to the toliet...then after that the big-headed girl told me that they were not gonna eat there. then i was like 'why not, do i smell that bad'?...anyway, she took her stuff and her friends stuff and went out. all of a sudden, market girl came in but she wasn't in her market clothes. she was dressed in a stunning black tube top that is like a dress that went all the way to 10 cms down her hips. and her dress had glittery stuff. and seeing her just made my heart slow down. i was just staring at her in awe. holy crap, she was stop-eating hot. she was great. oh man, but she was like those frivoulous, ditzy, drunk, sorority, bimbotic ladies. who were, to my own conclusion, were going to go clubbing.

CAMPFIRE IS HERE, BUT NOT VOICE, SHIT!!!
"hey guys welcome to the south-west campfire, uh hum..sorry for the cough...as i was saying uh hum uh hum hu hum..."...it's gonna be like that. yes i think so if my throat doesn't clear up. and just imagine coughing into a mic, that's not the most pleasant sound to be heard on an occasion such as this. hm, anyway, this campfire is like what only 2 hours...so it's mostly singing, no dancing (was thinking of putting up a micheal jackson impersonation of which is not considered satisfactory according to the media). then i've got to like compile my scout info for the lighting of the campfire thing. it's gonna be something new i guess. but whether it's really something the people will like is another thing. sometimes it's not how we can learn to change the way we light it. it's how we can use the simple ways but a different process. anyway, my voice, oh no. my most important thing.

SP ROVERS/RED FOX VENTURES
whatever it be, i'm still a scout. and it's good cause what you learn in one, you can try to apply it in the other. but some things never change. hm, this sat, i'll be donning two different uniforms. one of a land venture uniform and a sea rover uniform. one for investiture and one for campfire. to think that next year, i'll be rather active in both. hm, cool. but of course, priorities have to play a part in this too. yeap...yeah...woo...

FAMOUS LAST WORDS
it has come to this. we never mean to fall apart. we are human beings after all. be it we scream at each other, ignore each other, bad mouth each other, and just basically sometimes can't even bear to look at each other in the eyes. it's hard to think that we were seperated for not a very good reasons. but i mean, the less good a reason, the more bitter we get. at least from a good reason, we are able to learn from it. but too bad, we can't build ourselves up anymore. even if there be any chance, i would try to stay away from it, judging from what has become of us, it's just too difficult...

Culda

The Olympic Spirit Lies In All Of Us - And We Have Mostly Starhub To Thank.

2008-08-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

it has official ended. the olympics. the fire that used to burn at the top of the bird nest in beijing has been passed on to london. alright, let's talk about it...like i'm some kind of sports/travel/humor/news/crap reporter who has nothing better else to do.

BEIJING - JING BY THE BAY

that did not make sense. but it's like cause 'bei' is pronounced like 'bay' so...please laugh to make this a not-awkward situation. alright beijing has hosted the best olympics. period. seriously. look at it. the amount of cash they spent on it. and the security and all that. but it looks like the athletes are either not having much sex as they used to or they are doing it but not safely. did you know that the host country provides the athletes free easy-to-get condoms. they had like provided 130,000 condoms this year. that's a whole load of nightly activities going on in the olympic village. hm, but on a bright side, the olympics was really great this year.

OLYMPIC HEROES

alright, there were many olympic heroes. but i'll just talk about some of them only who i want to talk about.

Yelena Isinbayeva

it'll take you four months to pronounce her name, and another two to spell it without having any references from the net. she's simply one of the hottest athlete's around. her sexy abs, her russian eyes, her thin lips, her long slender legs and that great hair. she's by far the best female pole vaulter, breaking the record 23 times throughout her entire career. and she's only 26 years old. another olympics for her? she won the gold this time round (no surprise). though i'm not too sure whether she can break her record again, she might win the gold again. i hope so. the way she flirts with the crowd and all that when she wins. you go russian lady.

Lori 'Lolo' Jones

you have got to feel something for this 26 year old lady here. lolo who was the favorite to win the 100m hurdles, did not make it sadly. why? she clipped the second last hurdle on the way to the finish in the finals. that caused her to drop from 1st with a 1 second gap to a disappointing 7th. hearts really went out to her. well, at least i know mine did. hm, i always saw her with specs, but without shades, she looks better. all the best for next olympics. you're still the best. and you're sexy if you don't mind me saying. gorgeous lanky fit sports woman jumping about at a fast speed. com'on which part of that doesn't sound hot?

Susanna 'Sanna' Kallur

another favorite who didn't make it. this beautiful swedish clipped the first hurdle on the semi-finals and the look on her face could break even the coldest of hearts into tears. that was so unexpected. she's probably the most adorable looking sportswoman i've ever seen. you know she has a twin sister? yep, she's jenny kallur. but not that good looking as sanna. hm, she's also like a not so tall, not so short built. but she looks fast. and she's gonna be faster. also another hot sports girl.

Micheal Phelps

this man is great. the greatest olympian to be exact. 8 gold medals. 7 world records. mark spitz was great, but micheal phelps has shown the world the great swimming god he is. he has brought the USA a great deal of medals and pride. btu seriously, pit him against ian thorpe. ian didn't compete in all when he used to be competing but if he did, i would suspect the american would find it challenging to beat thorpe. but anyway, he has so far 14 gold altogether. holy shit...

Usain Bolt

the world's fastest man on the planet. on...the...planet. just imagine being given that tittle. usain bolt has earned that right. and this guy is just ridiculously incredible. he awed the world by winning the 100m sprint in world record fashion...with ease. he slowed down a few good 10 metres plus away from the finish line to celebrate his win. and the 100m sprint wasn't his forte. he showed off his skills in the 200m sprint - his event to lose. but when he was running for it, it wasn't entirely for the gold medal. a day earlier, micheal johnson had said that bolt would not be able to break the 200m record as 'he is not ready'. bolt heard this and sprinted for the record that was supposedly impossible to break. he did it in 0.02 seconds. he is in a whole different class of his own. and what style he has. idolise him. for he is a legend in the making.

HAVE TO MENTION - SINGAPORE

singapore got one silver. but i mean...alright guys, you know where i'm gonna get to. they are from china. this is a wrong message we're sending to the youth of today. 'it's okay...do your best. if you can't, don't worry, we'll get foreign help to help us succeed.' alright, it sounds weird. anyway, i mean, yeah they are good, they do something for singapore. even other countries do buy talents and stuff. but i mean, are we so hard-up for medals? but then again, we must see what are the views of the athletes themselves. would they want to fight for their own countries? or for the countries that feed them with money? and look at our first medalist. look at it. tan howe liang. i'm sure not everyone knows about it. i'm not even sure if i got his name right. he's still alive. but i mean, he's like forgotten. he's the first and ever true blood singaporean to win a medal but all of a sudden he seems to be over shadowed by people who were just here for a year or two. it's abit too late. in a time where pop idols are everything now, it's too late to go back and witness the old age reign. though tan isn't a A singaporean, he fought for it. but if you look at it, there is like no singaporean. cause indians came form india, chinese came from china, malaysians from malaya. etc etc. this is turning out to be a social study topic. we have young singaporeans born in singapore being groomed to be sportsmen. however, foreign talents are stealing the media away from them even if they are not winning. just like the commentators.

OVERALL

the olympics was great. i really loved it. will london do as good as the beijing. well, i don't think so. but we'll just have to see what will happen. so four years time, in london, witness it all over again. but if you can't wait, and as long as it's olympics, there's the winter olympics coming up in 2010 in vancouver, canada. yep, or you could just keep yourself up to date with the IAAF prix. yeah, so until then, good yoz and be me mine...what did i just say???

Culda

P.S. if this blog happens to be like unclear or not precise during the arguments or whatever, it's cause i was sick/disturbed by friends/restricted under the law of censorship...whatever bongos.

It's Too Late To Take A Bow But Closer On You Can See Me Boucne To The Ching-A-Ling That Proves That Today Is The Day When I Grow Up.

2008-08-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

don't mind the tittle. i was trying something new. combining the titles of some of the hottest songs around...

anyway, here to blog after a long time. gonna divide it into sections again. so that it'll be easier for you to read and plus if i get too bored or dunno what to write, at least i know i have written something nice...

alright let's go.

POLY 50/SP ROVERS
Well, it was tough. serious. but damn fun. a good excuse to hit people whose faces you just don't like. you can act funny with the helpers. wait let me just intro you everything first...what is it and what we do. well, poly 50 is a campus relay run which mostly about sprinting around the sp block W5 and infront of admin block. which is 600m. it's rather fun. ran with the rovers. two teams there were, for the rovers. as for the total teams participating...what...it must have been like 80 plus plus teams. and it's like at each checkpoint (there's three checkpoints) you will have to pass the tag to your teammate. there's 50 rounds...first, 10th,20th,30th,40th and last round run-ned by girls. cause there's three girls in each team. 7 guys in each team. but looking out for your team-mate can sometimes be tough. cause people are blocking your view. lucky there was like a few other non-running rovers helping out to spot for us. i had an advantage though. height advantage. then when you want to collect the tag you have to like put raise your hand to signal cause some people would just stand in yuor way and block your team-mate's view.

hm, then when you do collect the tag, you have to like dodge the other people who are blocking your view. you could either dodge or jsut ram through them. you could even use this chance to jsut hit anyone you don't like 'accidentely' jsut cause you don't like how their face looks like. then you could even shout something like 'go' or 'siam' or 'move it'. if there was time, and if someone keeps blocking me while i'm running, what i'll say is 'move, move, move, move...[and if they still don't move], fuckin' move!!'

yeah, hm, CLS was like the big winner. three of their teams won. but the overall winner was like from sports club or track and field or dunno what. hm, but anyway at the end, we adiji-ed cheng cheong (our dear PTI). i think i hit him extra hard. then we threw him into the pond at the admin block there. then we started throwing each other inside the ponds. haha, that was damn fun. and we were like the only team that did that. com'on, that shows how close we are. it hasn't been even a month and we're throwing each other. hm, but actually we're getting there to being a closer family.

hm, rovers!!! looking forward to the night cycling yo. enjoy yourself guys. oh and was on youtube searching and i found this video. the rovers running poly 50 in 2007 (last year).

they look damn young. especially the two girls...look damn innocent, decent..unlike now...haha

GIRLS OF DOPT 02
hm, the girls of dopt/o2. you know...the first time i saw them in class...really thought they were like the study always type girls. hm, you know what...i don't think they are. i think they know how to be fun and talk crap. some of them can. hm, but too bad dunno them thaat well. cause they always hide away from the guys. com'on, i may be from sp shark rovers...but i don't bite. not always. hm, then there was like supposed to be a chalet. is supposed to be. but i don't think it will happen anymore. why? dunno. let's see anyway, the girls of our class. yeah, they can rock...just need to show us. i mean...hm...i'll stop here.

WHAT THE HELL!!!
first this girl ask me to go to mr and miss singapore polytechnic. then today when i was walking down orchard road, this girl came up to me and said she was from a freelance modeling thing and asked for my contacts. and i remember this photographer saying i have good chance to be model. hey, what the hell is the world coming to? but i think i'll just go...see what the thing is...everything..

EXAMS - HOLY SHIT-AKE
alright...gotta start mugging. i haven't done any studying at all. shit. hm, but think about it. if you forward module, look at the bright side. you're one step ahead of the other year one's. you know more than the other people. while they are wasting time looking for the classes...you can nicely stroll yourself down to class. you can get more cca points. and the most important...you can give yourself another chance to make it. you know what you did wrong in the previous year. then you can also make sure you make the best out of everything. yeah...that's great. i'm not hoping to forward module or repeat the year or whatever but you've always gotta have a back-up plan in life. if not, you will get lost easily.

Culda

Take A Look At The Bitch In The Mirror Before Telling Me I Suck Like A Straw In Everything I Do.

2008-07-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

hm, who thought that sitting in front of gen opts lesson could mean a whole difference in everything. in the whole learning experience and everything. anyway that was a long time ago...on wednesday. hm, today crs was not bad. entertaining at the end. haha, nice one, edwin, ansel and weng loke. hm, here's something you can ask discuss with your family over the dinner table. do you think singapore should allow gun use? do you think adoption should be legalised? do you think the death penalty should be imposed? do you think nav will make a good friend?

hm, friends? hm, actually no need to discuss that. you want a friend who will tell you how he feels with jokes that may sometimes sound sarcastic and mean. hm, well, alright, then i'll be a good friend for you. i know you are reading this. yeah you. well, i hope you are reading. hm, anyway, this is the only way you will really hear me out properly right? hey, you wanna know how i really feel for you? you really want to know? i don't know sometimes. i just know that you can be the most irritating bitch ever. but sometimes you really do listen to someone. and you know, looking back at what i've said, i really applaud you. cause if i were in your shoes, iu wouldn't be able to handle all my shit for as long as you did. yeah, i agree. i was freaking mean. but also do look at what you did. hm, are you a friend? are you an enemy? are you just an acquaintance? are you someone who is just there to talk to and then after that you're forgotten? are you someone like a punching bag made of poor quality? or are you someone more? i hardly know you now. hm, we laughed. we cried (different times, about different things though at the same place). it doesn't matter any more. hm, sometimes i even feel so hesitant to actually tell you shit cause you know her. hm, her...is it because of her? read this. yes i want you to understand this. and when you feel like you can actually find the courage from some part of that little red muscle in your ribcage area, do tell me what you think. slap me if you want. i deserve it. but think first...

hm, i can't belive it. i'm beginning to entertain myself by singing and listening to those sappy love songs. hm, but it's nice. hm, richard marx, 'i'll be right here waiting for you'. hm, i somehow can't stop thinking that if he were to go sing this song on stage live, would he break down and cry halfway during the song. hm also been listening to hip hop dance songs. wish i could pop & lock. seems so cool. like step up. hm SP=step-ping? hm, interesting.

exams coming soon. yet i'm still working, training and still slacking. i need to wake up...argh!!! soory, bad dream. hm. alright. back to studying. tomorrow i'm working. and saturday, (for you now) i wanna see whether you will actually come up to me. will you?

Culda

P.S. hm, am i regretting quitting dragon boat. how much more must i sacrifice? how much more must i lie? i'm tiring myself out. but too bad, i asked for it.

Water, Water Eveywhere...Let's Zip Down And Contribute.

2008-07-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

in anatomy and physiology lesson now...bored...learning about asthma...respiratory...hm

just some random searching and i saw this...9 great reasons to drink water. courtesy of dumblittleman.com..

Weight loss. Water is one of the best tools for weight loss, first of all because it often replaces high-calorie drinks like soda and juice and alcohol with a drink that doesn't have any calories. But it's also a great appetite suppressant, and often when we think we're hungry, we're actually just thirsty. Water has no fat, no calories, no carbs, no sugar. Drink plenty to help your weight-loss regimen.

Heart healthy. Drinking a good amount of water could lower your risks of a heart attack. A six-year study published in the May 1, 2002 American Journal of Epidemiology found that those who drink more than 5 glasses of water a day were 41% less likely to die from a heart attack during the study period than those who drank less than two glasses.

Energy. Being dehydrated can sap your energy and make you feel tired -- even mild dehydration of as little as 1 or 2 percent of your body weight. If you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated -- and this can lead to fatigue, muscle weakness, dizziness and other symptoms.

Headache cure. Another symptom of dehydration is headaches. In fact, often when we have headaches it's simply a matter of not drinking enough water. There are lots of other causes of headaches of course, but dehydration is a common one.

Healthy skin. Drinking water can clear up your skin and people often report a healthy glow after drinking water. It won't happen overnight, of course, but just a week of drinking a healthy amount of water can have good effects on your skin.

Digestive problems. Our digestive systems need a good amount of water to digest food properly. Often water can help cure stomach acid problems, and water along with fiber can cure constipation (often a result of dehydration).

Cleansing. Water is used by the body to help flush out toxins and waste products from the body.

Cancer risk. Related to the digestive system item above, drinking a healthy amount of water has also been found to reduce the risk of colon cancer by 45%. Drinking lots of water can also reduce the risk of bladder cancer by 50% and potentially reduce the risk of breast cancer.

Better exercise. Being dehydrated can severely hamper your athletic activities, slowing you down and making it harder to lift weights. Exercise requires additional water, so be sure to hydrate before, during and after exercise.

What Do You Do When You Know That Even Though What You Have Said Is True, You've Regretted Ever Saying That.

2008-07-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

birthday was great. how great is to get the wonderful sms greetings that say like 'get for me beer' or 'gonna pinch you'...hm, stuff like that is fun...haha...beer...legal yay...

alright, my dad sent me a sms too...oh man...thanks daddy...

this is gonna be a short post....

hm bought for myself new havainas (two pairs) and topman shirt. next, a outdoors sports pouch. hm, and maybe a blazer. hm, that'll be a fun. hm, a class blazer. yeah.

my 18 year old resolution? be more gay, get a camera. wear better clothes (i wear shit clothes now to school), make less sarcastic and mean jokes, make peace with everyone...but there's one thing that i don't wana change. my improvement in being more work-orientated. work here as in school stuff and sports and training and at tcc. have fun, if you want, just make sure you do your work.

damn, yesterday work was going great only when it became busy and new ones could not keep up with it. then they were like seriously too...hm...something. anyway, then my manager was like...ergh...pissed my day off...that whole event. jsut when i thought i would have a happy day at work, i got stressed by it. runner section a, section b, and the person to say 'please hold on, i'll get my collegue to attend to you, while i do my other stuff like keeping the plates and glasses in my hands.' hm, oh yeah...tcc, get more aloha and soda and maybe a bit more tango. we need it.

Culda

P.S. forget everything we've been through.i don't wanna say it like this, but we just seem to be wasting each other's time. why are we even in this shit? god knows. but forget it. too many doubts...forget it la...just forget it...

[Untitled]

2008-07-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

there are times in our lives we look at our lives and see what we need to really learn from it, how we're killing ourselves...how to make ourselves more happy. but we always never do anything about it at all. only those who persevere and cry about their lives and beat themselves up and regret everything they're doing try their best to do something. that's good. but what about the rest. what about the ignorant people. damn them.

here you go. i'm gonna talk about the things that suck and everything that's a bitch. basically i'm gonna talk about my life and bout the events in it.

Dragon Boat - Is This The End

let the politics and internal conflicts run. alright. dragon boat. there's about a hundred people in there. everyone wants to get in the team. the good team. and not only that. everyone right now is thinking of being...the captain. i mean, how amazing does it sound? "hi, i'm lim chee hong and i'm the captain of the dragon boat team." everyone has to have aspirations and ambitions, and of course being the captain is seriously good and probably proves how good of a team player, rower, and basically person you are. but we shouldn't see it as a tough competition in something which requires team work. this basically is not being shown in some of the guys. i mean the guys who are so keen in being in the boat. to train the body is easy. lift some freaking weights and pump iron with proteins. to train the heart. how you gonna do that? how you gonna train yourself to work as a team? work as one? how you gonna train perseverance? how you gonna be...some one worthy of something so renowned. that's it for me i guess. i've had enough. i mean everyone, i'm not going for training anymore i guess. i have a bad record already. for skipping so many trainings. hm, i'm gonna train my own. build up and bulk up myself. this way i will be something. with my own heart. have heart. one stroke, one heart, sp dragons hooyah...did i say that right?

TCC shits- Let Me Be Your Hero
my workplace is getting out of control. in terms of the people. i mean it's great place. but the people are getting influenced in the wrong way. i'm gonna make up for my wrong doings and change the whole area...for the better. how? i'm not too sure yet. but as all heroes do, their plan is always spontaneous. so i will always be on my feet. thinking of stuff. i'll make it a better place. i will make sure of that. before i leave, i'll make it better. yes, it seems like a daunting task, but it will be done.

tcc, i mean i love that place. really love it. terminal 3 arrival hall. love them over there. i like all of them there. ALL OF THEM. just that for some people it's complicated. you know you can't please everyone, but if the people see you are really trying to be that, they will be with your side. they will give you way. yeah, that's what i'm hoping for. guys, listen to the C's and brownies, alright? from now on. listen to them, learn from them, and anything just ask them. bug them always. it's only til you feed knowledge to your own brain then you can on't rely on them. unless you meet a weird task. then get to them again. always get to them.

My Own Problem - In Relation With TCC shits
this is kinda something i knew a long time. but i mean, how do i stop something i was kinda raised up with. sarcasm, mean-ness. it's in me. right now, i am really trying to soften that thing. so as to be more tolerable. but i mean sometimes it's necessary i guess. to make someone hate you so much you wanna proof that ass wrong. i'm the ass by the way. hm...it's sad. yeah, i agree.

i know i can be a prick sometimes. sometimes i meant to be. to just be someone you'd hate. but i never wanted to be the guy to hurt you. hm, yeah, i've hurt alot of people nowadays. i didn't meant to. hm, i've got to start afresh. i'm gonna think of that after i fix the problem of the tcc thing. if the problem is me, then i'll leave. i'll see what the problem is first. i'll fix it before i go. i'm the hero.

Culda

P.S. Issues, shits, and other stuff like that. all of us has that. don't act like you don't. hm, write about it. see what you can do about it.

You're Lying On The Floor Scribling "I Hate You" Everywhere With Your Blood That Leaks From Your Wrists & Throat While I Sit By WIth My Legs Crossed.

2008-07-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

well, been a shit load of shit week for me. hm, i'm bottling up all my anger and temper inside of me. the fire inside is raging. it's burning. and i don't think i can keep on taming the fire and keeping it under control. i tried to let my anger slip away as tears but the tears were of no help. in fact they just made the fire burn even more. what am i gonna do?

Culda

Shifting His Crooked Walking Stick, The Wise Sage Prepares Himself To Advice The Ancients With His Implicated Knowledge.

2008-06-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

screwed up the tittle abit. hm, anyway, been searching around for cool sayings and proverbs from different cultures and languages. hm, hope you guys find this enlightening and kinda uplifting. you can use it againts your friends too, to amaze them with your knowledge.

Malay Proverbs

Beri betis, hendak paha
Literal translation: When a calf is given, a thigh is requested.
Meaning: A greedy person will always ask for more.

Di mana ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalan
Meaning: Where there's a will, there's a way.

Harimau mati meninggalkan belang, manusia mati meninggalkan nama
Literal translation: Tigers die leaving their stripes (of their fur), but humans die leaving their names (reputation).
Meaning: A person dies but his deeds live on.

angan bersultan di mata, bersyaitan di hati
Literal translation: Don't show sultan in the eyes but have satan at heart.
Meaning: Don't be two-faced.

Jangan disangka air yang tenang tiada buaya.
Literal translation: Do not think that placid water is without crocodiles.
Meaning: A serene façade can hide many secrets. Compare to still waters run deep.

Ke mana tumpahnya kuah jika tidak ke nasi
Literal translation: To where does the gravy fall if not onto the rice.
Meaning: Chip off the old block.

Makan boleh sebarang makan, cakap jangan sebarang cakap.
Literal translation: Eat just about anything, don't talk just about anything.
Meaning: Watch your mouth/words.

Sediakan payung sebelum hujan.
Literal Translation: Prepare the umbrella before it rains. The Malay variant to scout's motto Be Prepared.

Sekali air bah, sekali pasir berubah
Literal translation: When a flood hits, the surroundings change with it.
Meaning: After a change, everything is never the same again.

Setinggi-tinggi tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.
Literal translation: No matter how high the squirrel jumps, it will eventually fall onto the ground.
Menaing: Smart people do make mistakes at times.

Yang bulat tak datang bergolek, yang pipih tak datang melayang
Literal translation: Round object will not roll over, flat object will not fly over.
Meaning: You have to make an effort to achieve something.

Chinese Proverbs

rao bao zi da gou
Literal translation: to hit a dog with a meat bun
Meaning: Using the wrong method to approach a problem

shì shàng wú nán shì zhǐ pà yǒu xīn rén
Literal translation: On this world there exists no such impossible tasks, they fear only those with perseverance.
Meaning: No task in this world is impossible so long as there are willing hearts. (where there's a will, there's a way)

yě yào mǎ ér hǎo, yě yào mǎ ér bù chī cǎo
Literal translation: Wants the horse to be good and at the same time want the horse not to eat hay
Meaning: someone has an unrealistic expectation

yù bù zhuó bù chéng qì
Literal translation: a jade that is not chiseled will not be a gem
Meaning: a person needs training and disciplined to have character.

wǒ tīng jiàn wǒ wàng jì. wǒ kàn jiàn wǒ jì zhù. wǒ zuò wǒ liǎo jiě
Literal translation: i hear and i forget, i see and i remember, i do and i understand
Meaning: you can only understand something by trying it yourself

hǔ fù wú quǎn zǐ
Literal translation: A tiger father has no canine sons.
Meaning: The son of a great man is of no less valor than his father

bā xiān guò hǎi gè xiǎn shén tōng
Literal translation: like the Eight Immortals crossing the sea, each one displaying his/her special feats
Meaning: everyone has his/her own special powers

yí jiàng gōng chéng wàn gǔ kū
Literal translation:Tens of thousands of bones will become ashes when one general achieves his fame.
Meaning: A great person needs others to sacrifice themselves to build his success

huà shě tiān zú
Literal translation: Adding legs when painting a snake
Meaning: Don't overdo something

zì xiāng maó dùn
Literal translation: piercing one's sheild with own spear
Meaning: Self-contradiction

wàn niàn jù huī
Literal translation: thousand of thoughts have turned into ashes
Meaning: all is lost; a hopeless situation

Culda

Nobody Knows How Much Pain A Heart Can Take Til It Breaks And Spills It Sorrowful Memories...What Am I Talking About?

2008-06-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

hm, super tired. my feet are aching. my soles feel super sore. my eyes are drooping. my legs feel so numb due to the long standing hours. standing at tcc...standing at the scouts campfire. walking from point A to point B over a few 10 plus kilometres. my arms..well, they are okay. my palms and hands and fingers are the worse. palms blistered. fingers in pain when bend. and my eyes are dry. wait, i talked about my eyes already. hm, wait, did i ever mention that i have great eyes. beautiful dark brown eyes.

anyway, campfire was a success. well, the process was daunting and tiring and it appeared that we were a little unprepared or underprepared for the campfire. but it turned out on that day that we finished everything before lunch time. hm, kudos to everyone. the whole process was over 2 days of which we stayed over in school for. had prata the first day, and light refreshments on the second. the prata was good. the refreshments were also wonderful in its own way. hm, how i wished there was more of those custard puff thingys. hm, then i had to actually like eat and do work (carry the benches) at the same time. then the poor scouts got scolded for eating. hm, the time when i actually just felt like closing one eye. or two.

and talking about work. hm, went to tcc at 3 on the first day. ordered the chilli beef soup. was it spicy or what. hm, but the taste got abit overpowered by the spiciness. hm, but overall a very powerful soup. hm, sea asparagus chowder still my favourite. hm, then now i'm in tcc, on my macbook writing this blog entry down when i could be studying or sleeping or working. hm, maybe i'll be too tired to work. hm, and talking about work...

you know, we all know work gets boring, shitty and sometimes we need the company of friends to make that life better. hm, friends in workplace are good. but we shouldn't actually try to be too friendly in a working environment. why? people try to use friendliness to suck their way up to the top to make life and everything else revolve around them and make everything work for them. make every 'friend' they owe that person a living. and when they use this friendliness with others to attack some other unsuspecting people. back stabbing people. talking behind each others back. hm, we all know everyone gossips (for ladies) and talk a little more then required about other people behind their backs (for men). we all can be saved to say that that may be one of our greatest guilty pleasure. but it should not come to a point when people already know about the stories and everything else going on. we know that everyone may have been jealous(?), envious(?) and cunning(?) for some reason. hm, but why should it come to a point that it hurts someone or just pushes that someone to the breaking and boiling point. and when the victim loses it, he does things he know he'll regret doing but know that that's the best, for everyone. the politics and all that...i've had enough. i've thought of switching...but i know for me to adjust is hard. but i know i can catch up quickly. hm, so long never had to do a shift of bar. does it really matter that if i'm doing a 6 hour shift, 8 hour shift (but at a diferent time slot). hm, the only thing that can only put me a condition of going back to work everyday (and looking forward to it) is the hope of looking at all those pretty matured hot women, ladies...etc. hm, it's unfair. why the girls are served more justly than men.

went tcc exploring the last thursday. looked at city hall, suntec city, funan. millenia walk, circular road, raffles xchane, central. hm, suntec city is abit too bland, and the interior is just too weird. funan, hm, suntec looks like nothing compared t0 some off the other boutiques. it's small, just a round shape (i think, haven't been there yet, but can somehow can read.) hm, city hall kinda rocks, the first place i actually worked at.hm and then they open this cupobrad door, bringing new life to walk in wardrobe.

Culda

I Won't Say I'm Mad Over You, But Even If I Am, Do You Really Need A Reason For That, Cause If You Do, I Don't Have One.

2008-06-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

alright, another long day. shorter than yesterday, but still long.

MST

hm, mst was not bad. maths. i didn't know question 1a, 2, the box whisker and something else. yep. paper is over 50. wonder what i'm gonna get. for those questions, i crapped. my answers were like 'i'm not too sure" and stuff like that. even literally drew a box with whiskers for the box-and-whisker question. hm, alright...can't wait to go through the answers...then the whole class is gonna know my answers. damn should've done it properly. damn! hm, gotta work for this and then get through the semester. do super well for semester end test. yeah, gotta get a good GPA. GPA is everything now.

Work Stuff

hm, i realised i'm spouting alot of vulgarities. hm, gotta stop. every vulgar word=10 bucks fine. hm, just when i got no money, i've got to fork out more. woo hoo...make me broke honey. hm, work's slightly better today. just one guy who was like talking like a mouse. hm, saw some of the stuff for tcc menu...hm, interesting...not happy though. hm, why bye bye to that item. what am i gonna indulge in now? hm, i also have been barred from saying 'buh-bye'...it apparently causes guests to puke whatever they had. i must say 'have a nice day" or "goodnight". lame-o.

EMO

hm, i admit i have hurt alot of people. really. i' m serious. should i take a look at myself. i already have. i suck. i'm a jerk. how i managed to piss people off to a limit that they hate me, i don't know. i've just gotta really change. who am i trying to kid. i crack unfunny jokes. i am just being insulting. being sarcastic. being child-like. being an immature asshole. i remember how i made some people cry...did i really mean to do it? hm, i felt that i pushed myself...but did i apologise. i did not. hm, please nav, wake up, smell the roses. you wanna get her? please la. look. the only way she's gonna accept you or even go out with you, is if you're not you. get it? i hope i do.

Culda

Be Quick, Be Decisive, Be Me, Be You. Be Something If Not Everything New. Be There To Be For Me. Be There To Know What We Can Be.

2008-06-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

ladies and gentleman, have you ever felt like you're the cause of someone's heartbreak. to know that you have this sense of guilt. to know that you just caused grief to someone. now that person is feeling super sad, depressed, hopeless, suicidal (well, not really), melo-dramatic? hm, no? never? hm, me too.

Money

i get money. i get money. i get money. i can keep singing that song by 5o cent 'i get money'. hm, yeah...not much...but at least it's something. hm, well, gotta keep it. can't let it disappear. gotta take care of it. make sure i don't overspent...like on donuts, ya kun kaya toast, countless bottles of 100 plus, new t-shirts...100% whey protein. hm, that's why i wanna get. hm, take time.

MST

anatomy and physiology is over. alright, not bad. hm, can pass. funny way of their marking scheme. hm, well, now it's time for maths. what the hell, i don't even know what to study. what do you think i'm gonna get for my maths in this conditon? hm, i can't even think straight. what i said in that sentence probably didn't make sense but i'm still sticking to it. hm, well, hope maths goes easily. gotta rush off after that. hm, well, i think my rushing plan works. just that i gotta catch the early transport and all that.

Work

shit, had to sit through this shit table. 7 bitches. half of them butches. really fat too, all of them. then the bitch sitting at the head of the table, was like trying to act cute with me and so i played dumb with her. "for the soup, it comes with the garlic bread? hm, can i have another one? what must pay? hm, is the size the same? (i replied with yes, how can i say no even though the answer IS no. i mean, measure it bitch, it's not the fuckin same). hm i think we take the soup. no just one garlic bread. (and who'll be sharing the soup?) hm you can give a soup spoon to all seven of us (i said 'okay' in a serious manner)" she laughs. her friend butts in and says she's just joking. i wanted to say, no she's just being a bitch who happens to think she's funny. and throughout this whole scene, she's staring at me with her bitch slit eyes. oh, you wanna have a confrontation? hm, bring it on asshole. hm, talking about confronatations. me and the chef were like having a nice chat about soemthing. here it goes. scene goes a customer ordered a chicken pie. the pastries has not been baked yet. told to customer he had to wait 10 mins. customer said he had no problem waiting.

chef: first time ah? first time ah?

me: first time what? (first time see your face? unfortunately no. sadly i've been seeing your black-borned-sour face since day one)

chef: you got tell customer need to wait.

me: ya la, got. he say can wait.

chef: how long time you say he wait?

me: 5-10 mins. he say no problem. he can wait.

chef: what if not 10 mins. what if make more like 15 mins?

me: (hm, then that means you not doing your job properly) then i tell customer about it lo.

chef: what if customer don't want wait?

me: (if don't wanna wait, then ask him buy soemthing else...duh...upsellllll) customer said...he...can...wait.

chef: next time must check with kitchen. then must tell the customer to wait. what if cannot wait? then how?

me: (then we all go outside and do raindance) customer said he can wait. if he cannot wait, then i surely will let him know have to take time. if still don't want to wait, i won't ask him to buy the chicken pie. ask him get something else. if anything i will talk to customer.

chef was looking kinda intimidated. he kept swallowing when talking to me. and i was like keep wanting to laugh. cause he couldn't express himself properly in english. hm, does he know that i can understand mandarin? hm, never mind. overall, it was a freaking tiring day. not physically. mentally. hm, stupid tables trying to act lame. i think i encountered tables like these four times. shit, don't do this to me bastards. we know you hate your life. don't make us hate yours too.

Culda

Unsociably Active In A Highly Influential World Where Having Friends Is A Good Thing But Not Necessary.

2008-06-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

recently been trying to study. but how to when i've got work, camps and stuff to deal with. hm, kinda a pain sometimes. to care about too many things. i'll even the things out in those lovely little headings that you guys so love. if you don't love it, then never mind. i'll update you my life. my happenings.

Work

yep, kinda getting used to it. actually i'm amazed i can still remember stuff. like what to ask. how to ask. so it was only like a crash course in the admin stuff and all that. then yeah. as for bar, i'm freaking slow!!! and i forgot so many things. like how much to add of a certain thing. but sometimes i feel like i'm...hm, never mind.

then the respect that should be present is not there. jokes, yeah make your jokes. but when it coems to serious, i know when a joke is not a joke. and if you say you're joking, well, it just proves you dunno how to joke properly, cause if you did, both of us will be laughing. then don't push me and ask me to say sorry. i'm just checking. ah, forget it. people i thought were nice, are not. made me wonder some things.

new staff. two girls. one guy. hm, not bad. new staff. trained them. they seem hopeful. but it's best to never actually put full hope on anyone. you can say there's potential. wait for the time to show their potential. don't assume. cause you'll jsut be left looking like an ass. argh, i hate that word. hm, anyway, then there's...hm, never ,mind. want another cheesy thingy? there's me...

MST Week

hm, and i didn't study anything much. hm, gonna flunkity flunkity flunk. i hope they give you a bloody chance. i hate my modules. they don't mean anything. we're just having it for convenience or something. just to so as to occupy and fit or whatever is the word for the first semester. give us a break. humanbio chem, gonna just give up on it. cause it's like a course that doesn't make me go 'okay, i understand now'. then anatomy and physiology. well, it's okay, but it's just that i dunno what's gonna be tested or rather how the test is gonna be like cause we never have any tutorials or whatever. then maths...erm, it's being taught differently. hm, i can't scrape through that...i hope. analytical and physical chem...I SUCK AT CHEM!!! it's the subject i couldn't comprehend since sec sch. general optics...sit in the lecture hall and try to understand what is being taught in the lecture without saying 'what the f...'. seriously, that's how i feel. general optics is a fancy name for physics about light and lenses and mirrors and stuff like that. basically it was the most stupidest and suckiest topic in sec sch syllables. hm yeah...that's basically it. it means death for me. bad GPA. bad life.

Money

hm, money is kinda getting okay. but it's only for like a day a day only. i'm never okay for a week...or two days. i need to get my pay. i expect and predict it's gonna be late. hm, my 'job offers' or whatver it's called is still up for grabs. anyone...interested. a play date? a butler? i've got experience. "hi sir, ice water or warm water for you?". i'll even mean it when i say it. hm, i need money. okay...call me at 97473625. looking for used clothes? i don't have any. i just have used clothes. get it? hm, not funny i know...

Other Stuff

hm, i wanna get a camera, a girlfriend i can dote on, a new phone, a new wallet...my wishlist is coming up...sidebar...weehoo...

hm then there's gonna be some time management and planning for some time saving shit or something like that. i'm gonna have alot of experiments with time...yeah, that sounds nice, vague and totally redundant to others but not me. it'll save my ass...and yeah. just gotta be fast in everything i do. no more wasting time. gotta be like jay...auto go back (tcc inside joke).

WiseCracks

A dog is always in push up position.

a manager manages, a supervisor supervises, so obviously a boss has to be bossy.

if a bottle of water is called a water bottle, then why is a bottle of apple juice not called a apple bottle?

do you need to be in a club to order a club sandwich? if so, do we need to ask what club are they from so we know how to prepare the sandwich, since each club would probably be different?

a ceiling is a suspended wall.

writers use writing pads, lecturers or lecturees use lecture pads, fools use foolscap.

no man can ever shave properly, there's just too much hair.

no woman can ever shave properly, that's why they invented waxing, so as to just fool men into thinking they're hairless.

if men like hairless women, how come i don't see myself marrying a bald woman?

Culda

P.S if you got any wisecracks, do just put it down on the tag board. if you want, sms me, nudge me, IM me...whatever you like. visit me at my workplace also can. spend more than 20 bucks got discount. seriously.

Hurting Soles, Aching Legs, Drooping Eyelids, Rotten Eggs, Ruined Shoes, Hurting Ears, Sore Throat, Blistered Palms - How I Love Feeling Like This Now

2008-06-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

here i am...eating assorted biscuits out of a long tin can, with a fan blowing at my face at speed 2 and music being played in the background, while sitting infront my macbook and and typing what is supposed to be reflections for the Basic Training Camp organised by the SP Sabre Shark Rover Sea Scout Crew. did i get that right. hm, my mind is exhausted, and so is every part of my body. well, not really every part...but you get my drift. okay, i'm just like vomit everything about the BTC...but i'm not gonna put all the detail cause of legal issues.

anyway, do read up. for the 'BTC 08'-ers, there are credits and all that other stuff. you can also search through the sub-headings and all that if you're too busy to read all this crap. it's very long i think. peace.

DAY ONE

My bag was hanging onto my dying shoulders. i had came super early. trained to sp via the first train. then figuring i had nothing to do til 8 (the reporting time), figured i'd just roam round the campus. the air was pleasant. cool and refreshing. wanted to go for a jog around the campus. anyway, met ming yang at FC3. slacked there, waited for people, stopped myself from sleeping, drank water. then we were welcomed by the rovers with the reminder that the chairs would snap shut and lock our asses into the seat forever and ever if we didn't walk with wide strides all the way to the badminton hall since it was 15 mins past the reporting time. had a great laugh with the floor after that.

hm, sarcasm aside. it was a sudden wake up for everyone. if you thought this camp meant strolling about in havainas across the sarimbun camp ground with a glass of pineapple juice with a umbrella at the rim in one hand and a sarimbun camp tourist guide map with all the attractions and other sights listed in the camp ground, then the door was open for us with a grand exit. leave with honor. you're the first one to say no. hm, crap...why am i talking like this.

anyway, after everything, we were left to build our tents once we reached the camp. tents were up without problems. then had macaroni for lunch with baked beans and sardines. i don't eat sardines so i forgoed it. ladies and gentlemen, you are in a camp, you are not at home. don't expect everything to be like what it is at home. there were many events after that to keep us occupied. T-E-A-M-W-O-R-K. did PT together because we were not together. got scolded together because we were not together. it was a pretty long day. dinner was a hell load of instant noodles. cooked it ourselves with a LPG and stove. interesting.

oh did i mention that we had to have this egg buddy thingy. damn, my bag is like wet casue of it. three eggs broke and spilt into one of my section pockets of the bag cause it happened when i put my bag down in the bus or was it from the bus going back home. now my bag stinks. anyway, through all the events and lessons and all that in that day of which i slept through most of it cause i was tired after having a three day scout camp and work which ended 8 hours before camp. so that meant that i had like 3 hours of fun, cause...well, left at 5. anyway, slept quite badly the first day cause we had pt at 0615 and we slept at 2 plus. so i knew if i went to sleep soundly, i wouldn't be able to wake up. so yeah, first day was already kinda shag. but the supper was nice abit. biscuits.

DAY TWO

PT...opeining ceremony. hell yeah. inspection. hm, how i love inspection. just throw everything. hm, i envy those with the standard haversack that has like one to three compartments. just open all the zips and throw everything out. within a minute you can have everything nicely layed out. mine's like crap. gotta open here and there and here and there. but it's kinda good cause they inspectors may not know the inside's and outs of my bag so hiding stuff is easy. anyway, i found out that i never exceed 10 mistakes. i think most is 8 mistakes. why, egg never take out from container. then forget to take out fork spoon from mess tin. then mostly is cause never standardise with the OIC. then got one mistake because of wax. i was like to sleepy to ask why is gatsby wax a mistake. "Instructor, i need to have a strong morale and having spiky hair boosts my morale."

had pancake juice. damn nice. i didn't know it tasted that good. we tried cooking it, but it was unsucceeful. we even had proof to show to the Food IC. bet no one expected that. then lunch was like instant noodles again. enjoyed that. biscuits were like always there to keep us satisfied and stop our stomachs from growling. hm, growling stomachs...hm all of a sudden i remember those times in gen opt lecture when my stomach would be growling for food so loudly that the people sitting the row below can hear it. but i was like never very hungry during the camp. cause biscuits...

hm, i stayed awake today. had like practicals. did flagstaff. i pegged the peg the wrong way in. and there i was scratching my head and looking at it like an idiot. thought no one would ever notice. but once it was done, the instructors and all that were like making fun of my careless mistake. alright. well, at least i changed it immediately. then there was this tyre thingy. used my human advantage to lift the tyre up to a certain level. used my height. haha. we were successful. hell yeah.

then there was like other fun stuff. the entire thing with the blindfold. blindman's game? anyway, after a while i kinda knew where we were and all that. like water being sprayed at you. and just hours before they told you that the male toilet can't be used. hm, think thinking thought. alright. anyway, fun, but draggy abit. then there was the mudbath thing. cooling. hellyeah. everyone was like statues after that. the mud on our hair made us look cool. cool mud monsters.

anyway, the whole day was great. dinner was a competiton. cooked fried rice. fried rice with sand and mud. yum, crunchy. lucky i was always bugging my mom whenever she was cooking. "navjoth, fried rice is actually the easiest dish to cook. just cook the rice. anything you wanna add, just add then fry everything together, add some sauce to taste and enjoy". hm, cooking 101. the other group cooked fried noodles. hm, technically it's like cheating cause theirs was instant noodles without soup. but we won, so i won't say it was cheating. but theirs tasted damn good.

i knew there was a fire drill coming along. why? we we off to sleep early. justin (RSL) said "alright, just to let you know. please be careful cause they are burning wood over there so if there is a fire, get the buckets of water at the shed over there." it was the second night of the camp and the next night would be our investiture so they can't really tekan us after investiture. so yeah, expected.

DAY THREE

i was like awake until maybe three plus. i was waiting for the fire drill to happen. was at first talking to sharon and galvin. but after a while heard them snoring and i realised i was actually talking to myself for half an hour plus plus. then i was like, hm, aiyah forget it. i'll just keep talking to myself. somewhere in the distant i could hear other voices. thought maybe it was my other mates. i was wrong. the next thing i knew i realised that there was another blanket on me (i don't blame you for not getting this folks...it's kinda like an inside joke). i woke up, stunned. if the tent hadn't been pulled down, i would have run and grabbed the water buckets. but i was surprised by it that i woke up, pulled the tent off me, took my egg and wore my shoes, put back the tent flap nicely lying down and made it neat for some apparent reason, and ran somewhere. over there did like waking up exercises. it was beautiful.

then after that, we had to bring up the fallen tent. we didn't really sleep. just napped at the PT place. PT was nice. usual. anyway we were then having kaya and bread for breakfast while the ants were having our blood as breakfast while (i assume) the instructors were having pipako for breakfast...so they can shout with clarity. breakfast ended fast..then stuff happened. for lunch we guys had to finish up all the food.

we had footdrill on that day too. it was cool. nice to finally be in a footdrill contingent after so long. though understandably everyone was not on the same page when it came to executing the cause as usual different units practise different standards. so yeah. i grew up with FDC and stuff. anyway, then we had the investiture rehearsal. kinda relaxing. the investiture was going to be in a matter of hours. and so did that mean that those hours was gonna be spent on practising on our performance (we were supposed to do a performance after the investiture) and slack in our tents and record down the shapes of the clouds as they pass by our heads in our log books? hm, the sweet answer is no. what was next for us...was *************. [censored for those who might want to try out for next year BTC...haha]

anyway, what really was in their made everyone cry. if not on the outside, surely on the inside. the bonding through the pain, the flags waving proudly around us, the pride in the each other's eyes including the instructors. it was amazing. it was worth it...for the blue scarf and woggle. after that event, it was chilled. everyone was hurt yet laughing and cracking jokes...how it should be. dinner was going to be after investiture. investiture was cool. got my stuff. met the alumni and saw their pretty little faces. imagined myself 3 years from now being there and looking at the new faces of rovers. then we went on with our performance. hm, what did i think of? a re-enactment of the camp while making fun of the instructors. decided to tone it down. did andy "T-E-A-M-W-O-R-K...you'll are stroooooooooooooling...what did i say last night...swift and fast" and then there were some other classics from the other instructors like "where's the indian pot?" and "why so sloooooooow" and also "what is this? you'll are leaving your friends behind". ahhh...good times.

DAY FOUR

anyway, woke up early again for something. but i won't say what. but it was FUCKIN-AWESOME!!! yep, it was kinda amusing when i woke up when i thought about it after the event was over. hm, well, three of the instructors woke me up. i was like so deep in sleep i didn't know what was happening. when they woke me up, i thought they were being concerned for my well-being by asking me to sleep with something over me to prevent myself from feeling cold. so what i did was take a shirt and put it over my body and went back to sleep. then they shook me again and told me to wake up. so i woke up and turned to my friend and asked him to wake up as well. then they told me "no, you alone". i stepped up clumsily, put on my shoes or something. then as they were leading me up a slope, i almost fell. why? cause one was pulling my up while one was holding me down. but everything was okay beside that.

hm, breakfast was good. kaya bread and scrambled egg bread (thanks ada (TCO)). hm, we spent most of the time slacking around and preparing to pack up. got bitten by two ants on the same thumb at the same time while striking down the tents and kitchen sheds. like what the hell, one's not enough? anyway, then we had to return back our stuff to the sarimbun equipment shed. xui min (instructor) ws pissed at the lady there for asking us to keep re-folding and re-folding again and again..."go ask that bitch to ask her how to fold". me and the guys however were singing along to hoobastank's 'the reason' which was being played on the radio in the equipment shed. made us smile again for hearing good music being played.

bus-ed back to SP. going there, everyone slept. oh did i mention that everyone overslept that day? yeah, there wasn't PT or whatever. then we thought we were going to get shit. so we quickly fall-in at the PT place but there was no one. then we went to the main fall in area and shouted "we are ready" countless times. then one instructor came out slowly and saw us standing there. yeah...funny..laugh please

anyway, back at sp, did stuff there. then we had the closing ceremony. everything was good after that. had to do some stuff back home. missed the traditional gathering. camp was officially over.

REFLECTIONS

it was a different camp. i knew i didn't regret coming for this. whatever that i gained within this 4 days...everything was worth the pain i went through. all the wonderful friends...all the memories...all the laughter...all the joy...all the sadness...all the tears...all the times everyone spent making fun of everyone. i can't help think that i actually was thinking of not going. cause i knew i could have made 176 bucks over the four days. i could have spent my days studying for my MSTs. but i just realised that i already made a commitment and i knew i had to fulfil it. with joy. and i really am happy that i didn't choose to pon (skip) this camp. i enjoyed it...really. hm, it really did show me a whole different perspective. really there was the importance and focus on teamwork. all the events was nicely prepared and informative (saying it from a normal layman's point of view, not from a scout's view). the crap that we made even with the instructors at those free time. ahhh...it was just great. next year, hell yeah i'll be there.

TO THE INSTRUCTORS

thanks to you guys for giving us the hellish time of our lives. motivating (and at times sometimes nagging) us. you also really made us see the importance of being a team. seeing you guys, we realize how strong and bonded a team can be. you showed us the seriousness of life. you showed us the consequences of doing things wrongly. you showed us that sp rovers love light sticks alot. thanks alot you guys. really appreciate everything that you guys put in for us. and just like to say that everything was nicely done. especially that after-midnight thing on day four, it was really really awesome. one of the most memorable moment in that camp. the most memorable? SHIT.

TO MY FRIENDS

hey guys, thanks for being a great team. you guys really bond well. eat alot too. hm, that SHIT time, man, that hugs were really great. the encouragement we gave each other. i don't care how gay i sound like now. i love you guys. peace for ever. sorry for you guys to bear with my crap. hm, each one of you...you're gonna do great.

Culda

P.S. this is not the end. this is only the beginning.

P.P.S. hm, if any of this needs to be erased/taken off/whatever, let me know alright.

A Shitty Day At Work/My Endless Search For New Addictions And Fantabolicious Snacks And Little Feasties.

2008-06-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

that has probably gotta be one of the most fruity sounding tittle. fantobolicious = fantastic + fabolous + delicious. i created that with a little help from my creative section of my brain. alright. to work

Work

well, work was like okay. it was the eve of her birthday and what could i do at the most? just wish her. should've given her what i had prepared. anyway, then got pissed of by another her. goddamn it. argh, and i'm working with her for another day i think...or is it two more? argh, can't take it. can't take it. i need a vacation from her. or maybe i'll do what i did most of the time today. stayed at the back and just basically stayed away from her. only had her piss me off cause some order wanted to be served later but cause i didn't ask, the desert got sent earlier and the table rejected saying they wanted it later, thus the desert could not be sold cause it need to be sent before the ice cream melts or the hot fudge cake gets cold. so i had to buy it cause it's my fault. no arguments there. my fault. but the way...oh...gawd. anyway, then pissed me off again...and again...and again...and again...then went home. thought of how i'm gonna survive next week with her. don't talk to her then.

anyway, at work saw some interesting people. a cute funny couple thought the description/fun fact of mushrooms in the gallery(in tcc, the menu is called a galley. cool huh?) was actually a salad...idiots...tried not to laugh. only let it go abit when i was keying it their order. then there was this baby who punched me in my b***s. damn, so young, yet they know where i'll feel the pain the most. and a hard one at that. damn...argh...thank gawd the baby wasn't holding any fork or whatever. stupid baby sitting on that high chair and acting all cute and innocent.

there was this table too...two girls...pampered themselves with a wonderful selection of stuff...two deserts with added ice cream for each and a drink with an additional ice cream on that too. perky, cheerful, and attractive and yeap, good girls. good personality, i bet. then there was this couple of ladies, who had their conversation in half cantonese and half british english. herm, that's nice. see how i can notice the little things. maybe that's why sometimes i forget the customers waving sillily at me, like they're drowning and i'm a lifeguard looking at what people look at a beach...won't say what, who or where, or wearing what.

anyway, can't wait for pay. i just need to get my pay, then i'll be alright. just this one pay. and i'm gonna be happy. very happy. but gotta work and study too so my schedule for work has got to be reasonable...not like last time before i started work.

Addictions

let me tell you about the things that are addictive, that i like...that i'm addticted to...and i can't walk past it without having a internal civil war with my brain cells, stomach, soul and all that.

Sea Asparagus Chowder - simply delicious. from tcc. it's actually supposed to be thick, but it's still awesome when it's just thin. gotta try. it's 7 bucks without gst and service charge.

Donuts - anywhere is nice...prefer from J.Co, donut empire (typhoon oreo is the best there). 1.3o per piece...holy shit.

Ya Kun Kaya Toast - at 1.80 for two slices and at that price. com'on it is worth it. it's filling too. have it to go and just walk about with it, eating those charcoaled toasted bread slowly.

Kit Kat Chunky Caramel - gotta love that choc with gooey caramel inside that fat kit kat. and if you want it at a good price, buy it from your neighbourhood provison shop.

Mr Bean Pancakes - hm, it only gets you addicted when you eat it. once you eat one, you get hooked and can't decide how many to buy.

Roasted Garlic Chicken Spaghetti - damn nice!!! for those who like it, you'll really like it and get addicted to it. abit pricey too.

Seafood Aglio Olio - strictly only for diehard spicy-food-lovers. get it very spicy and add two lemon wedges, and you've got probably one of the best dry pastas you will ever eat. but it's pricey.

basically this are all the food i can think of. there are more of course. maybe i'll post some pictures and put it as a seperate blog entry. hm, sounds like a good idea. look out for that.

it's 0347 and i've got a camp to attend to in 4 and a half hours. alright...not gonna sleep. i'm gonna go to tcc terminal 3 first. get my first aid kit. then get a free drink (hohoyeah) then accompany them for an hour or something then get ready to head off to SP rover den. probably just gonna walk about there if i'm early. gonna ask them whether is there a need for me to attend cause i don't have the full uniform...no money to buy. only got the shirt, pants. no beret and scarf. if can't go, ask whether can work at tcc. if cannot work then stay at home study. if can go to camp, then go la. then come back, sleep...study. then get ready to welcome my parents back to singapore on friday. then get ready to work on saturday. sunday not working. monday prob working. gonna stop on friday. then prepare for school MST (mid-semester tests)...and then back to normal life with abit of planning for some stuff...for money sake...

Culda

P.S. if you'll got any food in mind, that's worth trying or being addicted to, please let me know. i would love that alot. thanks, see ya in 4/5 days with my camp updates.

'Money Is The Root Of All Evil' - I Don't Care How Many Sins That Arises, I Just Am Willing To Do Anything Just About Anything For Those Dollar Notes.

2008-06-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

Money Talks...Yeah, See Me Cry Over Money Again

yeah, it really sucks. i figures that i would be safe with 20 bucks at hand. but i forget that i have like lunches and dinners to get myself. i needed some money for my transportation. and for my camp stuff, needed some provisions. it's amazing how that 20 bucks disappeared in a matter of seconds. you're never okay with any amount of money. you need to keep on increasing your wealth pile to be happy. i'm a growing man with a unbelievable appetite. i need to appease my stomach. instant noodles. yeah, it's cheap, good, fast and filling. but is it healthy, nutritious, and you certainly need to keep on stocking up..which still results you in having the need of more money. money is never enough.

that's why we work...some of us. who think that we need to satisfy our needs. first use the money to get our needs, eg. camp stuff, normal cheap food, school stuff, stuff like that. then there's our wants...like wonderful food, games, chocolates, stuff like that. our wants really outnumber the needs. it's just that we see the wants as needs before we buy it and when we look back when we are a little short, we realise that we shouldn't have actually spent on it. ahh, regrets. i'm have like tones of regrets. learn from it. we must learn to control the impulse. we must stop. and so must i about this subject. the more i think about it, the more i talk about it...the more it makes me wanna just drop helplessly and hopelessly to the ground and curl up into a ball and hope and imagine that my ass will shit out dollar notes. hm, imagine that. that would be a sight to behold.

hm then it's like without money, you find yourself helpless. what if the bus and train services has stopped opertaion. you can't take the taxi. then when you see this thing you have been so dying to try for on sale and you open up your wallet and there's nothing there except a dead moth. then when it's time for lunch and you don't have money, so you're hungry for the whole day. that sucks...all those things..and more.

hm, then you wish for things that are free. like free food, free drinks, free toliet entries and all that. but is that possible. well, kinda, if you know where to look. then how do you ask people out also. you can't ask them out and say, '..but it's gonna be your treat baby girl'...that girl's gonna give you the biggest sarcastic grin in your life and wave goodbye to your sorry little assface for the last time. but hey, if a girl does that, that means she's a bitch. cause she doesn't know honesty, even if honesty was a person and doing her in the middle of the night with extra force and fetish-ness, she wouldn't even try to understand it. she would just be...wait, i'm talking about money here, not bitches and whips in sex.

money. we all need it. especially everyone. yeah, i just wanted to stress my point. make it more convincing or something like that. you pray that you can get free money. but it's hard. even when you get it from your parents, they need something back in return. like good grades from you, or not making alot of noise. and it sucks cause my parents are not at home right now, not in singapore actually, and i can't ask them for money. if i could, i surely would.

money , please...i need money. i'll do anything. i'll really do anything. please, anything. anything. to everyone...what do you want me to do. strip, pole dance infront in the middle of a orchard road foodcourt. stand in the middle of the road for 3 mins, sleep with you, stay away from you, accompany you anywhere, do stuff for you, be your man butler, anything...i'm willing to do ANYTHING...

Culda

P.S Anyone need anything to be done, like either those stuff mentioned above or anything you have in mind which you are ready to pay for being done, please call me at 97473625. really...call. please do call. i welcome you with all my heart.

And So Begins The Life Of One And The Ending Of Another, Signifying The Endless Spin Of The Vicious Circle Of Life.

2008-06-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

Money Talks

...and the only way for me to really hear what it has to say is to have some money in the first place. so right now, i have to guess what it says. hm, alright, feeling lame right now. i'm like so broke right now. my wallet has holes. no....literally, there are holes in it. coins fall out of the coin pocket thingy and sometimes my card may fall out too. i just realise that how some people have to survive without any money at all. it's like i'm really thinking twice about the money i spent frivolously during the last two months. hm, mostly spent on food. shit, what did i eat. really, i need to seriously cut down man. eat instant noodles or eat those bread stuff...eat donuts...woo..donuts...mmmm...sweet lovely donuts...shit, i need some right now. oreo please...wait where was i? hm, i really need money. i'm just waiting for my first pay. i don't care how much i get...gonna make it last for three weeks or more. depending. surely more than three weeks. gotta save...

Work Duties

yep, working already. first day of work just ended. kinda fun. talked crap, looked around at people eat food and walk about funnily and weirdly...got to see from the stupid customers to the ugly customers to the not so bad ones. hm, really laugh at those genuinely stupid people. hm, thank god they don't read my entries. if not, i'm in deep shit. they'll be like outside my house holding a firehose loaded with foamy soap at the mouth of the hose and fire it into my mouth and wash all the trash from it. today i woke up and said to my crappy side, 'if i were to build a sculpture out of crap, it wouldn't be much full of crap as i am'. interesting how i can insult myself and tell you guys about it. hm, anyway, i'm gonna like try to make double chocolate (yeah the one at macdonalds). i won't say that drink is really nice. it's like milk and chocolate and oreo bits with surely chocolate powder or something. hm, have to really R&D on it. yep...then do some other stuff...but it'll surely be impossible. hm, my schedule is like okay la...6-12, 6-12, 6-12...boring..6 hours...need money...wanna work overtime...but i know it's impossible. hm, can't wait for the holidays to start...the next set of holidays...it's like one and a half month...can work and get money...then see how if i wanna continue. i'm surely gonna quit once i get into second year. surely...then i'm gonna like scheme up some money making plan and call it my work. and then be able to earn money. i'll do it in school or something. or maybe do like some kinda i-order-for-you-you-pay-me-extra-for-it work. or i-accompany-you-for-a-day-and-you-pay-me-for-it. that's like social escort...selling my body...or rather in this case my time. hm, more ideas are being created in my head.

Busy, Hectic Week

i have like a 3 day scout camp with working days in between and i'm not staying for the 3rd day. then i've gotta work. then i've got like sp rover camp from monday to thursday. then probably gonna work on like saturday. need one day of rest. busy. then need to study. i'll probably be studying at my scout camp. how to study at rover camp. i'll see my laptop fly in the air and into the sea. hm, i got myself into this. gotta find a way to settle it.

It Ends Right Here

hm, due to my hectic schedule, i don't think i can blog at all...duh...so i'll like try to remember every shit that happened to me and post it down here. but even if i don't blog it down, what can you do to me? if i told you nothing happened at all, who are you to not believe me? hm, if you do that, i might as well just tell you to hold on to your ankles and kiss your ass goodbye. i'm just kidding...or am i?

Culda

P.S. I'll be back. can anyone lend me money? seriously please?

When You Have Nothing To Do, You Torture Yourself With The Thoughts Of Having Unstoppable Fun And Endless Runs In A Field Of Yellow Daisies.

2008-06-03T06:29:00.001-07:00

what's up with the tittle? don't ask me. i have no explanation for it. anyway, was feeling like so bored. thought i'll just insult myself by taking stupid tests..

You are a PC

You're practical, thrifty, and able to do almost anything.

Appearances and trends aren't important to you. You just like to get the job done.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

er, then why the hell am i using a mac? hm, the test is wrong. it's wrong. if my mom believe's this, she's gonna be like saying that i wasted her money.

Your Slanguage Profile

Prison Slang: 75%

British Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 50%

Victorian Slang: 50%

Aussie Slang: 25%

New England Slang: 25%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

i belong in prison. damn, i need something to make me feel better.

You Probably Look Your Age (At Least!)

You don't really respect your body, and that may catch up with you over time.

Relax a little and try to take care of yourself. If not, you'll have a lot of botox in your future.

Do You Look Your Age?

shit. this tests is making me have low self esteem. freak. botox? hm, i doubt so. ahh, freak you blogthings. make me feel good about myself. tell me i'm doing something right.

Your Response is: Stay Calm

You don't have much of a fight or flight response.

In fact, you rather do neither. You don't like getting worked up.

You are able to approach most threats calmly and rationally.

You don't let your emotions get the best of you!

How Do You Respond: Fight or Flight?

yay. finally. i'm calm. yep. that's good news. alright...see, i'm a soft guy. i don't start fights. i end them.

i just realise that this is mostly like for girls. i also found out i date like a woman. well, that explains some stuff.

You Are 34% Homophobic

You don't want to be homophobic, and you're usually not.

You have a few stereotypes about gay people - and they'll eventually be broken.

Are You Homophobic?

hm, hey hey...look at that. i ain't really homophobic. see, i've got nothing against you johnathon. hm, inside joke.

You Are a Chocolate Cheesecake

Rich and greedy, you're attracted to the dark side of life.

Nothing ever quite satisfies your inner beast. And somehow, people find that sexy.

What Kind of Cheesecake Are You?

hm, chocolate cheesecake? erm, never tried one before. people find my unsatisfied inner beast sexy and alluring? holy shit, baik sial (damn nice).

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.

In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!

And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.

Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

i'm happy with this. see, i'm not evil. i'm just funnily sarcastic which appeals to everyone who doesn't have a frail and fragile heart.

and finally gonna end it with something fun.

You are a Rocker Girl!

If you don't have musical talent, you've got a talent for picking out great CD's.

Music rules your life - and you've got the best MP3 collection of anyone you know.

Many guys find you intimidating, but a select few think you're the catch of a lifetime.

Start hanging out in more used record stores, and you'll find love with a fellow rocker!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

hm, interesting result. a rocker girl. hm, well, so i won't be much different if i have a sex change. not that i'm thinking of one. i'm not thinking of being a girl. herm, but there is a female dragon boating team...hmm...no...of course not la...

well, it was fun, i'll probably be back with more...

Whisper To Me And I'll Make Your Dreams Come True With A Flick Of My Finger And A Wink Of My Eye But Not Right Now Cause I'm Bored Of Hearing You.

2008-06-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

All About Music

remembering the good ol music which have created a legacy of some sort. take for example iron maiden and ac/dc and def leppard and metallica and korn, where bands like them are remembered for something. korn remembered for creating the foundations for Nu metal. hm, i've put in a radio for nu metal at the side. also added is a imeem playlist of those rock songs that have a sentimental effect in it. hm, trying to get reacquainted with many songs also. like i just got reacquainted with the all american rejects 'it ends tonight' and hoobastank's 'the reason'. and i have a feeling that nobody is interested in it. but since you're reading and i have abit of your interest, please recommend to me good songs. i'm gonna like blast you guys with metal soon. don't forget to thank me. and don't forget to tag me your songs.

She

i'm just gonna take this time to write something short. there's this person. whom (hm, do people use whom nowadays, or do they just use who? hm, whatever.) i want to really talk with. i figure that i really need to talk to you. i know you read this. please, i know we having holidays now. hm, that had no relevance to this. herm, forget i said. tired of pressing backspace. anyway, please do tag back. the reason for me wanting (this word can be an action word and can be a chinese girl's name) to talk to you is cause i just wanna explain some stuff to you. and i hate to people see me as a bad guy or whatever. i don't want to be the reason i'm adding to your burden. hm, and i'm doing this on my own will. cause i hate to be hated. unless it's an a**hole or some freaking retarded fool who keeps pressing me ass with his hands and frontal lower part of his body in a slightly crowded train. erm, it does happen. anyway, yeah...please tag back or whatever...alrighty?

To End It All...

hm, alright, getting used to dragon boat. i sometimes wonder why i chose it. that's the slacker part of me saying it. but there's one part of me, the never-happy-of-myself part of me that says i'm a weakling to be so weak in db, but a greater weakling to give up. that's why i ain't gonna give up this thing. think the body of a spartan...ho-ho-yeah. boo yah. ya ha. haha. yaya. papaya. Studies. blog hopping. just plain hopping. not yet shopping. cause no money. anyone want to donate to the Help-Nav-Now Fund?

Culda

All Of Us Have Something That Feel Guilty About, A Guilty Pleasure As Some Call It And Mine Is The Lovely Lil Pastry With A Million Flavor-Variations.

2008-06-02T07:56:00.000-07:00

hm, did you know that the entire tittle for this blog is just nice? meaning that it's the maximum characther limit. cool

hm anyway, my guilty pleasure. DONUTS! woo, can't seem to get sick of it. as J.Co puts it, one is never enough. even those classic sugar-powdered/sprinkled ones doesn't make me sian...hm, i remember when in primary sch and sec sch, i would always buy donuts...and the lady would always put on more sugar for me as a way of getting me back for more. then came the craze of those varied flavor donuts. strawberry, chocolate, double chocolate, oreo powdered, choc-mango, choc banana, vanilla, yoghurt, koko crunch, latte, cream...the list goes on...

hm, though it's not a new thing cause america had this like a long tim ago, seeing from the fat policeman chasing young deers and all that...hm, look at those fat arses over there, and you'll know why i love the american food. but indian food seems to be liked everyone actually. especially the curries. hm, anyway, love donuts. just love em.

they'll pick me up when i'm having a bad day. it makes as a great conversation starter. it's good snack to eat in cinemas. it's good food to eat with your babe. it's good food to say sorry with. it's good food to eat while on the go. you can play a game with your friends and keep a record of who has eaten the most number of different flavored donuts. there's so many things you can do with donuts while eating them. please don't start food fights with them. if you don't like donuts, please give them to me. thank you very much...

hm...in other news, gonna start working at tcc terminal 3 arrival hall from wednesday onwards. got my uniform and all that...gonna be looking smart and all that. but remember, prioritize and all that...know what you need to put first. study, work, play. and most importantly gotta pay attention to someone.

Culda

I Wish That Tonight We Fall Into Each Others Arms, Hopelessly In Love And Not Giving A Care About What Other People Have To Think Or Say About Us.

2008-06-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

hold your hand. grip it tightly. who are you missing right now. think of the person who you are missing of. you miss his/her touch. you miss that feeling when you are near that person. your heart beats fast when they are around but skips beats when they are missing. where has that person gone to. nowhere. that person might be next to you. waiting for you. or being waited for. for just one more chance. so close, yet so far. you hold his/her hand and feel nothing in return. just a touch, not a feeling of love. where has it gone to? nowhere. that person is sitting next to you right now, tell him/her that you want him/her. tell that person how much you want him/her. how much you are willing to give up for for that one chance. to be loved again. please forgive me, you tell him/her. please take me back, you say. do you still love me, you ask. he/she does still love you. if you want him/her that badly and am willing to give up everything for him/her, he/she will recognise your efforts and understand. noone is ever better off without anyone. if that line has been said to you before, my friend, he/she loves you...alot...he/she loves you so much that it cannot be expressed in words nor actions. it's expressed only through feelings and the unspoken language. when you look into that person's eyes when he/she says that, you feel it. but what should you do, when you experience this? take that person's hand. grip it tightly. he/she will try to let go, but won't. take your finger and wipe that tear off that person's cheek. take a breath. tell him/her that you love him/her. whisper it gently yet with a strong sense of the feeling of love and care and truth. now everything will seem like it's not working, cause he/she will look away. hiding the tears. hiding what that person really wants to say. hold me close, you say. i love you, you say. trust me, you say. but he/she says, it's over and walks away. you stare at him/her and let the tears welling up in your eyes trickle down your cheeks. you then make a quick dash for him/her. you hold that person's hand. he/she turns away from you. don't treat me like a stranger, you say. give me one chance, you say. let me earn my trust, you say. he/she looks toward you, and hold your hand loosely. they look and say to you, with tears welling up in their eyes, hm, give us a moment. you've that chance. you've got that chance. YOU'VE GOT THAT CHANCE! what you need to do is be yourself and make yourself trustworthy. believe me. to get what you want, you need to work for it. it's not a sacrifice. it's not called being desperate. it's called being in love. the pursuit of happiness. for that one person you want to be with so much.

Culda

Singapore - The Island Of Weird, Irritating And Horrible Insensitive And Selfish Ignorant People.

2008-05-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

walking down orchard road, you see the beautiful maseratis and lamborghinis cruising down the roads, the curious ang mohs wondering why singaporeas pronounce mont blanc as munt blank and the beautiful night sky that has no stars signifying that it's gonna rain with the gods laughing at us the moment it starts to rain and we start running around for shelter and if there isn't, we try to use our palms for protection like as though it really does help at all.

but anyway, that's not all you see if you open your eyes big (or for the chinese people over there, open your eyes much much bigger) and you'll see the residents of underworld singapore. so weird and grotesquely formed that they drive fear into the minds of our little children. you see a guy walking with a big eye and small eye. you see a woman with her eyes bulging out. a person who looks like a kid. actually i have no issue with short people. midgets are different from short people. i'll stop it there.

then it's not only in the city area. it gets even worse when you're in the heartlands. the lady selling onions and ginger and lady fingers at the nearby wet market, eyeing the passing crowds with her pale eyes while scratching her back with her dirty brown, half-bitten fingernails...while the butcher wears his eye patch and carelessly chops the chicken into uneven pieces (you got admit then it is uneven for someone who is seeming to aim alot) with his sweat dripping off his forehead onto the skin of the chicken making it even more unhealthier but do we really give a damn...looking at the number of people licking their fingers sillily at KFC, i doubt they will care about the skin at the local hawker center...

and weird people also do take the transport. i was in this train all the way from eunos to city hall, there was this weird vibe in that freaking last carriage of the train. first there was like this little kid running around and then he went to this lady and pulled her leg. the lady had earphones on and was carrying this food thing from Han's (heard it's a good place) and she just patted the kids head and looked around. now she didn't like a mother. especially to that small kid. then the kid ran back to the kid's father...hm...hold on...take note that i keep saying the kid...not he, not she, just the kid...why? cause it looked like a guy but the hair was slightly long and it was wearing a girly t-shirt with frilly laces at the end of the sleeves. what gender is it? hm...only god knows..cause he will have to bless it with something that is gonna affect the kids life...whatver...back to my tragically dysfunctional story...the kid banged into this malay lady who appeared she had a man's most prized possession sticking out of her glutious maximus. hm...i'll give you a moment to scratch your head.

alright, moment gone. then it's like i'm trying to figure out what it could be...maybe she had just let go a piece of solid waste and it apparently has no rectum-given smell. then as i'm looking, the kid bangs into me and the lady who the kid ran up to, shows up and hugs the kid and looks at me apologetically...hold on...not really apologetically. sarcastically apologetically. yeah. like i did something wrong. like i go around preying on young kids and pushing them around. erm..the opposite of a pedophile. then once that all got settled, i saw this teenage couple who apparently looked like twins. erm...maybe they were? or maybe they spend their entire lives looking for someone who looked like them so that when they have children and when the children doesn't turn out to look like them, they will know that someone cheated during their marriage and they have proof to the court of divorces or whatever they call that shrine of holy separation-ship. then on the way there, two people stepped on my toes. thank god they weren't those obese kids eating ice cream cones. then my feet would have been flattened. though i don't think i'll be complaining. i'll be less taller and i wouldn't need to wory about shoes or slippers...my feet is my natural slippers...it'll be flippers.

hm, this has been crap the whole thing...but it's true...from now onwards...everything i write will be based on what i see and what is the truth...

Culda

It's Time To Embark On An Epic Journey Of Which Is To Give Me Joy, Happiness And Fulfillment In Making Someone's Elses Life Rid Of Misery.

2008-05-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

hm, many things to talk about. what should i start if with? dunno dunno dunno...

TRAININGS & WORKOUTS

hm...it's time for me to start being tough on myself and my body already. physically and mentally. weights at home being utilised fully now...and so is my floor(for push ups) and my bed(for sit ups)...but the most important thing right now is to have the E-factor...the endurance factor...the mental factor...block out pain...block out the sissiness...block out tiredness...block out everything that's stopping me from stopping...

STUDIES

intensive studying baby...hm...no choice, bo pian. be a smarty pants, a geek, a dork...with an enlarging body...haha yeah baby...who knew that actually intensive studying is fun...well, not really...but hellyeah

SP ROVERS

woo...sp rovers is kinda kinda fun...still haven't got to the sadistic part yet...but the stories i heard and the videos i saw(not the crappy ones) are good enough to satisfy my sadist craving...

DRAGONBOAT

well, need i say more, training, training, training, proteins, training and sleep...well, not that tough for the junior training but if you wanna be the top, that's what you gotta do...with DB and rovers, my life is as good as gone...my otuside life i mean...it's back to the o level years...no life...

THAT GIRL

i love that girl. yeah, hm, i've like seen the beautiness in her contact lens-ed eyes...how crazy i am over her...hopefully the same way she's crazy over me...hmm...should i let everyone know...about us...or keep it a secret...i hate keeping secrets...the other time i told people that my ex-schoolmate was an idiot and when he asked me why i told people, 'i told him i couldn't keep secrets'...

lame joke...yeah...my lameness has to go away..what happened to the funny me with the sensitive gay jokes about gayboy and his stable of girly-girls with a retarded outlook of the world...hm...i just said that to make it rhyme..are people still readin my blog...hm...can't find the time to actually blog...i remember last time i wasn't so keen on blogging...yeah..that feelings coming again...

Culda

It's Frustrating When You Don't Know Whether Life Would Be Better If You Were Nice Or Rude Cause Evidently Nothing Seems To Be Working For Me.

2008-05-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

HEADLINES

i have laughed like never before and smiled like a mad man despite my disappointments. i have just shook everything off with a never mind. what did i get in the end? nothing much. no respect. i got taken advantage of. and it apparently leads people to think that i have no responsibility, no sense of seriousness and that i'm always not interested with what people have to say.

i have screamed and shouted at people and forced people to do stupid stuff. i had become something like a dictator once. what did i get in the end? nothing much. no respect, only being feared of. and it apparently leads people to think that i am snobbish loud-mouthed asshole with no consideration for other people's feelings, only caring for what i want done.

what am i to do then? sometimes i wonder why i'm even caring about what i wanna be. but then again, there's this voice in my head (no, i'm not going crazy) that says i need to really think about what i'm doing. and you know what. that voice is right. no matter how much i don't want to belive that voice, i know it's right. i look back in my life. have i done anything that will help create a legacy. i'm hoping that i did. and right now, i'm trying to make a change.

CAMPFIRE

i'm really trying my best to get the campfire that i'm planning for to be a super success. but i look at what i'm doing for it, and fuck...i'm not doing anything at all. how do i expect myself to be creditted for the success for it. i knew last time i was so enthusiastic about it. then why am i not doing anything now. why do i feel so...useless? am i screwing up the entire campfire. maybe i should have think through it much more. but i know that i've really gotta keep up to it..it was a decision i made. i have to stick through it. i must do it.

FRIENDS

or maybe should i say, 'friends'? i seem to be quarelling with alot of people this days. it's not that i want to. i just can't seem to stop it. i need to let the fire out. hm, to that person at tcc...it's not that i love to point out your mistakes and make you stupid or lose face like how i did to you last time infront of people. i didn't mean it. and i apologize. why i did that? i still dunno why. but know that i'm just trying to help you. then there's other people who i am so close to firing at. i'm really just trying to stop myself. i don't wanna cause any uncomfortable feelings in the class or whatever. hm...but no matter what. i always love you guys. except that i'm kinda pissed that we ain't watching iron man class dopt/ft/1a/02.

RELATIONSHIPS

no comments.

THAT GIRL.

No comments.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

hm, the people from class dopt/ft/1a/01 have changed their blogs in an attempt to prevent us from knowing their battle plans or whatver stuff they have going on. hm, all of a sudden i feel like i'm part of a intelligence unit, casue it gives me that sensation when i search for their blogs. so that means i'm like a spy. shit, i'm so hyped up right now. oh and dragon boat camp just ended on sunday. hm, it was kinda fun. many underwears got ripped. i tried my best to be as less high as possible. successful. almost. the first day i scrwed it up abit. but i managed to keep it low for the rest of the days. hm, i just realised i need to redecorate my wardrobe. hm,need a new haircut. need to spend less. need to gain weight. and all of a sudden the song 'stay the same' by joey mcynityre is playing on my itunes. hm, right timing. will anything good come out of me when i stay the same. hm, i've been doing it for 17 years, nope nothing.

CULDA

Mr Insecured Takes A Glance Behind His Shoulder And Sees A Trail Of Mistakes And Shadows Of Errors That Make Him Shake Nervously In His Pants.

2008-04-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

well, back again. just came back from seeing hansel and gretel. good movie. at vivocity. yeah, i wish it was. it was so boring. huh, wanted to watch harold and kumar but that was like at 1210. then looking at my total sleeping hours for last week which was only 19 hours and thought to myself that i need to payback my body it's need for sleep that it is so desperately calling out for. anyway, hansel and gretel is a movie with no story line and you wonder to yourself that the creeps and scares were necessary. and you just wish the the children weren't so freaky...freaky as in their acting...it;s weird...not good...

hm, waste of time...went to eat at secret recipe at vivocity. bad service. rude. totally deserving a bad lecture from me, too bad there were my company infront. ordered spaghetti blognaise, which was kinda watery the sauce. and why the hell are there carrots in spaghetti. hm...not my cup of tea. then the shepard's pie wasn't so impressive. the marble cheesecake was bad also. the oats was surprisingly chosen to be the base of the cheesecake. not really a good combo...once the cheese settles in, you get that awful raw oat taste. the strawberry yoghurt...should have been less ice. should be less icy. should be something refreshing, not something that will give you brain freezes.

vivocity is big. but it wasn't as big as i experienced it last time. they made it smaller. there's a conspiracy going on. no la...maybe used to walking about sp that vivo doesn't seem so huge and un-navigatable. hm, if vivocity was my home, i'll be most happy with armani xchange and candy empire and stuff like that. topshop, and according to one of my classmates, will make you a well-groomed man. cool, just what i need. my clothing is shit.

by the way, probably gonna go botak. and open my own food shop, botak nav, specialising in pratas.

hm, well dragon boat is the cca i want. gonna go for the camp on friday til saturday. thinking of joining the changi youth ambassadors. hm sp rovers....gonna just go for their camps. dragon boat is gonna suck all my time. yeah. woo hoo. ticket to strong mental and physical wellness. anyway, dragon boat is serious business. but one thing bad is that i will most probably have to worry about my macbook for the camp as on friday, i've got IDEA module and i've gotta bring my macbook for it. then IDEA finishes at 3 and supposed to go for the camp at 6. how man.

hm, looking through my cupboard today, saw my chingay t-shirt. hm, good memories. all of a sudden could remember that cheerleadr sitting by the road waving her little flag and her constant smiling at me. had i been abit faster i could've gone to know her...but we had to move on. so yeah...missed her by a second. then ndp, also saw all the stuff in my cupboard, even the hair moisturiser. hm, all those good times. especially during water breaks. ahhh, fun times.

Culda

Look At This Photograph, Everytime It Always Makes Me Laugh, Why The Hell Is My Hair Like That, With A Face That Deserves A Slap.

2008-04-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Looking Over This Cliff, I Realize That There's A Whole Wide World Of New Possibilities Waiting For Me And Here I Am Waiting For The Next Day To Come.

2008-04-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

well, i'm back with my old template. i was never one to deal with the fancy designs. one cause i suck at it, two cause i suck at picking one out and three cause i don't really have the time. sure a blog needs to be nice and all that. but i dunno. i'm not so keen on having the best design. and i don't really care that if my content sucks also. it's for my people to relate to and reminisce. alright. let me just say something. i'm doing like three blogs in two days.

TIRE ME OUT

i'm like freaking tired as well. i look at the time and it's 0040 am. after i do this blog, i'm gonna just lift some weights and shorten myself. i'm also gonna do some push-ups, sit ups and yeah la. wish i could just go for a run...it's been a long time...run from my house to the roundabout after the chalets at east coast park through the park connector network...hm...it's probably like about 10 km. hm...need to improve on my speed though.

CCAs

talking about workouts, i'm probably gonna either fully take on dragon boating or canoeing. or maybe alternate it. which will probably kill myself. canoeing is three times a week, dragon boating is 4? and the canoeing is all about speed and stamina an dragon boating is about strength. so if i go for both, i'll be like looking like a weird beefcake. if my metabolism allows me to slow down and gain some weight. hah, then saw the deejay booth, scratching away on their turntables. cool man, i really am interested in that. then for the cyclist club, i just filled up for fun. hm, didn't know sp had a triathlete club. and the girl there was like so hot in her tan. from far she looked hot. wanted to go there and share some of my knowledge. hm...never mind...some other day. then anyway, gotta see alot of people. damn yeah. be seeing more wednesday probably.

THAT CLASS OUTING

i remember that outing, me and my class. my last blog was kinda shit on that event. so here it goes. botak jones is not really all that nice anymore. hm, the serving for large is like for medium, in my view la. but it's like everyone else couldn't finish their mediums. we had to separate ourselves actually into three tables. one big table and the other two were around tables of four to five. the three girls in my table all shared like two dishes, which was kinda something something. then me and edwin were like stuffing ourselves with our larges, and then got an almost weird look from everyone when i said that i'm still hungry. hm, after that we sepearated, and ming jun, me and pei loo and chas went to see superhero movie. which was stupid. expected movie. not really funny. the only reason why i was laughing was because pei loo was laughing like dunno what. at first it was like 'haha, she laughs like this'. then came the reaction of feeling slightly for her sake. then after that me and ming jun were like 'who's this girl sitting in e09'. then after that scary event we went TCC, went to have drinks. chatted and took pictures...i know...hm, i think maybe i should lighten up on my previous policy of no taking photos of me for leisure. anyway, all in all, was great. kinda got a headache from wearing chas's specs. above in a separate blog entry i will put all the pictures.

GAYBOY

well, is gayboy still gonna be fuckin the way he is. hell yeah. com'on edwin, you know how that ass is. well, at least we showed him we are the bigger man by apologising. but you think we did the right thing. he didn't shake shake our hand willingly. he didn't accept our apology. he didn't even apologise. and hey, guys of 02 especially the ones who were there when we were talking to him that day, wy don't you read his blog. the tone of his entry about us talking to him is written in such a way that we are like super inferior or super wrong to be talking to him. like talking to him is nothing at all to him. hm, cause he's got the 'right of will' to fuck whoever he wants, he thinks he's the big kahuna and can just use the reason of 'free rights' to get away with everything we say to him. hm, chas, unleash you god-given fury on his white faggot ass.

Culda

P.S. hm, he has deleted the previous blog already. kinda makes me remember all the times when i got into trouble and had to delete all my other previous blogs. hm, i'll elaborate more on this in my next blog. probably tomorrow...or rather today. it's 0130 now. hm, got some shit that just pissed me off. then some people...haiya...gotta do my workout now. gonna take half an hour. 0200 onwards, gonna start playing fat boy raid the cookie factory. then play pac man. then watch a movie. probably a funny one or something. maybe babel. or dunno what la...got so many to watch. you guys want to watch any movie, just let me know alright.

Warriors Of The Oxyz Clan, Assemble Before Thee For Tonight, We Will Savour Victory Of Which Is Rightfully Ours. UNITE I SAY! UNITE.

2008-04-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

alright. if it's a war they want, it's a war they will get.

we didn't want anything to start with. we were just irritated with that johnathon's attitude but we decided to just let it be. no matter how annoying it was (and still is) we decided to just live with it. it wasn't just about him being bisexual or whatever. the way he so freely expresses himself is not something we want to be hearing all the time. yes you are a bisexual. we get it. we got no problem fo you being a bisexual. just don't touch me or any of the other guys. don't talk to us about being gay and all that. talk about sports, girls or whatever normal guys talk about.

apparently and evidently as i infer from his blog aikido_rawks@hotmail.com...it's so clear that he and his class thinks that we are really into having a war with them...it's like we love to hate people. we don't. we just want you to tone down your fucking volume. we want you to be less frivolous with the way you speak. yes, we live in a open world. yes we are open. but hey, we get disgusted too alright.

and you wanna talk about our girls. what gives you that right? you wanna be a crybaby about it? hm, the girls in your class, with their spastic and slightly out of this world looks? are you comparing your class to my class? hm actually got nothing against your class, cause they didn't do anything...i mean, everyone is okay. just that we had a bloody problem with your conversations. and what's it about our class girls needing to be fucked? do any girls desrve to be fucked (in our classes)...really. why? will the girls being fucked change anything? any girl? no girl deserves that? and who wants to do the fucking? you? alrighty then you asshole with a mind of a 10 year old wethead champion.

A war you want. a war you get.

Update to this blog.

talked to that guy. what did he had to say? i have a right to free will. yeah. and so do we. it's personal. and personal is all of a sudden being shown to the whole wide freaking world. so much for being personal. blog, guys you sure you wanna share your darkest secrets? you sure you wanna share you most valuable and secret-ess secret? hm, i don't think so right?

then what else did he say? oh, for the girls, not really targeting everyone. just the whole class in general. oh...perfect. thanks man. we really needed to be generalized. we didn't want anybody to be or felt left out.

that's basically all i got. cause the rest of his 'i'm gay so leave me alone' speech was not making sense to any of us. heck, i have gay friends but they don't behave like mr pinky over here. i mean, gays are just people. just that i wouldn't wanna care much about his sexual fantasies about guys. fuck yeah, we are open minded. we're not enthusiastic. understand?

hm, could have been longer. edwin stepped in...kinda just made me sit back abit. seriously i've gotten into too many confrontations or whatever that is similar to that kind of situations. it;s starting to get so common for me that i'm controlling not to let it ruin normal friendly conversations. already i've debated with a few people, once over lunch , for no apparent reason. haiya, i need some kind of help. need to be more friendly based again. like last time. so happy.

gayboy, why oh why. hm, the question to which there is no answer. whatever the girls are planning to do to you, i hope it's something wonderful. and if your girls are gonna get into the action or whatever or you gonna get everyone involved, which i think won't be so successful cause you're kinda like ostracized from the guys in my view, hm, i'll be looking forward to see what is the outcome or whatever.

A war isit you want. you've got one war my friend. get ready to eat your balls...if you still have them puss-face.

Culda

How Do You Measure The Hopelessness And The Level Of Insecurities In A Man, For Isit By His Lack In Determination Or Sacrifice Of His Own Interests?

2008-04-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

understand one thing...when a man breaks down eventually, that doesn't prove he's weak. he just has lost the ability in hope for the moment, he's going through a tough time, he's going through a loss of hope and determination at the moment. him being so depressed is just probably a temporary stage/phase of his life but no matter what, he seems to pull it off infront of his close ones and prays that no one will see him as emotional. men are emotional...the reason why we don't show it is cause we don't want others to share or help us with our burden and miseries. it's hard to explain to people as they never know that guys would share their sorrows with the world. men only try to hide their sorrows by just walking it off, but it's still there. inside of us. slowly getting heavier and heavier. until one day, we just just blow it off...

TEARING ME APART
hm, tears? yep, i've shed a few. when the doctor slapped my ass when i just got released into this world, i cried like hell. pain yeah, i've felt pain...when i was running and i fell and my balls landed on my b***s in some weird fashion. indescribable pain. hopeless, yeah, i've felt a sense of hopelessness before, when i released that singapore soccer is going nowhere. i felt hopeless cause whenever i go overseas, the foreigners will think of me as part of china and a bunch of people without the knowledge of kicking a ball into the right goal. lost, yep i felt lost...when i first when into tp and entered the girls toilet by mistake...i was feeling scared then...everyone feels something now and again. the feeling of love, the feeling of rejection and the feeling of feeling something that isn't supposed to be felt (touch my body)...we can't be put to blame for being emotional or angry, it's all natural...what we need to understand is what cause us to have this feeling at this point of time. got it?

UNDERSTANDING FASHION
hm, fashion...it's not my niche area at all...it's not something that i like to do...but hey i mean it's alright...you know, i mean if you got time to spare, or if you are with people who wanna shop, then going to topshop or zara or armani isn't that bad at all...but you know you've got a problem when people comment that you are a turn off for people who wanna shop. woo hoo...my life's purpose has been served. anyway, fashion is a part of life that needs proper understanding, comprehension and commitement. i mean fashion is changing constantly ain't it...then you've got to keep yourself up to date to it...hm...maybe SP should have a new club called SP Fashionista's Crew. we all know who will be the president right?

CCAs AND CLUBS
hm, dragonboating....probably...gotta join something...keep my life interesting...i don't have a life currently...so gotta create one...then gonna fill up my life with maybe either deejay club, sports club, sp rovers...see which one or two appeals more to me...plus don't forget that if i take up the sports module and foreign language module, it'll be even more enlightening for me...will be able to see heaven calling out louder to me as each week passes by...hm...we'll see how it all goes.

THE 02 CLASS AND THEIR OUTINGS
hm, well, am i getting to like my class....no...i'm starting to really really like it..especially humanbio chem...okay who am i kidding...i hate it to the core of the earth...why oh why did they have to have chem there. hm, but anyway, anatomy hasn't started yet. i know that once it starts, we'll be seeing more of the latest movie trailers...and then every friday, at least part of the class will have their outing. (hm iron man anybody?) well, botak jones was not as good as i thought it was...the standard dropped...but at least communication and bonding was done. i would say the class in being more united, and we are bonding more...some bond through food, some bond through choking on food, some bond through talking about their subjects, some bond through debates over certain matters...some bond through movies...some bond through being a gay-sociallite...okay i was just kidding about the gay thing...well, guess gay-ness is the way that we should bond through...so anybody wanna volunteer to be the class gay? anyone? anyone?

WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME
hm, the other day when i was at kembangan, this lady (probably in her late 20's) put her hand round my thigh and kinda hunged on to it for a good 4 seconds...it was kinda packed in the train and i was on my way to SP...she looked at me and then turned away...er, what happened there i don't know? then guys keep looking at me funnily...not because i've got a piece of spinach in my eye but it's because i'm a guy-magnet...or rather gay-magnet...or gay eye candy...shit, why am i like this? i'm not freaking gay...i love women...unconditionally...ladies my number is 97473625 and i am a healthy young man who will make you forget your miseries. just call me...my name is MachoFoxxx...yeah baby...oh then this old lady thought i was winking at her when i was actually just falling asleep (my eyes close individually when i'm sleep-deprived). the weird crazy part is that she liked it and was eyeing my the whole journey. hm, i don't go for guys, i don't go for old people...holy crappo, why do weird things happen to me...

SP LIFE
it's great. the modules are actually not bad once you get the hang of it. then it's different from sec school where talking to someone or asking someone you don't know might get you in pickle. but how i just wish someone would just fling a chair every once in a while...then food is abundant. but the quality isn't really there. who cares about quantity. i mean no expenses should be spared when it comes to filling up on the nutrients and making you stomach happy. sp is big...we all know...but it's quite easy to find your way around...once you know where exactly you are and where you wanna go...the maps always there to fool you...then the girls...especially at the buisness school...ahhh yes...not saying that there isn't any girls in CLS...hm...i think i'll stop about this right here...don't wanna get ambushed by girls from CLS...i don't need to worry about the girls at engineering cause there's like hardly any girls there in engineering. and i think i should jsut talk about SP some other time...it's kinda getting boring.

IN THE END
ever felt like giving up? ever felt like you can't succeed in life? well then give up. give up right now. you are a coward. you don't have the courage to face your problems, you might as well live under the rock and cease from living. why are you not seizing each day's opportunities? guess how many people want your spot. no one in this world respects a coward. if you back down, someone's gonna just run and fill up your spot in three seconds. hey you think you're making a sacrifice. think you'll look like a hero by sacrifing? you ain't a hero. the world ain't looking for heroes. the world is looking for the people who can't make it. the world wants to know who is the weakest link, so that success for others will be easier. hm, hey you giving up. let me know. i'm waiting for a new challenge.

Culda

P.S...this blog was done over three separate days. i had to do other work in between and all that. if you think that this blog is kinda messy or shitty or whatever, let me just say i don't care a damn for your comments. got a comment, come find me. it's been a long time since i stuffed a stray cat down somebody's windpipe.

P.P.S...no animals were harmed during the entire phase of my life.